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"Mother, I come bearing a gift, I'll give you a hint, it's in my diaper and it's not a toaster"
Brodie Bruce: My cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of a sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control. So, he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So, all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So, all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of a sudden the hydraulics kick back in and the plane rights itself. It lands safely and everyone puts their pieces or whatever, you know, away and de-board. Nobody mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gil Hicks: Well, did he cum or what?
Brodie Bruce: Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!
Silent Bob's an electrical genius. He won the science fair in eight grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a C.D. player using chicken-wire and shit. Mother-fucker's like MacGyver! No, mother-fucker's better than MacGyver!
One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all. But, the next week, he did it again--difference cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And, I says to him, "Jesus, Walt, what are you doing?! You know you're just going to get this cat stuck in your ass, too." And, he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?"
You a gambling man santy?
'Twas a long time ago, longer now than it seems in a place perhaps you've seen in your dreams. For the story you're about to be told began with the holiday worlds of auld. Now you've probably wondered where holidays come from. If you haven't I'd say it's time you begun.
I'm in the spirit :o)