Hitting Bottom
"Blessed are the poor in spirit; for their's is the kingdom of heaven." Mattjew 5::3
I did not drink alcohol. At about age 40 i was (mis)diagnosed for type II diabetes; and i wanted to avoid insulin by treating this illness by diet. No sugar, and alcohol converts to sugar in the human body. So i have been a teetotaler for over 40 years. But before my diagnosis i sometimes drank, i sometimes drank to escess and i sometimes drank myself nearly into injury, job loss, or jail.
There is now a theory that alcholism can be cured by professional treatment. One highly advertized treatment center includes the phrase: "I was an alcoholic for ten years, now I'm not." and says (proudly, almost arrogantly), "This is not a 12-step program." Well, maybe the professionals have it figured out, i don't know. I wouldn't count on it.
AA says that alcoholism is a physical disease with a spiritual remedy, and i have known many people for whom that theory seems to work when regularly and rigorously practices. AA also says that drinking is only a symptom of alcoholism, while one must stop drinking to stay sober, not drinking is insufficient. Alcoholics engage in "stinking thinking" a combination of egotism, pessimism, and irresponsibility that resembles borderline personaliity disorder. One can stop drinking forever and never be "sober." One can be a "dry drunk."
Since we live in a world that is confusing and difficult, full of unsatisfiable desires and unavoidable pain, i am in danger of being a "dry drunk" if i do not have some kind of spiritual purpose at the center of my life.
When i could not relax or meditate yesterday i started to reread a book describing the interface between AA and Buddhism.* I intended to skip Laura S.' personal story, but i didn't. Laura S attended her first AA meeting at age 30 after several suicide attempts, the last resulting in clinical death, resucitation. and electroconvulsive "therapy" which left her with permanent brain damage. She had lost her health, her partner, her job, her home, her self respect. She hated going to AA but there was nothing else to do but drink herself dead. She had "hit bottom" (and bounced three or four times) there was no where to go but up.
Moving away from alcoholism (i might not be an alcoholic) there are many ways of "hitting bottom." John of the Cross hit bottom when he was imprisoned by his fellow monks. The brutal treatment he recieved at their hands nearly killed him, and he knew he could only survive by escaping. (And he still died young (age 49) as a result of that experience) but it was in that prison that his poetry and spiritual insight blossomed.
Some people have very "high bottoms" Siddhartha caught a brief glimpse one day of illness, old age, and death which resulted in a twelve year quest and a 40 year teaching career of what we call Buddhism.
And some people never have to hit bottom. Many Hindu and some Christian saints seemed destined for Sainthood almost from birth. One of the greatest Hindu spiritual leaders died at age 21**, and others began their mystical experiences in early childhood.
I have begun to think that i am one of those people who have to hit bottom, but i haven't. If i ever thought that i had reached the end of my rope it was because my rope was too damned short or flimsy. I have never allowed myself to suffer the way some people have suffered. So it is too easy for me to slip back into "Stinin' thinkin'" and expressing the exact qualities i dislike in others. I've not that many years left to take 9 steps backward for every ten forward.
I'm not sure what the writer of Matthew meant by "poor in spirit," (or that Jesus ever used that phrase). Clearly being "poor in spirit" is a good thing. One must be poor to be poor in spirit but that is not enough, just as one must not drink to avoid relapse into active alcoholism, but that is not enough. I must avoid "stinkin' thinkin' and the behavior that follows it
* 12 Steps on Buddha's Path: Bill, Buddha, and We - A Spiritual Journey of Recovery, by Laura S., 2006, Wisdom Publications.
** Jnanadev (1276-1297)
I did not drink alcohol. At about age 40 i was (mis)diagnosed for type II diabetes; and i wanted to avoid insulin by treating this illness by diet. No sugar, and alcohol converts to sugar in the human body. So i have been a teetotaler for over 40 years. But before my diagnosis i sometimes drank, i sometimes drank to escess and i sometimes drank myself nearly into injury, job loss, or jail.
There is now a theory that alcholism can be cured by professional treatment. One highly advertized treatment center includes the phrase: "I was an alcoholic for ten years, now I'm not." and says (proudly, almost arrogantly), "This is not a 12-step program." Well, maybe the professionals have it figured out, i don't know. I wouldn't count on it.
AA says that alcoholism is a physical disease with a spiritual remedy, and i have known many people for whom that theory seems to work when regularly and rigorously practices. AA also says that drinking is only a symptom of alcoholism, while one must stop drinking to stay sober, not drinking is insufficient. Alcoholics engage in "stinking thinking" a combination of egotism, pessimism, and irresponsibility that resembles borderline personaliity disorder. One can stop drinking forever and never be "sober." One can be a "dry drunk."
Since we live in a world that is confusing and difficult, full of unsatisfiable desires and unavoidable pain, i am in danger of being a "dry drunk" if i do not have some kind of spiritual purpose at the center of my life.
When i could not relax or meditate yesterday i started to reread a book describing the interface between AA and Buddhism.* I intended to skip Laura S.' personal story, but i didn't. Laura S attended her first AA meeting at age 30 after several suicide attempts, the last resulting in clinical death, resucitation. and electroconvulsive "therapy" which left her with permanent brain damage. She had lost her health, her partner, her job, her home, her self respect. She hated going to AA but there was nothing else to do but drink herself dead. She had "hit bottom" (and bounced three or four times) there was no where to go but up.
Moving away from alcoholism (i might not be an alcoholic) there are many ways of "hitting bottom." John of the Cross hit bottom when he was imprisoned by his fellow monks. The brutal treatment he recieved at their hands nearly killed him, and he knew he could only survive by escaping. (And he still died young (age 49) as a result of that experience) but it was in that prison that his poetry and spiritual insight blossomed.
Some people have very "high bottoms" Siddhartha caught a brief glimpse one day of illness, old age, and death which resulted in a twelve year quest and a 40 year teaching career of what we call Buddhism.
And some people never have to hit bottom. Many Hindu and some Christian saints seemed destined for Sainthood almost from birth. One of the greatest Hindu spiritual leaders died at age 21**, and others began their mystical experiences in early childhood.
I have begun to think that i am one of those people who have to hit bottom, but i haven't. If i ever thought that i had reached the end of my rope it was because my rope was too damned short or flimsy. I have never allowed myself to suffer the way some people have suffered. So it is too easy for me to slip back into "Stinin' thinkin'" and expressing the exact qualities i dislike in others. I've not that many years left to take 9 steps backward for every ten forward.
I'm not sure what the writer of Matthew meant by "poor in spirit," (or that Jesus ever used that phrase). Clearly being "poor in spirit" is a good thing. One must be poor to be poor in spirit but that is not enough, just as one must not drink to avoid relapse into active alcoholism, but that is not enough. I must avoid "stinkin' thinkin' and the behavior that follows it
* 12 Steps on Buddha's Path: Bill, Buddha, and We - A Spiritual Journey of Recovery, by Laura S., 2006, Wisdom Publications.
** Jnanadev (1276-1297)