(no subject)
i have no feelings, no reaction, no soul, no compassion. i keep asking myself not why did this happen to me. My family. but why have i not broken down and started crying, broken things, any form of releasing my emotions that never existed in the first place. I once cried because my great aunt died. i never "met" her, she could not even talk, eat, or function. but yet i still cried when i got the news. my great grandmother did not even express as much emotion as me. maybe thats why. have i wasted it? no. it must have been fake. what is wrong with me. the answer is simple. me. i am what is wrong with me. me is what is wrong with i. it doesnt take a psychologist to think logically yet she listens to their echos everytime. and him, the whole world is against him. his own offspring. bullshit i say. caring is not love, love is not caring, if they were the same then they would not be 2 different words. love is an excuse, a way to get out of it. caring is the hard way, as sad as it may be, it is material. dont tell me u love me. dont tell me u care about me. im not stupid, i can think for myself. im not brainwashed. i can see the truth. i have not betrayed u, nature has betrayed us all. not just me, o sorry, i mean you. i remember when i was happy. no, i mean happy. not the fakeness u see everyday, the happy i expressed on the beach, swimming as if a rip tide could never carry me away. but it did didnt it. it carried us all away. and now the result is me. stuck in the middle, stranded on an island with no emotion.