(no subject)

[bobcatchic009]

ok... part 2 of catch up. Dots being really worrying me a lot lately, and i know shes gonna read this, but i dont care...shes been really down in the dumps, i just read her latest entry and she has a lot on her mind... now I dont want you to tak this the wrong way D, but Im gonna be honest...I love this girl to death, coming to OU she and I have grown a great friendship, although she certianly has gotten on my nerves quite a bit, as im sure I have for her, shes a great girl to talk to, but I really dont know what to tell her. Shes so negative to herself, always complaining about stuff, putting down the mood, which im not trying to be mean D, but why I say that is to say that your not helping yourself get any happier if your constantly complaining and being so negative to yourself. I know theres a lot on her mind, I've been through a lot about what shes tlaking about, but then some i havent, and all i can really say to you girl is that you need to find something to get your mind off stuff, something that you can do everyday to release your thoughts adn worries, bc if your having panic attacks, we need to think up something fast... but your only a couple feet away so we can talk about this later, ok!? Next subject which has come recently is the little drama fiasco that I got into tonight with my best friend since 4th grade. I'm really tired of this stuff, I understand wheres shes coming from, but I hate drama and dont have the patience to deal with it. My friend lives out in Colorado, i recently visited her over break, which was great, i got to meet her whole life and the people and important things in it, which was really great since i hadnt been there in years, it was i think a rejuvinating mark for our relationship. I made a promise to her that I would call her more often, and try to kep in touch, which I havent at all since I came back to school. I did not do this in any way to hurt her, or that Ive forgotten her, theres just so much going on in my life right now! Im in my first ever relationship, schoolwork is piling up, im working, and im living in the moment, trying to keep at it, and tonight she bitched me out on myspace telling me how ive forgotten about her, that i dont care about her or our friendship. I will admit, I havent called her, i havent emailed her, and i havent thought about her at all, and im nto trying to sound mean here and like i dont care about her, i just havent!? i dont know why, im just in the moment and dont think! i guess that makes me the worst friend in the world right? and i actually feel really bad, that I am, and im sry. but this whole drama shes causing over it is bringing me down and i cant have it. I apologized to her, trying to explain my situation, but i dont think she understands...in CO she is working part time, trying to get into the studio to create music, socializing, playing gigs and snowboarding...it sounds like a lot but i think she has a lot of time on her hands which is why shes thinking so much about this. alot of her friend have gone off to college this year, while she stayed at home to pursue her music, shes very talented and will go somewhere, but right now i think shes stuck in a rut and missing her friends that have moved on dearly, and im the only real friend that she has had for so long that she can bitch to about. and ive listened, ive supported her decisions on everything 110%, but right now the pressure she is putting on me to call her, call her, call her or shes gonna get mad, or the "you dont care about me, you dont love me" stress i feel, is the last thing i need on my mind. im overwhelemed with stuff right now, and the person thats helping me stay happy is Kris...he makes me laugh, we joke, we snuggle, i love it. And if Kate cant understand where im coming from, what im going thru, and that im sorry but i really cant call you as much as yuo want me too, then i dont need this and maybe we should take a break or end this whole thing. Yea sure Sam, you cant take an hour outta your day to talk to her? I could, but this whole shit shes giving me, and the same record of emotions and stress shes made me listen to over and over, i cant do it. I dont want to do it.
ANYWAYS! happier note...im tired, its 7:03am and i would like to get some sleep before my wake up at 12pm...so goodnight all, thanks for reading!