aaaaaaawwwwwwwwwAAAARRGGGGGGGHHHHH FUCKIN HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHY DO I GET THE FEELING I HAVE TO GO AROUND APOLOGISING FOR SHIT IVE DONE WROTE AND SAID TO PEOPLE OVER THE LAST FEW DAYS ---IT AINT BEEN ME---ERMMMM-WELL IT HAS BEEN ! BUT NOT ! ---IAM SO FUCKIN' TIRED NOW ITS A JOKE, IAM GOING DEMENTED (SOME WOULD SAY 'MORE SO'!) I AM NORMAL BUT ITS LIKE THERES A SHEET OF CELLOPHANE OR IAM IN A BUBBLE ITS LIKE IAM WATCHING MYSELF AND THE SHIT IS I COULD EXPLAIN IT IF I HAD HAD SOME REST I AINT SLEPT ON MY BED FOR NR TWO WEEKS JUST EVERYNIGHT DOING THE SAME ROUTINE NEVER O ANYTHING DIFFERENT TO HALP ME SPLIT DAYS UP AND HAVE A WEEKEND ,THERES JUST NO FUCKIN' STRUCTURE I NEED THAT WARMTH AGAIN, BUT AS I SAID TO MIN LASTNIGHT ITS CATCH 22 AND AT 32 I ALLREADY FEEL ITS TO LATE TO CHANGE AND WITH THINGS LIKE THEY ARE THE LIKELEYHOOD OF FINDING THE WARMTH OF A LOVE SEEM TO BE CRAVING FOR -I EVEN TRIED TO GET DEEP WITH FUCKIN DAD TO FEEL JUST some fuckin'LOVE BUT HE WAS COLD AS ICE AS USUAL I AINT SEEN THE MAN FOR 7 MONTH BUT STILL HE JUST SITS THERE FINISHING HIS FUCKIN CROSSWORD AS OPOSED TO ASKING HOW HIS SON IS I LOOK AROUND AT THE HOUSE FALLING INTO A STATE ALMOST SOMETHING LIKE THE FLAT IN WITHNAIL AND I ---HE WONT EXCEPT THERES LIFE TO BE LIVED AFTER MUM BUT THE MAN HE WAS AND THE WOMEN SHE WAS HE'S LOST ALL CARE ---I AINT FACED IT MYSELF AS LIKE I PUT ON MY E-MAIL TO JACOB I FUCKIN DO WANT OTHER SHIT TO GET WORSE SO I CAN KEEP SHOVEING THAT GRIEF TO THE BACK OF ME AS HOW COULD/CAN/WILL I BE ABLE TO FORGIVE MYSELF FOR NOT BEING THERE BUT I FEEL DAMS FUCKING ANGRY AT HIM AND HER :'( FOR NOT TELLING ME HOW SEVERE AND HOW LONG SHE HAD EVEN HOW ILL SHE WAS, HOW JUST FUCKIN' HOW CAN I FORGIVE MYSELF AFTER THE WAY I WAS AND SO FUCKING DEVOID OF ANY FUCKIN SOUL I EVEN HAD TO FORCE TEARS AND THAT I CANT FORGIVE MYSELF FOR_ NEVER !!! AND I JUST BEEN IMMERSED IN THIS NUMBENESS OFSELF HATE AND EXCESSIVE CONCOCTIONS OF SAVED MEDS ONTOP OF NORMAL DOSES WICH JUST MAKES ME UNABLE TO GO TO BED JUST LIVING 24/7 EATING FUCK ALL UNLESS IAM TRYING TO DROWN IN BOWLS OF ALBUM [I GUESS YOU HAVE TO SEE THE FUNNY SIDE OF THAT BUT THATS THE THIRD TIME IVE GONE /UNDER/OVER WHILST EATING THE OTHER TIMES I TRUELY BELIEVE IF IT WASNT FOR MY BABY [GROSS TIME] LICKING IT OUT MY MOUTH AND WAKING UP COS OF IT AS OTHERWISE THAT WOULD GO DOWN THE WRONG WAY AND DIED JUST LIKE IAN DID
I KNOW ANDY IS A TOP BLOKE AND AS GOOD A CPN AS I COULD WISH FOR BUT ANJA WAS LIKE A REPLACEMEANT MUM I THINK SHE EMMINATED THAT COMPASHIONATE FEELING OF FEMALE WARMTH AND AFFECTION I SUPPOSE PLUS SHE WAS FOXY EAST GERMANIC TOTAL BABE BUT WHO THE FUC WOULD WANT ME AFTER MOST THE SHIT I TOLD HER.....................................................ANYWAY THE NODDING DOG IS BACK TIME TO PUT HIM DOWN I THINK!
I KNOW ANDY IS A TOP BLOKE AND AS GOOD A CPN AS I COULD WISH FOR BUT ANJA WAS LIKE A REPLACEMEANT MUM I THINK SHE EMMINATED THAT COMPASHIONATE FEELING OF FEMALE WARMTH AND AFFECTION I SUPPOSE PLUS SHE WAS FOXY EAST GERMANIC TOTAL BABE BUT WHO THE FUC WOULD WANT ME AFTER MOST THE SHIT I TOLD HER.....................................................ANYWAY THE NODDING DOG IS BACK TIME TO PUT HIM DOWN I THINK!