blah. writin in this journal again.
Well, here I am. Typing in this journal. Just thoughts to myself. So basically, things have been going.. insane. I have a lot to take care of, and a lot to think about. Things with Willy are going just fine... except right now, we sorta got into an argument, and now he's all like "I'll call you later" and it's just FUCK. anyway. yeah, about Willy. Well, damn, I went into the "relationship" awkwardly... hoping not to get too involved, hoping not to get too attatched, hoping not to fall again. and well, it's happened. I'm too attatched. I've grown so attatched to the kid in the past month we've had together. Like... it's weird when I don't talk to him in the morning. I really feel weird. I seriously can't stand the fact that I hurt him just now by bitching at him.. though it's merely bitching... it does bother, I suppose.
So I'm lookin at all these pics I took through out last year.. and I was cracking up. There are some days there that I don't even remember. Days that manage to escape the grasp of my memory. Pretty whack, huh? I have a pretty good memory. Anyway...
Damn. I just can't stop thinking about this kid. I wish he knew how much I fuckin cared for him and how much I hate seeing him when he's all angry, and all emo, and all that stupid shit that society pushes you to be.
Anyway, I'm really scared about the thing I have to do on Saturday.. That's not really cool, is it? I mean.. ME! Of all people.. the one who warns my friends about their actions, the one who supplies them with the stuff they need... the encouragement.. the equipment.. me. I landed in the spot they are in.. only 5X worst. This isn't some stupid "I'm-gonna-be-scared-just-for-the-hell-of-it-and-get-my-friends-scared-too-even-though-i-know-nothing-is-wrong" type of fear. This is "i-can't-believe-i-just-landed-myself-in-this-situation-and-i-hope-no-one-finds-out" kind of fear. Anyway... I'm not feelin really good. Been feelin nauseous lately.. so I'll just go lie in bed, and pretend to sleep. Even though my phone is on silent, and I am ignoring Edgar's texts... [trying to, atleast]
ANOTHER THING. This Edgar thing has got me like... PISSED. But not even, cause I don't really care about it. I just think is sucks that Edgar is all like "you're my bestfriend, i love you" and he fuckin calls me when he has nothing else to do. SCREW THAT. But I love the kid either way. lmfao. anyway. I just hate to be used, and I am sure a lot of you do, too. Right? Right!
So I'm lookin at all these pics I took through out last year.. and I was cracking up. There are some days there that I don't even remember. Days that manage to escape the grasp of my memory. Pretty whack, huh? I have a pretty good memory. Anyway...
Damn. I just can't stop thinking about this kid. I wish he knew how much I fuckin cared for him and how much I hate seeing him when he's all angry, and all emo, and all that stupid shit that society pushes you to be.
Anyway, I'm really scared about the thing I have to do on Saturday.. That's not really cool, is it? I mean.. ME! Of all people.. the one who warns my friends about their actions, the one who supplies them with the stuff they need... the encouragement.. the equipment.. me. I landed in the spot they are in.. only 5X worst. This isn't some stupid "I'm-gonna-be-scared-just-for-the-hell-of-it-and-get-my-friends-scared-too-even-though-i-know-nothing-is-wrong" type of fear. This is "i-can't-believe-i-just-landed-myself-in-this-situation-and-i-hope-no-one-finds-out" kind of fear. Anyway... I'm not feelin really good. Been feelin nauseous lately.. so I'll just go lie in bed, and pretend to sleep. Even though my phone is on silent, and I am ignoring Edgar's texts... [trying to, atleast]
ANOTHER THING. This Edgar thing has got me like... PISSED. But not even, cause I don't really care about it. I just think is sucks that Edgar is all like "you're my bestfriend, i love you" and he fuckin calls me when he has nothing else to do. SCREW THAT. But I love the kid either way. lmfao. anyway. I just hate to be used, and I am sure a lot of you do, too. Right? Right!