Does that make me a bad person?
I feel selfish to say this, but I'm emotionally crushed. In the current situation the person closest to me is in, I have the nerve to say I need someone. I have the outright gall to say that I need someone. I've never had to cope with anyone close to me losing a loved one. It's always been me on the other end. When I was in that situation, I wanted someone to get angry with me and tell me to stop being sad, to move on. But I don't think that's right for my mate. I don't know how to help him, I'm ignorant to what he needs, and I can't expect him to help me in anyway when he's the one in need of support. I just wish things would all stop, so no one would have to suffer anymore. Especially him. No one so wonderful deserves to go through things like this. Not even the worst of people deserve this. I keep repetatively posting things in order to keep my head from exploding, and I don't know why. I shouldn't be in any state of pain, only compassion. I didn't even know his mother, but seemingly, I know what it's like, and I'm reliving that nightmare over again through his eyes. All the things that happened, everything I suppressed is resurfacing, and I feel the same empty sense of loss, but it's not even mine! Could I be so emotonally attatched to him that I break down when he does? I hate this feeling, and I hate having to see the love of my life suffer because of this. I'm so confused, and angry with myself. To be so self centered that I focus on what my problems are instead of trying to make things easier for him makes me sick. Please forgive me, and if you're reading this, and you want to talk,please call me. I don't know what I can do to make things better for you, I don't know what I can do, but if there's anything you need, regardless of what it is, call me, and I don't think I can ever say "I love you", or any other word for that matter, enough to express what I need to say to you, or to let you know hiow much I want things to be better.
I love you...
I love you...