Purgatory
I live between the burdens and the joys. Everyday I carry my bundle of rods upon my back in denial. Fifteen years ago I made a serious mistake. This mistake haunts me like a 17 year locust upon the face of the Earth. Whenever I step outside without my umbrella, it downpours. I pull weeds or prune the shrubs and Lady Blue Liberty drives up on to my front yard to confront me. There is no escape from this mistake. This tragedy adds to the wrinkles and grey hairs that I am collecting. How does one fix this mess is beyond me right now. I have obstacles and ogres destroying the bridge I am attempting to build. I associate with the man who tries to drink from the well with a sieve.
I am aware that I am talking in riddles. This subject is too painful to discuss yet blocks me from writing about common daily activities due to my frustrations. I hate the secretary for the destruction she has done to me out of jealousy and fear. I walk with perfect love and perfect trust. Sometimes that isn't enough, anger and the colour red burns my eyes. I have to step away from the fire because it is consuming me. We should "love our enemies", but what if those enemies spread slander and mental abuse in my name? The "meek shall inherit the earth", I just want to roast a few marshmallows with Pele. There is an ancient Japanese art of bondage, I can truly understand why they created this. It represents the obstacles in life. The ropes that restrain and strangle us. Our bonds with fellow humans. That damn secretary, that stump jumping pop-tart and her roly-poly companion. How can one be a certified teacher with such misogynist qualities? How can one hate me for such sacrifices and the ultimate gift of giving? Why am I the beast? Why am I the beast? I had perfect love.
By the Gods above, I hurt. I hate walking away with a trace of moisture on my hands and not the water that quenches my thirst. I am tortured on a yearly basis. Why couldn't I be forgotten and left in peace? Why was my little universe shook up once again? This snow globe is spinning and making me dizzy. I feel like the penny on the record player. I am so caught up in this blizzard. What have I done that makes me such a threat that lies must be said about me? I have perfect love.
Forgiveness has become a perfected art for me. I seem to practice my gift daily on strangers and so called friends. Especially to those who named themselves my "Friend" I have had to forever forgive. I don't think I am capable of forgiving the "Friend" and the Stranger. I have found my boundaries and not sure how to say NO. The word NO has ramifications that could victimize the very innocent that I don't want removed from my life now. Yesterday was different, but not today. It is too late. I hate the deceitful secretary. I have perfect trust, I have perfect love.
I have been stalked, harassed, and slandered for trying to be a better person. I hid from my pain trying to keep my face up to the sun. The turtle is deformed, a mutation that is still trying to survive. I still have love for it. I still love the turtles. Why can't the Stranger and the Secretary stop being so destructive to me. Just get it over with it and stab me. I am dying already from the damage. I lose a bit of myself every day because of this mistake. The mirror doesn't tell lies. I will always haunt them. She wears my face, they can't erase it. They can't deny it. They can't hide it. Yes, it is me. Yes, it is him. Please, just stick that knife into my chest and finish the job. "....Can never receive too much love". They are liars. Gods, I made the biggest mistake of my life. It is too late, hindsight is always 20/20. Being a noble person makes one an ass.
The little person sitting inside of my belly is so afraid of this pain. A mortal wound made with no physical weapon. I hate the Secretary, I hate the Stranger. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this. I never knocked on their door, I didn't drive upon their front yard, I didn't say hi to the Secretary. I was willing to wait. Nothing is better than a perpetual fucking carrot hanging in front of my nose. Honestly, you can stick that carrot where the sun doesn't shine. Why couldn't the Secretary stay away? It is too late. Every broken promise, I am not surprised that I am the one with integrity, yet they call me a beast. I gave my word and so did the Secretary. One lie after another tumbled from the Secretary's lips. The Devil has competition. Next time I will french kiss Lucifer himself, before I take the Secretary at her word. (At least I will know HE won't disappoint me.) May the Goddess protect me.
I met Jack the other day. He was carrying that lantern in a turnip shell. He told me that these burdens are not making the bread rise. It isn't the yeast that is bad, it is the temperature of the baker that keeps making it fail. I made a huge mistake, By the Gods, I made a huge mistake. A good walk by the beach may help me. Talk to the Shark Gods and tell them my secret, my little secret. Let him eat my enemies, feast for 1,000 hungry beasts. One day that day will come. One day this will all be behind me. I have my walking stick and packing my things. The North Wind blows, calling my name. Between Heaven and Hell, I search for redemption by walking the Earth. Jack has a great candle and is holding my hand. At least I have one true friend. Through Purgatory, Jack and I will travel hand in hand, friends forever haunting the Earth until the end of time.
I am aware that I am talking in riddles. This subject is too painful to discuss yet blocks me from writing about common daily activities due to my frustrations. I hate the secretary for the destruction she has done to me out of jealousy and fear. I walk with perfect love and perfect trust. Sometimes that isn't enough, anger and the colour red burns my eyes. I have to step away from the fire because it is consuming me. We should "love our enemies", but what if those enemies spread slander and mental abuse in my name? The "meek shall inherit the earth", I just want to roast a few marshmallows with Pele. There is an ancient Japanese art of bondage, I can truly understand why they created this. It represents the obstacles in life. The ropes that restrain and strangle us. Our bonds with fellow humans. That damn secretary, that stump jumping pop-tart and her roly-poly companion. How can one be a certified teacher with such misogynist qualities? How can one hate me for such sacrifices and the ultimate gift of giving? Why am I the beast? Why am I the beast? I had perfect love.
By the Gods above, I hurt. I hate walking away with a trace of moisture on my hands and not the water that quenches my thirst. I am tortured on a yearly basis. Why couldn't I be forgotten and left in peace? Why was my little universe shook up once again? This snow globe is spinning and making me dizzy. I feel like the penny on the record player. I am so caught up in this blizzard. What have I done that makes me such a threat that lies must be said about me? I have perfect love.
Forgiveness has become a perfected art for me. I seem to practice my gift daily on strangers and so called friends. Especially to those who named themselves my "Friend" I have had to forever forgive. I don't think I am capable of forgiving the "Friend" and the Stranger. I have found my boundaries and not sure how to say NO. The word NO has ramifications that could victimize the very innocent that I don't want removed from my life now. Yesterday was different, but not today. It is too late. I hate the deceitful secretary. I have perfect trust, I have perfect love.
I have been stalked, harassed, and slandered for trying to be a better person. I hid from my pain trying to keep my face up to the sun. The turtle is deformed, a mutation that is still trying to survive. I still have love for it. I still love the turtles. Why can't the Stranger and the Secretary stop being so destructive to me. Just get it over with it and stab me. I am dying already from the damage. I lose a bit of myself every day because of this mistake. The mirror doesn't tell lies. I will always haunt them. She wears my face, they can't erase it. They can't deny it. They can't hide it. Yes, it is me. Yes, it is him. Please, just stick that knife into my chest and finish the job. "....Can never receive too much love". They are liars. Gods, I made the biggest mistake of my life. It is too late, hindsight is always 20/20. Being a noble person makes one an ass.
The little person sitting inside of my belly is so afraid of this pain. A mortal wound made with no physical weapon. I hate the Secretary, I hate the Stranger. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this. I never knocked on their door, I didn't drive upon their front yard, I didn't say hi to the Secretary. I was willing to wait. Nothing is better than a perpetual fucking carrot hanging in front of my nose. Honestly, you can stick that carrot where the sun doesn't shine. Why couldn't the Secretary stay away? It is too late. Every broken promise, I am not surprised that I am the one with integrity, yet they call me a beast. I gave my word and so did the Secretary. One lie after another tumbled from the Secretary's lips. The Devil has competition. Next time I will french kiss Lucifer himself, before I take the Secretary at her word. (At least I will know HE won't disappoint me.) May the Goddess protect me.
I met Jack the other day. He was carrying that lantern in a turnip shell. He told me that these burdens are not making the bread rise. It isn't the yeast that is bad, it is the temperature of the baker that keeps making it fail. I made a huge mistake, By the Gods, I made a huge mistake. A good walk by the beach may help me. Talk to the Shark Gods and tell them my secret, my little secret. Let him eat my enemies, feast for 1,000 hungry beasts. One day that day will come. One day this will all be behind me. I have my walking stick and packing my things. The North Wind blows, calling my name. Between Heaven and Hell, I search for redemption by walking the Earth. Jack has a great candle and is holding my hand. At least I have one true friend. Through Purgatory, Jack and I will travel hand in hand, friends forever haunting the Earth until the end of time.