The time has come

[bobcatlb4205]

I said it a little too early in my mind. I think that she did too. The words “I love you” came out but without a meaningful tone. I can now say that those words are now spoken with some feeling. It might have taken a while but it finally feels good to know that you can say it and then have them spoken back to you with the same emotion that you had when you said them. It is such a great feeling. The truth of the matter is that this relationship could very well be my last high school relationship. With 43 weeks of high school time left, this could be the last call. The college dating scene is more expanded. I don’t want to think of the future right now because everything that I could ever want or need is here with me right now. I plan on living in the moment and enjoying every minute. Thankfully, the moment that I am in right now is also shared with the girl I love. I’m so thankful that she is in my life. I have to make sure that this relationship goes as smoothly as possible. I don’t want to screw it up. I know that you can’t base a relationship on the first 11 days but this is a relationship that I feel safe in. My relationship with Meagan wasn’t as safe. I never felt like the relationship would make it out of middle school and through a full first year of high school. It did and I was happy for the year and a half it lasted. This relationship probably won’t make it that far because it’s March and a year and a half from now is September 2005 and I will be a college student. I could be wrong and I want to be wrong. I want this to last more than a year and a half. The real test will be when I start to seriously consider college. Right now, I’m kicking back, enjoying the view with the girl I love, and having fun. I don’t know how long this will last but it has tendencies to make it through this first month and much farther. I’m thinking that the year mark wouldn’t be that hard to beat. Especially if we are supportive of each other and we don’t get tired of each other. I know that after a while, you will begin to want space. I have experienced this before and I know what it does to relationships. Once that happens, you might as well end it. Once space is asked for, it’s over. The reason that I think that Lauren and I could last for a while is because we still haven’t had fun outside of school together. It might not be until mid-April when that will happen. That’s just the gist of our relationship, which I can’t handle. The surprises will come for a while and then they might taper off. I might not be doing that though especially because I am in my last year and a half of being at home. I want to do everything that I can with Lauren while I am here. Should we make it to the time when I leave home and we are still together, that’s when the tough decision will come in. Can we make this work? Should we try to keep this going? Or should we end it right now? I don’t want to think about it but it is in the back of my mind. I had considered this fact when I asked Lauren. I decided that I would deal with it should it ever come up. Being a year ahead of her is going to be hard, especially if it lasts. All I know is that I have a girl that I love with me right now and that I’m not going anywhere. I’ll worry about the tough decisions when they decide to come.

Lauren, I know that you are now just being able to say “I love you” to me. I want to you to say that to me for as long as you feel that way. I am happy that you have opened your heart to me and have begun the process of letting me in. I know that you won’t regret a single minute of the time that we will be together, no matter how long it may be. I love you, baby and there isn’t a thing on this planet that I wouldn’t do for you. I love you too much right now to even begin to think about the future. All I know is that should that day come, I would ask you to be with me forever. I would accept nothing less. Lauren, I’ll love you til the day I die if it comes down to it. Love, Ryan