I'm broken
I thought I worried too much unnecessarily. As it turns out, I had every reason to be worrying. Maybe I didn't want to see it... Just blocked it out. I never knew how it felt to actually feel as if someone has ripped your heart out and torn it up in front of u. Done it more than once in fact... It doesn't feel nice. And I couldn't sleep because it hurt so much. So much so that even I can see I don't deserve that. I mean, I know I'm not perfect... but I do my best. All I did was open up. But i put my heart on the line... So i could blame myself. But wotz the point? Nothing seems to matter. I've been dreading going away to Portugal because of this... I didn't want to leave it. But now, it's best if i get away and just have time to myself. I don't think I can stand to be at home at the moment. Too many things to remind me and make me cry. I wish I wasn't so stupid and was more wary of wotz going on around me. My stupid stupid heart, putting me into these stupid situations. Leaving me totally gutted. And lost. I don't know wot the fuck to do. I'm just sitting here, feeling all pathetic and lost. Do I deserve this? I've never hurt anyone intentionally. And I don't plan to, I don't think anyone deserves to feel like this.