Cell Science is DONE
I just officially finished my first class of medical school: Cell Science. (Or at least I really hope I did! B/c if I failed, I have to remediate which means it's not really done and that's a horrifying throught.)
I have learned a tremendous amount thus far, of all sorts. We actually have gotten a good bit of clinical application in the past few weeks and I feel like that it what really kept me going. We have these MLM sessions (I think it stands for mechanism-based learning modules but I'm not positive about that) where clinical case scenarios are presented to us and the instructor basically asks PIMP (put in my place) questions of the class, picking us out one by one. I think most of my classmates approach MLMs with dread, not wanting to be called out and not knowing an answer. But I love them b/c it makes me remember that this is all worth something. And that the hell of studying biochem material that doesn't always seem all that relevant or useful actually starts to make more sense. So our final exam was a beast and left me with all kinds of uncertainty, but everyone else I've talked to since says the felt the same way, so I guess it's a crowded boat I'm in.
Next week we will start on the musculoskeletal system and begin gross anatomy lab. I'm pretty excited about this b/c I think one of my main mental associations of what it means to be a medical student involves dissecting a cadaver. We found out our tank groups (people who are assigned a body with us) last week, and I think I have a pretty good crew, so that's definitely another positive.
Life has changed dramatically and that continues to set in in new and different ways. I have never studied this much for anything, ever. I never really felt like I needed to. And what makes it all the worse is that I'm not aiming for As here - I'm not a gunner (though I think about 80% of my classmates are). I'm working this hard JUST TO PASS. I'm hoping eventually I'll fall into a better groove that allows me to back off a bit, but thus far I don't see it coming. Enjoyment of life is not really there right now. Free time basically means, I get to eat and watch the news simultaneously. Then it's right back to it. I don't even pee anymore without taking something into the bathroom with me to keep reading so I don't lose my focus.
I'm also finding it very hard to let go of who I was and rectify that with who I am supposed to be now. I feel very uncertain about the future in terms of what specialty I will pursue and where. I frequently hear that I don't need to worry about this now, but I find that to be untrue b/c every step of the next 4 years has to be very strategically aimed at getting you there from what elective rotations you do to how you spend your summers and down to which clubs you take part in. It feels simultaneously completely within my ability to control and completely outside of it.
We had Interviewing yesterday, where we basically had to demonstrate to our small group and our physician preceptor that we can effectively talk to someone and get out their chief complaint as well as any underlying issues. Everyone in my group was terrified of the process and as I always like to just get things out of the way, I volunteered to go first. I hadn't prepped at all (stuffing my brain full of Cell Science knowledge for the exam this morning seemed more important) so I was just winging it, talking to my patient (paid actor) like I would have talked to one of my old clients. As I overheard one of my group members saying to a few of her friends later in the day during Geriatrics lecture "Blair went first and like annihilated it, so we were all like how are we supposed to follow that?" I knew I'd done well before that and I took it as a compliment. I'd mentioned to someone earlier in the day that given what I used to do professionally, if someone is going to tell me that I don't know how to talk to a patient, I would lose my shit on them. I offered up some pointers to my group members about talking to people like they are your friend and you're legitimately interested in them which will make you not need to take notes on what they are saying. I also told them to stop trying to follow the assessment paper and hit all of their bullet points but instead just have a conversation and ask the things you would normally want to know and you will just naturally cover all those bases. It was a bit of a boost for me, b/c I finally didn't feel at a disadvantage to all these kids who were biochem majors and have masters degrees in biology disciplines. Maybe I'll never be tops in Cell Science, but I don't need to "learn" how to interact with patients.
I have a meeting in about half an hour about my duties as a first-year representative to the Texas Medical Association. I think I'm looking forward to my participation in this group more than any other mostly because of the weight they carry. It felt like a big deal to get elected b/c there were about 6 or 7 other students running for the spot. TMA carries a lot of weight both within the state of Texas and at the national level with the AMA, so I feel like there are some great opportunities for making really good connections and doing something impactful rather than it just being another student club.
I find myself thinking a lot about what my "normal" days would consist of and how they were basically anything but boring. There was always something new or cool and exciting worth telling about. I don't feel that way anymore. It's all just med school drudgery. I definitely think I need to do something to change that.
Many spanks,
BBC ;)
I have learned a tremendous amount thus far, of all sorts. We actually have gotten a good bit of clinical application in the past few weeks and I feel like that it what really kept me going. We have these MLM sessions (I think it stands for mechanism-based learning modules but I'm not positive about that) where clinical case scenarios are presented to us and the instructor basically asks PIMP (put in my place) questions of the class, picking us out one by one. I think most of my classmates approach MLMs with dread, not wanting to be called out and not knowing an answer. But I love them b/c it makes me remember that this is all worth something. And that the hell of studying biochem material that doesn't always seem all that relevant or useful actually starts to make more sense. So our final exam was a beast and left me with all kinds of uncertainty, but everyone else I've talked to since says the felt the same way, so I guess it's a crowded boat I'm in.
Next week we will start on the musculoskeletal system and begin gross anatomy lab. I'm pretty excited about this b/c I think one of my main mental associations of what it means to be a medical student involves dissecting a cadaver. We found out our tank groups (people who are assigned a body with us) last week, and I think I have a pretty good crew, so that's definitely another positive.
Life has changed dramatically and that continues to set in in new and different ways. I have never studied this much for anything, ever. I never really felt like I needed to. And what makes it all the worse is that I'm not aiming for As here - I'm not a gunner (though I think about 80% of my classmates are). I'm working this hard JUST TO PASS. I'm hoping eventually I'll fall into a better groove that allows me to back off a bit, but thus far I don't see it coming. Enjoyment of life is not really there right now. Free time basically means, I get to eat and watch the news simultaneously. Then it's right back to it. I don't even pee anymore without taking something into the bathroom with me to keep reading so I don't lose my focus.
I'm also finding it very hard to let go of who I was and rectify that with who I am supposed to be now. I feel very uncertain about the future in terms of what specialty I will pursue and where. I frequently hear that I don't need to worry about this now, but I find that to be untrue b/c every step of the next 4 years has to be very strategically aimed at getting you there from what elective rotations you do to how you spend your summers and down to which clubs you take part in. It feels simultaneously completely within my ability to control and completely outside of it.
We had Interviewing yesterday, where we basically had to demonstrate to our small group and our physician preceptor that we can effectively talk to someone and get out their chief complaint as well as any underlying issues. Everyone in my group was terrified of the process and as I always like to just get things out of the way, I volunteered to go first. I hadn't prepped at all (stuffing my brain full of Cell Science knowledge for the exam this morning seemed more important) so I was just winging it, talking to my patient (paid actor) like I would have talked to one of my old clients. As I overheard one of my group members saying to a few of her friends later in the day during Geriatrics lecture "Blair went first and like annihilated it, so we were all like how are we supposed to follow that?" I knew I'd done well before that and I took it as a compliment. I'd mentioned to someone earlier in the day that given what I used to do professionally, if someone is going to tell me that I don't know how to talk to a patient, I would lose my shit on them. I offered up some pointers to my group members about talking to people like they are your friend and you're legitimately interested in them which will make you not need to take notes on what they are saying. I also told them to stop trying to follow the assessment paper and hit all of their bullet points but instead just have a conversation and ask the things you would normally want to know and you will just naturally cover all those bases. It was a bit of a boost for me, b/c I finally didn't feel at a disadvantage to all these kids who were biochem majors and have masters degrees in biology disciplines. Maybe I'll never be tops in Cell Science, but I don't need to "learn" how to interact with patients.
I have a meeting in about half an hour about my duties as a first-year representative to the Texas Medical Association. I think I'm looking forward to my participation in this group more than any other mostly because of the weight they carry. It felt like a big deal to get elected b/c there were about 6 or 7 other students running for the spot. TMA carries a lot of weight both within the state of Texas and at the national level with the AMA, so I feel like there are some great opportunities for making really good connections and doing something impactful rather than it just being another student club.
I find myself thinking a lot about what my "normal" days would consist of and how they were basically anything but boring. There was always something new or cool and exciting worth telling about. I don't feel that way anymore. It's all just med school drudgery. I definitely think I need to do something to change that.
Many spanks,
BBC ;)