Nervous Wreck
Okay, so today is the day. Friday I had my follow up MRI, and today I get the results. If it goes like Friday did, that would be great-the U was virtually closed, apparently there was a floating holiday, spring break, and southern Minnesota had just gotten 14 inches of snow AND IT WAS COMING OUR WAY! Yeah, right.But I can't help but be nervous. What if nothing has happened to the tumor? What if it's grown? What if it's some new crazy demonic shape and it's taking over my brain? Rationally, I'm sure it's shrunk. At least a little, but my stomach is doing butterflies, I'm trembling a bit, I feel sick. I think I know why this is bothering me so much-I can't keep fighting this thing. I want my life to be normal-well, such as it was- again. Plus, my Dad's best friend's kid David Contreras, just up and died in his sleep on Thursday nite. He was 38, and left behind a wife, and two kids-one of them being 6 months younger than Rowan. This is freaking us all out. I don't want to leave Rowan motherless. Or Mojocatt wifeless. I'm trying to get healthy again-I'm eating better, went to the gym(!) you know, all that good stuff. But David was healthy too. Where did that get him? Sometimes it's enough to make you want to eat an entire chocalate cake(or french silk pie) and say fuck it-life's too short, I'm gonna do whatever I want. Live it up! But life isn't like that. I'm supposed to be the perfect mom, have the perfect house, be super skinny, beautiful, AND work too. And don't forget-cook healthy balanced meals, and eat rice cakes for snacks, and I should like it! Sorry, been reading too many women's magazines. Anyhow, Rowan is finally awake and she wants Rice Krispies. I'll post later when I know more.