Ye Olde Nostalgia
Heh, today I have been dwelling on the past an awful lot. I remember when Cartoon Network was the best thing in the world and all that you really wanted to do was catch all of the Pokemon on your brick-of-a-Game Boy. How do things get so damned complicated? Now it seems that nothing is the best, or at least nothing that you know and your current goal is to get into college, get married, raise a family. I remember when all that I had to worry about was whether or not I was going to bed at eight thirty or eight. Now, so many things come along with this new self. I miss it. I really do. I miss being able to have a bad day because some dumb ass bullied me and come home to my mother's arms and everything was better. Mother's arms are and always will be a godsend, but they can't cure everything. At this rate, things get more and more estranged as time trots is devious course.
I don't know why I get like this, but I do. About once every three months or so. I just feel like I am stuck in between still wanting to be a kid and playing Pokemon and watching cartoons and running around with a little snot nose and not give a damn and wanting to be an adult whom can formulate decisions, good and bad, and have a family and a kid of his own. No part of me wants to stay here. A part wants to buy the latest Game Boy and Pokemon game and another wants to write this entry and bitch to the world about its angst. I don't have adult problems per say as of yet, but I dread the thought. It's like wanting to go to war to see the world, but not wanting to kill anyone (and the Coast Guard isn't an option). I don't ever want to have the sudden impending feeling of doom when a woman I love says "I'm pregnant," but I want to be a father.
To subdue that snot-nosed, high pitch voiced, nagging, pipsqueak side of me, I went to the YouTube and watched old episodes of Ed Edd and Eddy, all of the old Pokemon theme songs, and a few other things. Memories flooded my mind from when I was five, sitting on the couch half asleep at six thirty in the morning in my PJs with a plastic bowl containing cereal in my lap, anxiously awaiting the new episode of Pokemon on a Saturday morning so that I could talk about it with my friends Monday and nag the ever living piss out of my mother to the point where Pokemon is almost "banned" from the house. That was never a likely solution -- my room would have to have been redone and a single mother raising a kid doesn't have that kind of money. I remember my bio-dad calling at obscure times during the night telling me how he bought me another pack of the cards. I remembered the dangerous rides over to Books-A-Million every Sunday to buy a new pack of cards, unaware that my mom was following us, every Sunday, in case he got pulled over (he was on probation with a permanently suspended licence).
All I have to say is, "Go to Hell angst." I don't enjoy the random transformations into this horrid monster that belongs nowhere. Go, go away and do not come back another day, for you belong not among me. "Fight it, f*** it, it's all the same".
I don't know why I get like this, but I do. About once every three months or so. I just feel like I am stuck in between still wanting to be a kid and playing Pokemon and watching cartoons and running around with a little snot nose and not give a damn and wanting to be an adult whom can formulate decisions, good and bad, and have a family and a kid of his own. No part of me wants to stay here. A part wants to buy the latest Game Boy and Pokemon game and another wants to write this entry and bitch to the world about its angst. I don't have adult problems per say as of yet, but I dread the thought. It's like wanting to go to war to see the world, but not wanting to kill anyone (and the Coast Guard isn't an option). I don't ever want to have the sudden impending feeling of doom when a woman I love says "I'm pregnant," but I want to be a father.
To subdue that snot-nosed, high pitch voiced, nagging, pipsqueak side of me, I went to the YouTube and watched old episodes of Ed Edd and Eddy, all of the old Pokemon theme songs, and a few other things. Memories flooded my mind from when I was five, sitting on the couch half asleep at six thirty in the morning in my PJs with a plastic bowl containing cereal in my lap, anxiously awaiting the new episode of Pokemon on a Saturday morning so that I could talk about it with my friends Monday and nag the ever living piss out of my mother to the point where Pokemon is almost "banned" from the house. That was never a likely solution -- my room would have to have been redone and a single mother raising a kid doesn't have that kind of money. I remember my bio-dad calling at obscure times during the night telling me how he bought me another pack of the cards. I remembered the dangerous rides over to Books-A-Million every Sunday to buy a new pack of cards, unaware that my mom was following us, every Sunday, in case he got pulled over (he was on probation with a permanently suspended licence).
All I have to say is, "Go to Hell angst." I don't enjoy the random transformations into this horrid monster that belongs nowhere. Go, go away and do not come back another day, for you belong not among me. "Fight it, f*** it, it's all the same".