I wont deny my initial shock when Cait came to me for help with her sister. I also wont deny that I damn near chocked to death when Cait asked that Angelina be tied up, beaten and decorated with a shock collar that would go off every time she even tried to step foot in the training room door. Not that I didn't understand Cait's frustration and
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"And yes, you do need an intervention, an exorcism, something to get you out of this funk you are in....you are not the Angie I remember and that scares me."
"I wouldn't exactly call it an intervention." I said in the calmest voice I could muster up. I needed her to know I couldn't be intimidated by her or else nothing I said would reach her. "More like a, group sharing. The three of us being the group of course."
Group sharing? What was this, grade school? Group sharing, that sounded so ridiculous but it was the only thing that came to mind. And, it would be a group sharing of sorts. Angelina most certainly had some emotional scares that just wouldn't stop causing her pain, perhaps Cait and I could help with that. At least, I hoped we could. If she was ever to be the slayer she was meant to be she would have to learn how to control her emotional baggage. Not right away of course, it's not like we wanted her to be robotic, but with time and healing as most people do.
"We're, Cait and I, are just worried about you is all, and we want to help."
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"As for you Cait, you are my sister and you go to her? You say that I am different, well hell yes I am different, comes with all I have seen and had happen in the last year forgive me if I am not all puppy dogs and carousels and dancing in the streets." I say almost as angry as I could ever be. "The fact that you chose to go to one of them...well its wrong and you are lucky I haven...." I was about to say more when Cait slapped me directly across the face.
My hand rose to my cheek, my mouth wide open in shock and horror, my sister just slapped me. "You little bitch" I shout as I try to rush her. I was going to beat her into next week if I had to.
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"You know if you would shut up long enough to get to know Cassie you might see she is nothing like the old Council and she is not one of the ones that hurt Robert...but that would require you to actually shut up for once." I had just enough time as she stood there shocked to say what I had to say before she pummeled me. I knew it was coming, I had no doubts that she would be so pissed she would kill me.
I was about to say something else when she lunged at me calling me a bitch. Ok So what if I was, that doesn't negate the fact that she is going off the deep end and isn't the sister I once knew. Luckily though she was slower than usual, something to do with whatever is wrong with her and I was able to dodge her and she ran smack dab into the wall. I couldn't help it, I giggled. "Sorry..." I said as I turned to look at Cassie.
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"You know if you would shut up long enough to get to know Cassie you might see she is nothing like the old Council and she is not one of the ones that hurt Robert...but that would require you to actually shut up for once."
You could almost see the fury from Caits words rise up into Angelinas eyes and across her already flush cheeks. She was going to attack her, I just knew it, and what could I possibly do to stop it? Angelina was much stronger then the both of us put together. And quicker, she was that too. But, I couldn't allow her to hurt Cait.
I took a step forward just as Angelina started to move.
Cait giggled, "Sorry..."
I wasn't quite sure what had just happened here. Angelina had sprung like a wild cat, just as I had expected her to do, only she missed. Missed and came to a painful halt against the wall. I did a little head shake and looked at Angelina, bewildered. Not that it wasn't possible for Cait to have dodged her sister but the odds had been against her in such a small space, yet some how she had. Some how she had avoided Angelinas first attempt to unleash her wrath upon her. The second could only be worse...
"Angelina please, I'm not here to hurt you. All I want to do is help."
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Mostly I was just scared and I didn't want to admit that they may be right, I do need help, and most of all, I just longed for Robert and things to be the way they used to be.
Finally I just melt to the floor, it isn't like I was going to do any real damage to my sister. "Just tell me what is happening." I say finally as I look up at Cassie and my sister.
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I know I was pleading, but I didn't know what else to do and I was scared for Angie, for what she was going to do if this got any worse. "I think Cassie would agree with me, your health is tied to your emotions...and since you have been here you have been an emotional wreck. I think you just need some rest, some good food, and maybe a day off of training. Maybe we could go shopping, or you know, whatever. I promise I won't slap you again.." I add the last part with a smile trying to cheer her up, more than anything I just wanted my happy sister back.
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Her strength and speed were weak, this was painfully clear, but we hadn't done anything to her. Not that I was aware of at least. I should hope that Mr. Giles hadn't done anything to her either.
I was on the verge of tears when suddenly she just seemed to give up. She slumped to the floor looking hurt and defeated. This was not the way a slayer should look, not after something so small as a confrontation from a watcher and her sister.
Cait knelt down beside her for comfort. Cait's words passed through me like air. I knew I wasn't immune to the empathy and it didn't matter. It was actually a plus in this situation and I was grateful.
"I think Cassie would agree with me, your health is tied to your emotions...and since you have been here you have been an emotional wreck. I think you just need some rest, some good food, and maybe a day off of training. Maybe we could go shopping, or you know, whatever. I promise I won't slap you again.."
"Indeed, I agree." I said, also kneeling down beside them. "I'm afraid all the hurt and aggression your trying so desperately to keep inside had began to take its toll on you. Please, let me help you as best I can."
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I take a deep breath and look into her eyes "Why couldn't you all be bothered to help then? You think that I came here to help you? No, I came here to use the council the way they used me. Once I am sure I am ready I am going to go back and kill the bastard that took everything that mattered to me." It may be a last ditch effort to keep her at a distance. I couldn't keep Caitlen there, she knows everything when it comes to what I am feeling and what I need.
"Just let me do what I have to do and you will be rid of me soon enough."
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"I can't lose you too" I finally say as I grab her shirt and shake her. Realizing what I was doing I let go and back away.
"My idea of a shock collar looking better now?" I ask Cassie. Only something drastic was going to change Angelina's mind, and so far we haven't found that drastic measure.
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"Just let me do what I have to do and you will be rid of me soon enough."
"And when will it be enough? When you are dead? When I have finally lost everyone that I have loved? When you are buried next to Robert?"
I couldn't hold back the tears as I watched the two of them. God help me I had no idea why I cared so much for them but I did and their pain was so deep that I couldn't help but want to rid them of it. I wanted to take it away even if it meant baring it myself just so they could find some peace.
"My idea of a shock collar looking better now?" Cait asked.
I shook my head slowly, my eyes glued to Angelina. What came next was completely unexpected, even for me and I was the one who did it. I looked at Cait, blinked, allowing a whole new wave of tears free, then turned back to Angelina, leaned in and hugged her.
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Just as I am about to break Cassie away from Angie, to protect her after all, Angie gives, she melts and clings to her. When I think I can't be more confused, more shocked Angie continues to surprise me.
I sit back, letting them have their moment. Why would I interrupt what looks like progress? Instead I just sit here looking like a freak who can't find something useful to do while the psycho slayer has her breakthrough with a watcher.
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I finally give up, what is the use? I can't bring myself to hurt someone else, to cause someone else pain, no matter how much I wanted to. Instead all I could bring myself to do was sit there, my arms finally wrapped around her and all I could do was sob.
I really am not the crying type. I don't sit around and think of ways to better myself and reasons why I am so fucked up, I just am what I am, but yet she brings something out in me, something that terrifies me. I want to find out what is wrong with me. Not only physically, but emotionally. Why am I still sobbing over Robert's death?
I should have moved on, I should have found a new boyfriend, forgotten about Robert and how perfect he was and how much I just loved to lay in his arms. How much I loved the fact that no matter how much I messed up he loved me just for me. He was my safe place, my refuge and now he is gone, but I should have moved on. I should be stronger and be the better one for Caitlen, but I can't, I can't seem to move past it all.
But all I can do in this moment is cry in the arms of a woman I don't trust, a woman who I should hate almost as much as David. "Why do you Care?" I finally manage to ask. "Why can't you let me self destruct, you know everyone will be happier.
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The pain in my ribs burned; bruised but not broken, I am sure of it. Why they aren't broken I have no idea. It wasn't as if she had been holding back. It wasn't as if, in that moment, she cared what came of me. So, why hadn't it hurt more then it had?
I didn't have time to think about it. She had stopped fighting me and now held as tightly to me as I was to her. Her sobs pulled at my heart strings. I would give anything to make her pain go away but I can't. For now all I can do is hug her.
"Why do you Care? Why can't you let me self destruct, you know everyone will be happier."
I sat back and looked into her puffy eyes. God help me, I don't know! I don't know why I cared so much, I just did! I stared at her and when I knew she was looking at me, really looking back and not through me, I glanced over at Cait.
"Not everyone."
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"You really should give up Cassie." I say using her name for the first time since I had met her. "I am a lost cause." I would have said more, but my sister had to throw her two cents in. I knew that she meant well, and I knew that I didn't want to cause her more pain, but somewhere deep inside none of that made sense, I had given up and nothing mattered anymore, A place I never thought I would ever reach.
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I know it is hard, he was a good man and he shouldn't have died. I am in no way saying she should get over it and forget about what happened, but she does need to live her life. Robert would want her to be happy, he would want her to have everything she ever dreamed of, even if that was without him, he would be watching her. I just hope that she can eventually see that.
"Angie.." I whisper "Do you think this is what he would want for you?" I had to know what she thought he would want, maybe then she would see that she needs to move on.
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I had nothing else, this was it. If this intervention couldn't save her then what could? Her own sister was sitting beside me, had come to me even, because she couldn't reach her. How in the name of Jesus was I, a complete stranger, supposed to do what her own flesh and blood couldn't.
"Angie.." Cait whisperd "Do you think this is what he would want for you?"
I took Caits hand in mine and squeezed. Not a reprimanding squeeze but a support one. I understood what she was trying to do and all I could do was pray that it worked. Angelina needed help and support but first she needed forgiveness. It was a forgiveness only she could give.
She needed to forgive herself.
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