That There Meme What's Going Around
Step 1: List 10 of your characters.
Step 2: Answer these questions!
1) Ahura-El of Eli, better known as Glimmer (In Nomine)
2) Brandon Watermore (Unknown Armies)
3) Eddie MacFarlane (Deadlands)
4) Brand (Mouse Guard)
5) Randy Cahill (ViP)
6) Beathan Lachlann (Ars Magica)
7) Gul de Nogent (WFRP)
8) Monty Sopwith-Holmes (Steampunk Ghostbusters)
9) Mula (Eclipse Phase)
10) Detective Darren Spears (GIA)
Four invites Three and Eight to dinner at their house. What happens?
Eddie doesn't fit, which is probably extremely lucky for Brand as he'd otherwise eat the host. Monty badgers Egon until he gets a shrinking machine - NO! A shrinking CADILLAC, bitches - drives there in style, has a rollicking good time, gets drunk, picks up a ladymouse, and it all goes on his blog.
Nine tries to get Five to go to a strip club. How?
Speaking as a giant robot snake, she doesn't. Back before the Event, she flashes some cleavage and lures him along. Randy goes along because he has an image to maintain.
You need to stay at a friend's house for the night. Who do you choose, One or Six?
Oh, Beathan's. I get some awesome home cooking, avoid the other mages, then get the hell out of there before one of the crazies turns the place into stone again. Glimmer's dossed down in some crappy places, and the good ones, well, his brother's fussy about company.
Three falls in love with Six, Eight is jealous. What happens?
Beathan is married and genuinely, much to my confusion, loves his wife. Eddie is incapable of a sexual relationship. Beathan also has the sexual morals of a C13th Christian saint. This leads to a lot of praying, some chat, and not much action. Monty shrugs, proposes a threesome, and heads off to play golf.
Four jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue, Ten, Two or Seven?
Darren won't unless the presence of a talking mouse criminal alerts his magic senses. Brandon would shrug and leave me to get on with booting the mouse across the alleyway.
Gul would skewer the chaos-spawn on the tip of his lance with a jammy roll.
One decides to start a cooking show. Fifteen minutes later, what is happening?
Fifteen minutes later the traditional English roast beef is prepped and in the oven, the soup is coming to the boil, the salad has been prepped, he's finishing off making the pasta and the Italian tomato sauce from scratch by selectively accelerating their aging, he's conducting a demonstration of traditional Japanese cooking, there's a diagram for an improved TV studio on the wall, and he's talking about something else. 50% chance? Ponies.
Seven kidnaps Two and demands something from Five for Two's release. What is it?
...
I almost got nothin'. OK, here goes: Gul's liege-lord has ordered that the mystical sage be seized and interrogated. This turns out to be a plan to get the entire Queensryche album Operation Mindcrime played on Randy's show, with a dedication. 16 XP later, Brandon steps out of his cell door and back into Chicago.
Everyone gangs up on Three, does Three have a chance in hell?
Well, Darren is the Sorceror Supreme of his earth and can do all sorts of shit. Glimmer has been known to shred things' very essence by screaming lasers at them - seriously, people are worrying about it, it shouldn't be that powerful - and Beathan can destroy flesh at his power level and hates demons. Presuming he knows about Eddie's manitou, any one of these will fuck Eddie six ways from Sunday. And Beathan and Glimmer would both shrug off heart attacks.
Everyone is invited to Two and Ten's wedding, except for Eight. How do they react?
...
I'm more interested in how Paradise reacts when Brandon marries a dude who is the most powerful mage on the planet. Monty either crashes the wedding and is sufficiently awesome to sleep with the maids of honour, then sticks it on his blog, or liveblogs some truly insane stunt.
Why is Six afraid of Seven?
Bretonnians don't like mages. Gul is good on the charge. Admittedly, he doesn't have any magic items yet, so on the charge his lance fails him (Rego Herbam), his horse throws him (Rego Animal), and Beathan then leaves. On Gul's horse. (Still Rego Animal.) If Gul is very lucky, he doesn't catch up when Beathan runs into Rebecca. (Creo Ignem)
One arrives late for Two and Ten's wedding. What happens and why were they late?
Because they had to check on their tribe, sleep with their brothersistersiblingTWIN, chat with their boss, make a temple, and that was all fine but then they got distracted.
Five and Nine get roaring drunk and end up in your house. What happens?
Randy gets given control of the sound system, and I get everyone interested over for the party. Mula remains a giant robot snake.
Nine murders Two's best friend. What does Two do to get back at them?
His best friend? Oh, that's worth a major. Two raids the set of CASTLE in LA, making off with the only copy extant of one of the Derek Storm novels - a major artefact - and traps Mula inside, ooh, let's see, THE COMPLETE CONAN, where they know what to do to snakes. Mula appears in every single copy of the books and spawns a belief that REH's Hyborea is not only our past but our future because of this weird technothing Conan slices apart.
Six and One are in mortal danger, only one of them can survive. Does Six save herself or One?
Beathan is a living, breathing saint. Glimmer is an angel. If there truly is no way out, Glimmer accepts, puts a tattoo of him next to the memorial for Oannes, Archangel of Water, and goes on with his life.
Two and Three go camping. For some reason they forget to bring any food. What do they do?
Eddie eats a nearby animal. This will probably be a cat. Brandon walks to Paris, buys fine food, and walks back. This takes around twelve hours. Brandon then reads any novel involving a chef, becomes amazing at cooking, and rustles up some fine chow. Alternatively, Eddie's Manitou flips out and he goes for Brandon, who promptly shoots his face off.
Step 2: Answer these questions!
1) Ahura-El of Eli, better known as Glimmer (In Nomine)
2) Brandon Watermore (Unknown Armies)
3) Eddie MacFarlane (Deadlands)
4) Brand (Mouse Guard)
5) Randy Cahill (ViP)
6) Beathan Lachlann (Ars Magica)
7) Gul de Nogent (WFRP)
8) Monty Sopwith-Holmes (Steampunk Ghostbusters)
9) Mula (Eclipse Phase)
10) Detective Darren Spears (GIA)
Four invites Three and Eight to dinner at their house. What happens?
Eddie doesn't fit, which is probably extremely lucky for Brand as he'd otherwise eat the host. Monty badgers Egon until he gets a shrinking machine - NO! A shrinking CADILLAC, bitches - drives there in style, has a rollicking good time, gets drunk, picks up a ladymouse, and it all goes on his blog.
Nine tries to get Five to go to a strip club. How?
Speaking as a giant robot snake, she doesn't. Back before the Event, she flashes some cleavage and lures him along. Randy goes along because he has an image to maintain.
You need to stay at a friend's house for the night. Who do you choose, One or Six?
Oh, Beathan's. I get some awesome home cooking, avoid the other mages, then get the hell out of there before one of the crazies turns the place into stone again. Glimmer's dossed down in some crappy places, and the good ones, well, his brother's fussy about company.
Three falls in love with Six, Eight is jealous. What happens?
Beathan is married and genuinely, much to my confusion, loves his wife. Eddie is incapable of a sexual relationship. Beathan also has the sexual morals of a C13th Christian saint. This leads to a lot of praying, some chat, and not much action. Monty shrugs, proposes a threesome, and heads off to play golf.
Four jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue, Ten, Two or Seven?
Darren won't unless the presence of a talking mouse criminal alerts his magic senses. Brandon would shrug and leave me to get on with booting the mouse across the alleyway.
Gul would skewer the chaos-spawn on the tip of his lance with a jammy roll.
One decides to start a cooking show. Fifteen minutes later, what is happening?
Fifteen minutes later the traditional English roast beef is prepped and in the oven, the soup is coming to the boil, the salad has been prepped, he's finishing off making the pasta and the Italian tomato sauce from scratch by selectively accelerating their aging, he's conducting a demonstration of traditional Japanese cooking, there's a diagram for an improved TV studio on the wall, and he's talking about something else. 50% chance? Ponies.
Seven kidnaps Two and demands something from Five for Two's release. What is it?
...
I almost got nothin'. OK, here goes: Gul's liege-lord has ordered that the mystical sage be seized and interrogated. This turns out to be a plan to get the entire Queensryche album Operation Mindcrime played on Randy's show, with a dedication. 16 XP later, Brandon steps out of his cell door and back into Chicago.
Everyone gangs up on Three, does Three have a chance in hell?
Well, Darren is the Sorceror Supreme of his earth and can do all sorts of shit. Glimmer has been known to shred things' very essence by screaming lasers at them - seriously, people are worrying about it, it shouldn't be that powerful - and Beathan can destroy flesh at his power level and hates demons. Presuming he knows about Eddie's manitou, any one of these will fuck Eddie six ways from Sunday. And Beathan and Glimmer would both shrug off heart attacks.
Everyone is invited to Two and Ten's wedding, except for Eight. How do they react?
...
I'm more interested in how Paradise reacts when Brandon marries a dude who is the most powerful mage on the planet. Monty either crashes the wedding and is sufficiently awesome to sleep with the maids of honour, then sticks it on his blog, or liveblogs some truly insane stunt.
Why is Six afraid of Seven?
Bretonnians don't like mages. Gul is good on the charge. Admittedly, he doesn't have any magic items yet, so on the charge his lance fails him (Rego Herbam), his horse throws him (Rego Animal), and Beathan then leaves. On Gul's horse. (Still Rego Animal.) If Gul is very lucky, he doesn't catch up when Beathan runs into Rebecca. (Creo Ignem)
One arrives late for Two and Ten's wedding. What happens and why were they late?
Because they had to check on their tribe, sleep with their brothersistersiblingTWIN, chat with their boss, make a temple, and that was all fine but then they got distracted.
Five and Nine get roaring drunk and end up in your house. What happens?
Randy gets given control of the sound system, and I get everyone interested over for the party. Mula remains a giant robot snake.
Nine murders Two's best friend. What does Two do to get back at them?
His best friend? Oh, that's worth a major. Two raids the set of CASTLE in LA, making off with the only copy extant of one of the Derek Storm novels - a major artefact - and traps Mula inside, ooh, let's see, THE COMPLETE CONAN, where they know what to do to snakes. Mula appears in every single copy of the books and spawns a belief that REH's Hyborea is not only our past but our future because of this weird technothing Conan slices apart.
Six and One are in mortal danger, only one of them can survive. Does Six save herself or One?
Beathan is a living, breathing saint. Glimmer is an angel. If there truly is no way out, Glimmer accepts, puts a tattoo of him next to the memorial for Oannes, Archangel of Water, and goes on with his life.
Two and Three go camping. For some reason they forget to bring any food. What do they do?
Eddie eats a nearby animal. This will probably be a cat. Brandon walks to Paris, buys fine food, and walks back. This takes around twelve hours. Brandon then reads any novel involving a chef, becomes amazing at cooking, and rustles up some fine chow. Alternatively, Eddie's Manitou flips out and he goes for Brandon, who promptly shoots his face off.