(no subject)

[bobthedrummer4]

So, haven't updated in a while, and as usual...a depressing entry. I hate my insecurities and how they interfere with my life. Friendships are fine, I have so many friends/aquaintances and it's not a problem with them. I ony have to trust them so much, I mean I can confide in them mostly whatever I need/want to. It's when I have relationships closer than friends. I want to be totally trusting and basically be able to "be one" with the other person...I know that takes time, but I can't let go of myself. I can't give up my insecurities to believe someone would want to do the same for me. That's not something you can just take on the surface. I believe that I have nothing to offer the opposite sex. I mean logically I know no one else does either(as far as being compared to me and my qualities) It's such a fucking mystery. It doesn't help that in the media everybody fucking cheats and lies to their significant others and we're taught from an early age that that's what happens. I don't know what's causing these feelings of insecurity and trust issues, but I wish that they'd go away...now please.

ps: I fingers are doing this weird thing where they curl up and it's hard to uncurl them...maybe I'm dying.....atleast that would get rid of my insecurities..ha