Journal Entry
Writing anything seems so difficult this month. My mind is pretty empty right now and most of the few thouhts i do have are negative or nasty. I hope that the emptiness is a good and productive thing, but it doesn't feel like it.
Well my hearing aids are working fine and my ears are cleaned out, but my basic hearing has deteriorated further (farther?) than two years ago. I think my vision is deteriorating also, despite successfully holding at bay the macular degeneration. I begin to wornder if i am too tired and undisciplined to be of further use. (Don't worry, this is not a suicide note, i would never do that.)
It is nice however, to be able to hear well again what is being said in rooms full of people and distractions.
I still think i could push back against old age with a better attitude, exercise, and stronger inner purpose.
I still fear that spiritual search might be an autistic obsession which will disappear as easity as it came.
Easy come, easy go, they say. If you fall in love, you can fall out of it. Love, it is said, is the first and greatest commandment; and i need to inscribe that on my forehead or someplace where i will notice it regularly.
................................................
I think i will skip EA tonight, though i feel i am letting N. down by doing so. I want to watch the beginning of the PBS special on the Greeks.
I feel commited to Thursday night Al Anon, Wednesday afternoons at the shelter, posting on daily_tao (for the next 130 days) and Saturday evening Mass. Other commitments i will add slowly and judiciously. I still want to check out the local Zen Buddhist sangha, and the U-U church. I might commit to EA as well, but not this week.
...............................
I've been subsisting for the past month on sandwiches, soups, and TV dinners. Tonight i will cook a pork chop, and mashed potato, gravy, and a vegetable, Yum.
Peace, loving kindness, compassion, and joy to (and from) everyone.
Well my hearing aids are working fine and my ears are cleaned out, but my basic hearing has deteriorated further (farther?) than two years ago. I think my vision is deteriorating also, despite successfully holding at bay the macular degeneration. I begin to wornder if i am too tired and undisciplined to be of further use. (Don't worry, this is not a suicide note, i would never do that.)
It is nice however, to be able to hear well again what is being said in rooms full of people and distractions.
I still think i could push back against old age with a better attitude, exercise, and stronger inner purpose.
I still fear that spiritual search might be an autistic obsession which will disappear as easity as it came.
Easy come, easy go, they say. If you fall in love, you can fall out of it. Love, it is said, is the first and greatest commandment; and i need to inscribe that on my forehead or someplace where i will notice it regularly.
................................................
I think i will skip EA tonight, though i feel i am letting N. down by doing so. I want to watch the beginning of the PBS special on the Greeks.
I feel commited to Thursday night Al Anon, Wednesday afternoons at the shelter, posting on daily_tao (for the next 130 days) and Saturday evening Mass. Other commitments i will add slowly and judiciously. I still want to check out the local Zen Buddhist sangha, and the U-U church. I might commit to EA as well, but not this week.
...............................
I've been subsisting for the past month on sandwiches, soups, and TV dinners. Tonight i will cook a pork chop, and mashed potato, gravy, and a vegetable, Yum.
Peace, loving kindness, compassion, and joy to (and from) everyone.