(no subject)
Wow I havent thought of this site in such a long time, but for some reason i did tonight. I'm thinking i might actually start this up again. Reading my old entries was fun and of course i have changed alot since then. One thing that hasnt changed is my ability to type the least i can but I'm gonna try working on that. I'm almost constantly feeling melancholy lately, especially when i think of her. We talked for such a long time and just when i thought things would change, they have gone pretty much back to what they were before. I'm not satisfied yet and I really wish i could finally rid myself of these feelings but I've tried and its just not possible right now. I really wish i was in the city right now, on those hardwood floors at bridge that changed my life last summer, riding the subway to Chelsea everynight to see the beautiful girls at Parson's and the Ailey program and walking around with E and Laura or jamming in the sweatbox at Fazil's. Things just get worse and worse here and I dont know if i can last another year. Of course i will but things need to change. She needs to change, my father needs to change, my whole situation is draining me day by day and without school to distract me i feel it more everyday. NY took all of those problems away last time and gave me something to look forward too and hope and faith in my future but I am all out of inspiration. I havent been practicing, I havent had a lesson in God knows how long and as much as i want to practice i just cant. I'll just sit there, looking at my case and hitting myself in the head for bieng so stupid. I'm tired of bieng independant. I never wanted to be and now as my mom goes farther and farther away, this constant longing makes itself more noticible in my head and its fucking everything up.