the wrek. The movie that is, not the ship
and the other one (Titanic)
TITANIC
“This is bad”
The sixth cinematic telling of the sinking of the titanic is better known by its 600 million in total earnings. James Cameron’s Titanic earned more than any other movie in cinema history. In its lengthy stretch in theaters (the second longest running movie to date) it won 11 Oscars and four golden globe awards. So it has to be pretty good, right?
Wrong.
I have to admit that initially I enjoyed this movie. As much as I hate to admit it, Leonardo DiCaprio is actually a fairly decent actor (although to be fair I haven’t seen any of his other movies). He pulls off a very convincing job as an American slum yet still retains his charismatic presence on screen. From his initial outburst of “We’re going to America” to his anticlimactic death he really does draw you in.
Its really bad his character in the movie is gay. Really. There are many notable references to his being so in this movie, primarily the now infamous “I’m king of the world” quote. He total unexpected of this is exploited when he somehow.... positions himself behind his roommate in a rather.... Non-masculine manner.
Titanic starts out bland, with a deep-sea exploration in which a chest was found with a naked woman in it#, which somehow made its way onto TV. I’m going to stop here for a second and point out that the TV was covered with breasts. Very realistic breasts. ON BROADBAND. Where is James Cameron when I need to do a study on Lauren Michelle Hill?
The chief explorer dude gets a call from someone that knows what happened and is willing to tell their story. Rose does not simply knows what happened, but was an important part in its sinking (at least according to the movie).
But then again you have to remember that the epic picture deviated a lot in the facts of the wreck. The Titanic did not sink because the watch guards were busy watching the horrible acting of Kate Winslet and failed to notice the HUGE COLOSSAL ICEBERG RIGHT IN FREAKING FRONT OF THEM. The original claim was also that the titanic was “practically unsinkable”, not simply unsinkable as per the drama.
Anyway, back to Kate Winslet’s horrible acting. What Dicaprio provided to the movie, Winslet subtracted from twofold. I found it hard to convince myself that the tramp who was marrying someone for their money could fall for a common Wisconsin boy. If they had replaced Kate Winslet with a wooden plank, I don’t think anybody would have noticed.#
From the wrinkly old woman the movie plunges full on into a romance between an upper class lady and your average bum that you meet on Spenard. It’s very touching, and can move even the coldest of hearts. It has its funny moments, as do all dramas worth note, and its moving moments.
But somewhere in between spitting off the side of the vessel and steamed sex in the back of an automobile, it hits you:
THE MOVIE IS NEVER GOING TO END
From that point forward all you can do is grimace.
What I DO give the movie credit for is for instating a sort of real-time effect, wherein every second that it took for the Titanic to sink was displayed on screen. The only problem with this was, as was aforementioned, the audience is ready to leave at this point. The second half of the movie consists of crash after crash after crash intertwined with shots of stupidity. Like the fiancee chasing them with a gun. Hello? THEY’RE GOING TO DROWN! You really don’t have to chase them down with a gun! It’s not necessary.
Then there’s an hour and a half where everything just fills up with water. This is kind of cool, but after the first 40 minutes or so it dwindles into repetition. Other movies of the same nature varied in their destruction#, but Titanic just has...water. Since they couldn’t add something else to the mix, it’s reasonable to ask them to cut down on it.
Yet they do not, and after an hour and then some of holding your sides, hoping to explode, the ship sinks into the water. It is tragic when you think of the 1500 souls who died because the rich decided it would be easier to not go back for them (save for one boat). Freezing to death really is the worst way to go.
Very quickly lets review.
GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE TITANIC
The ship breaks in half and plummets straight down
Kate Winslet gets topless
She also spits in her fiance’s face
People jump off the boat for no apparent reason
Leonardo DiCaprio anticlimactically freezes to death
BAD THINGS ABOUT THE TITANIC
The rest of the movie
I would feel incomplete if I failed to mention the horrible ending to this drawl. The old Rose walks to the end of the boat, and reaches into her pocket and withdrew the most expensive diamond in the world and gazed upon it.
“Oops,” She drops it into the water.
At this point I believe I stood up and punched Alex in the crotch.
--Sage Bilderback
TITANIC
“This is bad”
The sixth cinematic telling of the sinking of the titanic is better known by its 600 million in total earnings. James Cameron’s Titanic earned more than any other movie in cinema history. In its lengthy stretch in theaters (the second longest running movie to date) it won 11 Oscars and four golden globe awards. So it has to be pretty good, right?
Wrong.
I have to admit that initially I enjoyed this movie. As much as I hate to admit it, Leonardo DiCaprio is actually a fairly decent actor (although to be fair I haven’t seen any of his other movies). He pulls off a very convincing job as an American slum yet still retains his charismatic presence on screen. From his initial outburst of “We’re going to America” to his anticlimactic death he really does draw you in.
Its really bad his character in the movie is gay. Really. There are many notable references to his being so in this movie, primarily the now infamous “I’m king of the world” quote. He total unexpected of this is exploited when he somehow.... positions himself behind his roommate in a rather.... Non-masculine manner.
Titanic starts out bland, with a deep-sea exploration in which a chest was found with a naked woman in it#, which somehow made its way onto TV. I’m going to stop here for a second and point out that the TV was covered with breasts. Very realistic breasts. ON BROADBAND. Where is James Cameron when I need to do a study on Lauren Michelle Hill?
The chief explorer dude gets a call from someone that knows what happened and is willing to tell their story. Rose does not simply knows what happened, but was an important part in its sinking (at least according to the movie).
But then again you have to remember that the epic picture deviated a lot in the facts of the wreck. The Titanic did not sink because the watch guards were busy watching the horrible acting of Kate Winslet and failed to notice the HUGE COLOSSAL ICEBERG RIGHT IN FREAKING FRONT OF THEM. The original claim was also that the titanic was “practically unsinkable”, not simply unsinkable as per the drama.
Anyway, back to Kate Winslet’s horrible acting. What Dicaprio provided to the movie, Winslet subtracted from twofold. I found it hard to convince myself that the tramp who was marrying someone for their money could fall for a common Wisconsin boy. If they had replaced Kate Winslet with a wooden plank, I don’t think anybody would have noticed.#
From the wrinkly old woman the movie plunges full on into a romance between an upper class lady and your average bum that you meet on Spenard. It’s very touching, and can move even the coldest of hearts. It has its funny moments, as do all dramas worth note, and its moving moments.
But somewhere in between spitting off the side of the vessel and steamed sex in the back of an automobile, it hits you:
THE MOVIE IS NEVER GOING TO END
From that point forward all you can do is grimace.
What I DO give the movie credit for is for instating a sort of real-time effect, wherein every second that it took for the Titanic to sink was displayed on screen. The only problem with this was, as was aforementioned, the audience is ready to leave at this point. The second half of the movie consists of crash after crash after crash intertwined with shots of stupidity. Like the fiancee chasing them with a gun. Hello? THEY’RE GOING TO DROWN! You really don’t have to chase them down with a gun! It’s not necessary.
Then there’s an hour and a half where everything just fills up with water. This is kind of cool, but after the first 40 minutes or so it dwindles into repetition. Other movies of the same nature varied in their destruction#, but Titanic just has...water. Since they couldn’t add something else to the mix, it’s reasonable to ask them to cut down on it.
Yet they do not, and after an hour and then some of holding your sides, hoping to explode, the ship sinks into the water. It is tragic when you think of the 1500 souls who died because the rich decided it would be easier to not go back for them (save for one boat). Freezing to death really is the worst way to go.
Very quickly lets review.
GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE TITANIC
The ship breaks in half and plummets straight down
Kate Winslet gets topless
She also spits in her fiance’s face
People jump off the boat for no apparent reason
Leonardo DiCaprio anticlimactically freezes to death
BAD THINGS ABOUT THE TITANIC
The rest of the movie
I would feel incomplete if I failed to mention the horrible ending to this drawl. The old Rose walks to the end of the boat, and reaches into her pocket and withdrew the most expensive diamond in the world and gazed upon it.
“Oops,” She drops it into the water.
At this point I believe I stood up and punched Alex in the crotch.
--Sage Bilderback