Yo.
1. Even though we haven't spoken in about a year, I still catch myself thinking about you. Asking people how you are. Wondering how your life is and trying to look at your myspace. I know we both fucked up and when you called me on my birthday, my first move was to ignore the call. But a few moments later, I thought... why the fuck not? And I called back and it was as though nothing had happened between us. I can't believe we ended up like this. I can't believe you and I actually ended up like this. You were my soul mate. It doesn't have to be in a romantic way, but you literally completed and balanced me out... How on Earth could things have gone the way they did? It saddens me that we let something as cliche as relationships interfere with our friendships.. and then I think about it--- maybe we need this intervention? Maybe, in another few months or even years, we'll begin talking again and rekindle out friendship. But for now, I know we're not ready or mature enough. It's going to be to awkward, isn't it? It's going to be like we're trying to do something we were trying to avoid doing for a while, right? I love you.
2. Even though you act like an ass hole sometimes and you claim that I act like a bitch, I know we are made for eachother. I can't believe we've lasted this long... it makes me realize that it's going to be very hard for us to actually break up. You are going to be in my life for quite a while, I know this. The only thing that'll break us up is things like if we cheat on eachother, or kill eachother's family members and stuff like that. Even though I love you, though, I notice you have a lot of demons. You have skeletons in your closet that refuse to vacate and I wish I could help you but the only person that can help you is yourself. Sometimes I wonder during our fights if you wonder about her, but then you reassure me by running right back to me. I think what you did last year was a big mistake and even though I held on to it for so long, you truly put it behind you and now, almost a year later, is when I am starting to believe it. I want to be married to you (no matter how briefly) and I want to continue into this dazzling relationship. TQILY.
3. I was hurt by you. I don't think you did it intentionally---- I think that's what hurts more. Like you genuinely didn't think about me at all. I know it's silly, but it means a lot to me. I know you were angry at me because I stopped talking to you guys and I know you became closer to other people, but you were always in my heart. I went to visit you, too. And I was very excited... and it's as though I wasn't even there. I really regret losing contact with you guys. I never stop thinking about it because I constantly find myself in a lonely moment and I think, "damn, how was I feeling a year ago?" and I think about you. And the rest of you. But you, a lot. I hope one day, things'll go back to how they used to be,
4. I know I was the closest to you. Everyone knows it. I'll admit, I feel extremely jealous when you hang out with #3 because I feel like if my spot has been taken. I used to be your bestfriend and I miss you a lot. I know I was stupid and immature and pathetic, but I think I showed a lot of courage in calling you again. I know we don't have a lot in common - even less now that I do things that you don't do - but my opinion of you has always been above the opinion of everyone else we hung out with... even #1, as surprising as that is. I miss school shupply sopping, and I miss crying hysterically to you for everything. I miss when I would just put on a Beatles song in my room and play it and you would close your eyes and sing and I would just surf the net or what ever I was into at the time. I miss you. :(
5. I think out of all of us, you were the one who was most like me. I think we are both spoiled brats, attention whores, and stubborn, vengeful bitches. I don't think I've ever admitted that before, but I've always felt it. I think that's why you and I had such a good connection before. I think you take the same steps that I do, but just a bit after. Right now, what you're going through with our friends, I went through a few months ago. You and I do everything alike (almost) but you do it after me. I'm not saying you're copying me. I'm saying, we each do the same things but at different times. Do not abandom your friends. I'm telling you now. I miss you a lot and even though I get angry about you and talk crap about how you're selfish and what-not, I always care about you. Especially since I'm selfish, too.
I don't want to do anymore.
I'm done.