Looking for answers

Dec 03, 2006 13:31

I wondered how long I had been in hell... I wondered how my friends were doing, how- how Wesley was doing. I had so many questions, as always, and no one to give me a decent answer. It was day time already; I didn't want to intrude on anyone's party the previous night when I was brought back from the dead. I guess, the shock of coming back was a tough pill to swallow and I didn't feel like explaining myself. I didn't even know where 'here' was... but it wasn't L.A. that was for sure. I had never been anywhere out side of L.A. No, wait, there was Texas. I had grown up there. And there was also Pylea. Been there too... Hell? I had been in hell, or my own private hell. Maybe I had gone crazy and it had all been in my mind... Maybe I had ended up in some place for loonies and somehow escaped and now I was better? Doubtful. But in morbid sort of way, a bit comforting. I guess I still didn't want to believe that I was here, and I was truly alive. I had watched everyone from a distance; I was always good at sneaking around. Something I learned in Pylea. I was cold and hungry too, but compared to where I had just been, this was another day at park. At some point I fell as sleep. Guess I was afraid that I would wake up there again. But I didn't.

I did, however, have many dreams. Some dreams were just mundane, didn't really mean anything. Other dreams- well, they were of the times when I was in hell, lost and lone. For a second, I thought that they were real, until they dissolved and I began to dream of other things...

Wesley, Charles, Angel and Cordelia and I were having dinner together, Chinese. I couldn't remember what we were talking about, but I remember laughing and being uncomfortable with the use of a spoon and fork. I felt happy, and warm. I was amongst friends, people that cared for me, and I cared for them. We were all a family. Wished I could have stayed in that dream a bit longer.

Then I dreamed about Wolfram and Hart. About Wesley and I, about the sarcophagus. I felt so stupid for being so curious about everything. Felt stupid because I wasn't careful when I knew the dangers and because of it I had lost everything that mattered. I wondered what it was that killed me and I wondered if they had been able to destroy it before it did any more damage.

My boys I said to myself. They would have won, no doubt about that. They always found a way to beat the bad guy.

I didn't really remember the last thing I dreamt about. It really didn't mean anything to me, but somehow things in my dream did feel familiar. Maybe it was just one of those dreams we have that, are just meaningless and you don't have them because you watched a movie or listened to a song right before you went to bed. I really didn't know.

I was in a cave, or at least it looked like a cave and I was standing in the middle of it, on a bridge that connected one side of the cave to the other. And I was looking down on it. There were coffins or that's what they looked like to me, and somehow I knew that the whole went all the way through, all the way to the other side of the world. I was simply looking down all the way through the other side. And that was all. I woke up after that.

I was a little startled at first. I didn't know where I was, or what I had been doing, but then I remembered all that had happened.

I need to call Wolfram & Hart. That was the first thought that had popped into my head.

That had been on my mind almost from the moment I arrived. I had to let someone know I was okay. That- that I was alive, that I was back. I had to call my parents, I had to let them all know. I had to...

I took a deep breath. I wasn't gonna solve nothing by just standing here. I picked a few leaves from hair and made my way towards the front door. I hoped that who ever answered the door didn't think I was some type of crazy woman. I reached for the door and knocked. I stood there for a few seconds then realized that there was a doorbell. How could I have missed it? Did I come back from the dead with less brain cells? "Focus Fred, focus.." I was just so nervous and anxious. Finally, I rang the doorbell and waited. Hopefully some one in this place was gonna be nice enough to help me.

[Open to Kennedy]
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