Long Time Coming...
Summer time and the living is easy... my mantra. Life's been good to me lately. I feel as if I paid my dues last summer and am getting repaid in full for what I had to put up with then. BSI is not stressful at all, though I'm stressing over it a little: surprise, surprise. My internship is significantly more boring than I thought it would be, but cest la vie. Though I have come away with an incredible sugar daddy story. Which brings me to boys. When it rains it pours, and it always seems to storm when I have lost my umbrella. I'm giving up for a while. Giving up isn't very accurate, more like taking a break. A lot has been going through my head that I feel like I need to focus my energy into before I can focus my energy into anyone of the opposite sex. Quite frankly, I can not handle the myriad of males that seems to have discovered my phone number all of a sudden. Of course, right when I declare my intentions to rest from "the game" for a while, I get thrown a curveball, so to speak, in the form of a hearty laugh, a beautiful smile, and a pair of eyes I get nervous looking into.
I say I give up right around the time when there is no excitement, I meet a boy who excites me, I allow myself to get excited, I act a fool, Things fall apart, the boy acts shady, my excitement is burst, I feel down and unexcitable, I say I give up.
This is the cycle I follow... or have followed for the past couple of months. It seems the only factor of the equation I can actually control is my excitement level. If I refuse to get my hopes up then logic follows that said hopes cannot be dashed. However, not sucumbing to the fluttering heart, the random sighs, the goofy smile is all easier said than done. Are these tiny elements of joy worth the ultimate ending of failure once again. My mind says no, my heart disagrees. The age old debate rages on, and I am sure I will not settle this time around.
So talk to me in a week or two... and I'm almost one-hundred percent positive the cracks in my unrequited heart will deepen even more, displaying the wrinkles of age that grow most rapidly with experience.
Is cautious optimism nothing more than pessimism?
I say I give up right around the time when there is no excitement, I meet a boy who excites me, I allow myself to get excited, I act a fool, Things fall apart, the boy acts shady, my excitement is burst, I feel down and unexcitable, I say I give up.
This is the cycle I follow... or have followed for the past couple of months. It seems the only factor of the equation I can actually control is my excitement level. If I refuse to get my hopes up then logic follows that said hopes cannot be dashed. However, not sucumbing to the fluttering heart, the random sighs, the goofy smile is all easier said than done. Are these tiny elements of joy worth the ultimate ending of failure once again. My mind says no, my heart disagrees. The age old debate rages on, and I am sure I will not settle this time around.
So talk to me in a week or two... and I'm almost one-hundred percent positive the cracks in my unrequited heart will deepen even more, displaying the wrinkles of age that grow most rapidly with experience.
Is cautious optimism nothing more than pessimism?