(no subject)
Why do I feel like all I have done in life is fuck up? I feel like I am a rose. Once so beautiful, kind, puts smiles on people's faces, but after a while, I just wilt and die like the rest of the flowers in the group. I am like a candle....I can bring joy, heat, love, relaxation to peoples lives, but eventually, I will burn out and leave nothing but cold and hatred. I just wish that the lives that I have been in, I didn't destroy all hope or cause them to not want anything more in life. I am truely sorry to those whose lives I have fucked over....Maybe soon, I will cut them a break, and leave this town for good. I once felt like I was like the eternal flame at the tomb of the unknown soldier. Now I feel like that flame has been extinguished for good, and there is no love for me what so ever. I just want to go into a fire, bring someone out, and go back in and unplug myself from the SCBA oxygen tank and say goodbye to this world. But before I go, I want to find that one person who has made me happy....just find that one person, grab their hand, kiss it goodbye, look into their eyes, and tell them that I love them and will see them someday. She was the world to me, and now she is gone. Her life was ruined in 2 instances, and one of them was from me. I just wish that I could hold her in my arms at night, feel that soft skin, and listen to her breathe....Only then would I know that everything would be alright. Only then would I know the true meaning of life, doesn't revolve around saving people, fame, fortune, or lust. Only then would I once again realize that it isn't anything, but the everlasting love that was burning in both of our hearts. I loved her with all my heart, and now my heart has gone with her to another place, where I will never have it back. She can have my heart, soul, and life, as long as she is happy. I would give anything for her to be happy in life, but there are things that even I can't do. So many people have actually found out that I am just human. I have feelings, emotions, a life of my own, and it was in a way perfect, and now its just like everyone elses. Life filled with hatred, bombings, terrorism. My life was pure. My life had deer walking around in a peaceful meadow. Nothing could hurt them, and they were happy and free.
Right now, its about 02:43 hours, and I have the light on to outside, and I can just see a doe eating at the shrubbs that my aunt put in the yard.....Sure she will shit a brick, but that doe is happy. That doe is so peaceful, and doesn't mean to hurt anything. Its just wanting to survive through the night, and be free and happy. Maybe its in search of her mother, like I want to do. Maybe her father died when she was young, and so she never had a father to raise her through the tough parts in life. Maybe that doe is just trying to find that one special person that makes her want to wake up and start the new day. I knew that feeling at one point, and I loved it! I felt so powerful, and that nothing could stop me. Maybe that's what the doe is feeling.....I don't know. (I don't speak "bambi") I just want to be like that doe, nothing to worry about, just feeding in the peaceful night. I wish I could be that doe! Nothing to worry about until morning, and even then, maybe not worry so much. They are so peaceful of creatures, so pure. They remind me of when I was a baby....nothing to loose, but a world to gain!
Goodnight everyone, and I am suprised if anyone listens to my ramblings about a doe and my life.
Right now, its about 02:43 hours, and I have the light on to outside, and I can just see a doe eating at the shrubbs that my aunt put in the yard.....Sure she will shit a brick, but that doe is happy. That doe is so peaceful, and doesn't mean to hurt anything. Its just wanting to survive through the night, and be free and happy. Maybe its in search of her mother, like I want to do. Maybe her father died when she was young, and so she never had a father to raise her through the tough parts in life. Maybe that doe is just trying to find that one special person that makes her want to wake up and start the new day. I knew that feeling at one point, and I loved it! I felt so powerful, and that nothing could stop me. Maybe that's what the doe is feeling.....I don't know. (I don't speak "bambi") I just want to be like that doe, nothing to worry about, just feeding in the peaceful night. I wish I could be that doe! Nothing to worry about until morning, and even then, maybe not worry so much. They are so peaceful of creatures, so pure. They remind me of when I was a baby....nothing to loose, but a world to gain!
Goodnight everyone, and I am suprised if anyone listens to my ramblings about a doe and my life.