(no subject)

[bobthenakedelf]

wow, so it looks like i took a big step, and did something that, well.. i don't know. maybe i'll regret. who knows? I mean it was a right choice, right? breaking that frienship off, right? I was getting shit out of it.. just sleepless nights, and tears... right? It IS fucked up, that the only time he would actually want to talk to me was when no one was around. I was his "best friend" then, when no one else had the time to talk to HIM. Who was his bestfriend when everyone else was there? He threw that title at me like change to a peasant and i took it with greed. Even small things proved to me these past three days just how much he thought of his "bestfriend". Small things such as, me asking to see his toy gun... "no, you have to be a professional to be able to use it" but three minutes later, seeing some girl there ask to see it and him almost kneeling before her saying yes. Small things, like ditching me more then once on the bus. "Yeah, I'm sitting with you on the way down" He must have meant in spirit, cause i sat alone the whole time. Small things, such as not realizing HOW hurt I was all the time, and angry at him.. how i tried to ignore him. Small things. Well, small things never remain small, as this situation shows me. I quote myself what I told him last night... "I fall asleep every night thinking, 'how did i ruin my friendship with jazz..?!' but last night or the night before, i was talking to jessica about it, and i realized.. i didnt ruin this friendship; you did. Now, i'm gonna leave YOU falling asleep with the thought of "how did I ruin my friendship with Gaby?'" and the worst thing is that he didn't even fight. under the excuse that he didn't want to talk with dre in front of him. pathetic. i feel like crying, but i'm holding back my tears on this one. I mean.. i was never a bad friend. i can say that and feel confident about saying it. I stood there through everything, offered everything I had on bad situations, gave you advice, tried to talk to you when you needed it... I picked you up at some 15's you decided to get drunk at... I took you to your favorite band's concert.. I picked up late night phonecalls when you were bored.. even if i had school the next day. I hugged you when ever you felt sad or angry, and risked myself by driving illegily to your house. But then i stand upon this and look at it in thirdperson.. and the only thing you ever really did was well, buy me a journal for my birthday that you didn't even pick out, and other then that give me hugs and your love when we were alone or when you wanted something. Who else has ever done so much for you? Who else has ever been the friend I have to you? and who else has ever loved you as much?!

well. you let it go. now i'm letting you go.