my surgical experience: chapter 1
okay. i read through my missed friends pages finally, so whether i commented or not, i definitely read your journals. so, feel loved. hehe. again, thanks so much, everyone, for all the support and good wishes i've received since monday.
so, this is probably going to be a ridiculously idealistic attempt of mine, but i am henceforth going to try to post in chronological order the mixed memories and scattered mental notes i jotted down in my brain over the course of this surgical experience of mine. i'll probably end up doing this in installments depending what my health allows, because i want to be as detailed as possible and record everything i remember. but i'll just get down to it. please excuse the less than par rhetoric, typos, and scattered trains of thought...i'm kinda dizzy.
my official preparation for surgery began a week before surgery. it wasn't really "preparation"--all i had to do was abstain from alcohol, ibuprofen, aspirin, and blood-thinning drugs. tylenol was ok. so, that part wasn't tough.
the friday before surgery (remember, it was scheduled for a monday), the RN who would be assissting my operation, called mom in the morning while i was still asleep. she went over the dos and don'ts, among which were--1)no eating after 12 am sunday night/monday morning, 2)eat a peanut butter & jelly sandwhich before midnight sunday night as the last thing in my stomach for protein, 3)shower the night before with a special surgical soap called hibiclens that they'd given me at my pre-op visit, scrubbing the incision site for two minutes, then repeating the process, and 4)surgery was scheduled for 7:30 am, but i'd have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am. eek! the last bit of news came as somewhat of a shock, since surgery had originally been scheduled for 11 am, but mom and i decided to deal with it, and leave the house at 4:30 am.
the weekend flew by, and before i knew it it was sunday. mom and i woke up early and spent the day cleaning--a lot--so we could wear ourselves out and fall asleep early enough to get a full night's rest before waking up before dawn. kaitlyn stopped by to wish me luck before surgery. it was really sweet. i was very glad to see her. mom and i ate dinner, then began to pack our stuff up (preparing, mind you, for one overnight stay in the hospital). mom packed some food in an insulated tote for overnight because we couldn't afford to buy any. beth arrived later that evening to drop off a coffee for me from berres brothers and a few vintage national geographics she'd found at a rummage sale that she thought i'd enjoy (totally sweet--they're from the '60s!) and wish me luck for surgery. again, very sweet of her. after a brief bout of panic in which neither mom nor i could locate her wallet and mom began to freak out (i finally found it under a seat in the car), i ate my pb&j and showered. the soap was liquid and red. hehe. foreshadowing? i like to think so. after getting out of the shower, i double-checked that everything was in place, french-braided my hair, and hit the hay. it took forever for me to fall asleep, and when i finally did, i think i only dozed lightly. i felt like i'd just gotten into bed when the alarm went off at 4 am and i sat bolt upright, awake despite my lack of sleep. mom said she hadn't slept at all. we got dressed. i lovingly stroked my incision free (though bulging) neck which for the last time in my life would contain a thyroid (though, admittedly, diseased). i wish now that i'd enjoyed the freedom of a full range of motion in my neck a little bit more, but i digress. at 4:30 mom and i stepped into night (i felt like a bandit) and drove off toward madison, stopping first for gas. i was completely relaxed, exited, and aware of my surroundings. i was making furious mental notes already, wanting to remember the experience when all was said and done. i remember gazing up into the pre-dawn sky and seeing only one little star (or planet) flickering feebly in the west, but accompanying us faithfully all the way to madison. we made our destination before the sun had risen above the horizon. drove into the parking garage and found that the third space was unoccupied--one upside of having monday morning surgery scheduled. entered the hospital entrance of uw-hospital and made our way to the "D" section and up to floor 6, then checked in. before i could fully prepare myself, mom was guided to a waiting area and i was whisked away to a room where i was provided with a hospital gown (how i grew to hate that thing), a robe, footies, and a hat, and was told to take off every ounce of clothing/jewelry/shoes and store them in some plastic bags which were provided. i was then told to wait in the room until people came in. after staring at the blank wall for a half an hour, listening to the sounds of my neighboring victims before the slaughter, i shuffled feebly out to the nurse's desk and asked if i could give my glasses to my mom (she had my glasses case). the nurse gave me the okay, and i went into the surgical waiting area, feeling beyond moronic in my surgical garb among normal looking people. hehe. i gave mom my glasses and retrieved my book so i could do something while waiting for something to happen. i went back to my room and reclined uncomfortably on the bed i would also grow to hate within the next few days. i read until one of the nurses came in to ask me questions, make me sign forms, fill out a survey, talk to me about the surgery and sign some more forms. then she allowed mom to come in. soon i was visited by anesthesia--a nice woman who complimented me on my hair and shoved a needle into the top of my right hand without wincing. she didn't hook me up to an IV tree yet, though. following her visit, a male nurse (a relatively good looking one, at that--sort of reminded me in an abstract way of heidi's friend curt) came in and introduced himself, told me he'd be assissting in the surgery, and asked if dr. mack had stopped by. i told him he hadn't, and he said that after dr. mack came in they'd wheel me out. after the nurse came the female anesthesiologist again and her assisstant, who (as she put it) would be the one i could thank since he'd be giving me the drugs. hehe. he was very funny and i felt quite relaxed. finally dr. mack came in, bright and cheery and looking very endearing in his scrubs, hat, and mask, and began quipping in his german accent, smiling, and laughing. he remarked on my calm appearance and assured mom that i would be perfectly fine. at 7 am the male nurse came back, along with the two anesthesiologists, and told me it was time. my palms sweating slightly, i hugged mom (she was more nervous than i, i could tell), laid back on the bed and attempted to relax as the team wheeled me out into the brightness and publicity of the hall outside. i was wheeled into a veritable sea of people, all in either white smocks or scrubs, all looking at me calculatingly. it didn't occur to me until after the surgery that they'd all be either assissting in or observing my surgery. in fact, i realized later, that my surgery had been video taped and would be used as a case study (i'd signed papers to give my consent to this). i felt like a bug under a microscope, but still wasn't wholly nervous. i was wheeled into a room, followed by my medical posse, where i was finally hooked up to the IV. i think they must have started me off on something milder, probably vallium, because i can remember only dimly the next few minutes. i remember them hooking up my IV, taking my vitals, transferring me to the operating table, and being asked to breathe into a plastic mask that was placed on my face. but the very last thing i remember was the feeling of that mask on my face, because i was unconscious within seconds.
now, when i had oral surgery, i was completely unconscious, but i still have one very vague memory from the midst of the surgery. i remembering hearing a faint voice floating across my unconscious, a voice which said gently, "okay, now just open your mouth a little bit wider." a vision of white scrubs, a bright light, and surgeons hovering overhead flickered into view as i effortlessly opened my mouth wider, and as the same voice said soothingly, "gooooood." haha. very "lucy in the sky with diamonds". but that's all i remember.
with this surgery, i remember nothing. over the span of the 3 1/2 hours it took in surgery, i have nothing but a blank space in my memory. the next very very dim and vague memory i have is of lying in my hospital bed, unable to move, oxygen tubes in my nose, a large quantity of gauze and bandages on my neck, a blood pressure cuff on my arm which inflated and deflated regularly at 10-minute intervals, an ECG monitor strapped heavily onto my chest, a pulse clip on my finger, an IV hooked up to my arm, elastic stockings encasing my legs, and huge calf-length blood pressure cuffs encasing my legs, deflating and inflating continuously in patterns to keep the blood flowing in my legs. i felt as if i were in a full-body cast--and i may well have been, for i had no desire to move and probably couldn't have if i'd wanted to. i faded in and out of consciousness, catching vague glimpses of my surroundings before falling out of consciousness again. a faceless motherly nurse hovered gently over me, feeding me ice chips in my dehydration and attending to my various other needs. she seemed to me an angel...she kept me comfortable and soothed me in my vague confusion, always hovering overhead, watching me, and treating my beaten body with incredible gentleness and care. i wanted to thank her, but my throat was completely enclosed and when i tried to make a sound, nothing escaped my mouth but air. she seemed to understand, however, and continued in her care. as i began to gain more consciousness, i became aware of my surroundings faintly. i was in a huge, white room which was lined with beds and recovering patients like myself, all of which were being hovered over and attended to by hordes of nurses like mine. i think my head was in some sort of encasement, because i could barely move it a centimeter, but my peripheral vision saw a man lying next to me, conscious, his leg in a large cast, being fed ice chips by a nurse. the room was about half the size of a gym, and lined with patients like me. must have been at least 15 of us. i got the vague impression that i and my recovering neighbors were fetal infants, completely helpless in the hands of our angelic nurses. i kind of felt the way l'engle describes meg's experiences at the hands of aunt beast in the end of "a wrinkle in time". haha. it was probably the most peculiar sensation i've ever experienced. i was trying to describe it to justin later on the phone, and the analogy he equated it to was that i and the other recovering patients were victims of war in a war hospital. haha. that's also another good analogy--perfectly representative. again, very very very weird experience. obviously, if you haven't gathered, i was in the recovery room--where patients go when they're recovering from surgery. it turns out that i was in there for another 3 1/2 hours--most of which i was unconscious. the reason for the length of my time in there was apparently because the hospital was overloaded and they needed to wait for patients to leave before i could get into my room. i didn't mind, obviously...all my needs were being attended to. i think there must have been a cathetor in me, as well, because i never needed to go to the bathroom. it was like a worry-free dream. i had absolutely nothing to worry about. definitely love it.
finally, after 7 hours, a room was freed up and i was wheeled up to my room and finally saw mom. i went into my room, and i think i must have slept some more, because i don't remember much until it was later and darker.
ok, well, i'm beginning to get really woozy, so i'm going to get off. i'll continue my account tomorrow. :)
so, this is probably going to be a ridiculously idealistic attempt of mine, but i am henceforth going to try to post in chronological order the mixed memories and scattered mental notes i jotted down in my brain over the course of this surgical experience of mine. i'll probably end up doing this in installments depending what my health allows, because i want to be as detailed as possible and record everything i remember. but i'll just get down to it. please excuse the less than par rhetoric, typos, and scattered trains of thought...i'm kinda dizzy.
my official preparation for surgery began a week before surgery. it wasn't really "preparation"--all i had to do was abstain from alcohol, ibuprofen, aspirin, and blood-thinning drugs. tylenol was ok. so, that part wasn't tough.
the friday before surgery (remember, it was scheduled for a monday), the RN who would be assissting my operation, called mom in the morning while i was still asleep. she went over the dos and don'ts, among which were--1)no eating after 12 am sunday night/monday morning, 2)eat a peanut butter & jelly sandwhich before midnight sunday night as the last thing in my stomach for protein, 3)shower the night before with a special surgical soap called hibiclens that they'd given me at my pre-op visit, scrubbing the incision site for two minutes, then repeating the process, and 4)surgery was scheduled for 7:30 am, but i'd have to be at the hospital at 5:30 am. eek! the last bit of news came as somewhat of a shock, since surgery had originally been scheduled for 11 am, but mom and i decided to deal with it, and leave the house at 4:30 am.
the weekend flew by, and before i knew it it was sunday. mom and i woke up early and spent the day cleaning--a lot--so we could wear ourselves out and fall asleep early enough to get a full night's rest before waking up before dawn. kaitlyn stopped by to wish me luck before surgery. it was really sweet. i was very glad to see her. mom and i ate dinner, then began to pack our stuff up (preparing, mind you, for one overnight stay in the hospital). mom packed some food in an insulated tote for overnight because we couldn't afford to buy any. beth arrived later that evening to drop off a coffee for me from berres brothers and a few vintage national geographics she'd found at a rummage sale that she thought i'd enjoy (totally sweet--they're from the '60s!) and wish me luck for surgery. again, very sweet of her. after a brief bout of panic in which neither mom nor i could locate her wallet and mom began to freak out (i finally found it under a seat in the car), i ate my pb&j and showered. the soap was liquid and red. hehe. foreshadowing? i like to think so. after getting out of the shower, i double-checked that everything was in place, french-braided my hair, and hit the hay. it took forever for me to fall asleep, and when i finally did, i think i only dozed lightly. i felt like i'd just gotten into bed when the alarm went off at 4 am and i sat bolt upright, awake despite my lack of sleep. mom said she hadn't slept at all. we got dressed. i lovingly stroked my incision free (though bulging) neck which for the last time in my life would contain a thyroid (though, admittedly, diseased). i wish now that i'd enjoyed the freedom of a full range of motion in my neck a little bit more, but i digress. at 4:30 mom and i stepped into night (i felt like a bandit) and drove off toward madison, stopping first for gas. i was completely relaxed, exited, and aware of my surroundings. i was making furious mental notes already, wanting to remember the experience when all was said and done. i remember gazing up into the pre-dawn sky and seeing only one little star (or planet) flickering feebly in the west, but accompanying us faithfully all the way to madison. we made our destination before the sun had risen above the horizon. drove into the parking garage and found that the third space was unoccupied--one upside of having monday morning surgery scheduled. entered the hospital entrance of uw-hospital and made our way to the "D" section and up to floor 6, then checked in. before i could fully prepare myself, mom was guided to a waiting area and i was whisked away to a room where i was provided with a hospital gown (how i grew to hate that thing), a robe, footies, and a hat, and was told to take off every ounce of clothing/jewelry/shoes and store them in some plastic bags which were provided. i was then told to wait in the room until people came in. after staring at the blank wall for a half an hour, listening to the sounds of my neighboring victims before the slaughter, i shuffled feebly out to the nurse's desk and asked if i could give my glasses to my mom (she had my glasses case). the nurse gave me the okay, and i went into the surgical waiting area, feeling beyond moronic in my surgical garb among normal looking people. hehe. i gave mom my glasses and retrieved my book so i could do something while waiting for something to happen. i went back to my room and reclined uncomfortably on the bed i would also grow to hate within the next few days. i read until one of the nurses came in to ask me questions, make me sign forms, fill out a survey, talk to me about the surgery and sign some more forms. then she allowed mom to come in. soon i was visited by anesthesia--a nice woman who complimented me on my hair and shoved a needle into the top of my right hand without wincing. she didn't hook me up to an IV tree yet, though. following her visit, a male nurse (a relatively good looking one, at that--sort of reminded me in an abstract way of heidi's friend curt) came in and introduced himself, told me he'd be assissting in the surgery, and asked if dr. mack had stopped by. i told him he hadn't, and he said that after dr. mack came in they'd wheel me out. after the nurse came the female anesthesiologist again and her assisstant, who (as she put it) would be the one i could thank since he'd be giving me the drugs. hehe. he was very funny and i felt quite relaxed. finally dr. mack came in, bright and cheery and looking very endearing in his scrubs, hat, and mask, and began quipping in his german accent, smiling, and laughing. he remarked on my calm appearance and assured mom that i would be perfectly fine. at 7 am the male nurse came back, along with the two anesthesiologists, and told me it was time. my palms sweating slightly, i hugged mom (she was more nervous than i, i could tell), laid back on the bed and attempted to relax as the team wheeled me out into the brightness and publicity of the hall outside. i was wheeled into a veritable sea of people, all in either white smocks or scrubs, all looking at me calculatingly. it didn't occur to me until after the surgery that they'd all be either assissting in or observing my surgery. in fact, i realized later, that my surgery had been video taped and would be used as a case study (i'd signed papers to give my consent to this). i felt like a bug under a microscope, but still wasn't wholly nervous. i was wheeled into a room, followed by my medical posse, where i was finally hooked up to the IV. i think they must have started me off on something milder, probably vallium, because i can remember only dimly the next few minutes. i remember them hooking up my IV, taking my vitals, transferring me to the operating table, and being asked to breathe into a plastic mask that was placed on my face. but the very last thing i remember was the feeling of that mask on my face, because i was unconscious within seconds.
now, when i had oral surgery, i was completely unconscious, but i still have one very vague memory from the midst of the surgery. i remembering hearing a faint voice floating across my unconscious, a voice which said gently, "okay, now just open your mouth a little bit wider." a vision of white scrubs, a bright light, and surgeons hovering overhead flickered into view as i effortlessly opened my mouth wider, and as the same voice said soothingly, "gooooood." haha. very "lucy in the sky with diamonds". but that's all i remember.
with this surgery, i remember nothing. over the span of the 3 1/2 hours it took in surgery, i have nothing but a blank space in my memory. the next very very dim and vague memory i have is of lying in my hospital bed, unable to move, oxygen tubes in my nose, a large quantity of gauze and bandages on my neck, a blood pressure cuff on my arm which inflated and deflated regularly at 10-minute intervals, an ECG monitor strapped heavily onto my chest, a pulse clip on my finger, an IV hooked up to my arm, elastic stockings encasing my legs, and huge calf-length blood pressure cuffs encasing my legs, deflating and inflating continuously in patterns to keep the blood flowing in my legs. i felt as if i were in a full-body cast--and i may well have been, for i had no desire to move and probably couldn't have if i'd wanted to. i faded in and out of consciousness, catching vague glimpses of my surroundings before falling out of consciousness again. a faceless motherly nurse hovered gently over me, feeding me ice chips in my dehydration and attending to my various other needs. she seemed to me an angel...she kept me comfortable and soothed me in my vague confusion, always hovering overhead, watching me, and treating my beaten body with incredible gentleness and care. i wanted to thank her, but my throat was completely enclosed and when i tried to make a sound, nothing escaped my mouth but air. she seemed to understand, however, and continued in her care. as i began to gain more consciousness, i became aware of my surroundings faintly. i was in a huge, white room which was lined with beds and recovering patients like myself, all of which were being hovered over and attended to by hordes of nurses like mine. i think my head was in some sort of encasement, because i could barely move it a centimeter, but my peripheral vision saw a man lying next to me, conscious, his leg in a large cast, being fed ice chips by a nurse. the room was about half the size of a gym, and lined with patients like me. must have been at least 15 of us. i got the vague impression that i and my recovering neighbors were fetal infants, completely helpless in the hands of our angelic nurses. i kind of felt the way l'engle describes meg's experiences at the hands of aunt beast in the end of "a wrinkle in time". haha. it was probably the most peculiar sensation i've ever experienced. i was trying to describe it to justin later on the phone, and the analogy he equated it to was that i and the other recovering patients were victims of war in a war hospital. haha. that's also another good analogy--perfectly representative. again, very very very weird experience. obviously, if you haven't gathered, i was in the recovery room--where patients go when they're recovering from surgery. it turns out that i was in there for another 3 1/2 hours--most of which i was unconscious. the reason for the length of my time in there was apparently because the hospital was overloaded and they needed to wait for patients to leave before i could get into my room. i didn't mind, obviously...all my needs were being attended to. i think there must have been a cathetor in me, as well, because i never needed to go to the bathroom. it was like a worry-free dream. i had absolutely nothing to worry about. definitely love it.
finally, after 7 hours, a room was freed up and i was wheeled up to my room and finally saw mom. i went into my room, and i think i must have slept some more, because i don't remember much until it was later and darker.
ok, well, i'm beginning to get really woozy, so i'm going to get off. i'll continue my account tomorrow. :)