Clarity Of Mind, Clarification Of Thought
A koan given to the right person at the right time has produced instant enlightenment. This has never happened to me, and likely never will, after all, doubt is my default attitude, so doubt inducing statements are somewhat wasted on me.
The question that was thrown at us today came close to being a perfect koan. The questioner was not a Zen master, but a home health nurse. The question was: Have you considered hospice?
First, it was a question i had never asked myself nor one i had ever imagined being asked. Second, my connotative references for the word "hospice" are about 20 years out of date. Both Dianne and i hesitated to answer, perhaps we were both stunned. The nurse went on to explain that the concept of hospice had changed, it was no longer necessarily about impending death. In contrast to Home Health which works toward habilitation, strength , and mobility in the short term, Hospice emphasizes stability and comfort in the long term. So the real question was: Do we want to get better or stay comfortable? We both answered the question at the same time in the same way. We want Dianne to get better.
But the question has stuck with me: "Have i considered staying comfortable?" Would i rather get comfortable than get better. Maybe it is because i am autistic, but discomfort is characteristic of my reaction to life. Everything that others seemed to enjoy or take in stride caused me fear or pain. I was happiest when by myself, without responsibility. Did i want comfort or health? Oh, comfort, please, by all means. Yet looking back, i see that i often confronted fears, took risks, reached out. These experiences were the life marks, the chapter headings: "I go to school," "i get a job," i get married, i have a child, etc. I must get comfortable with my discomfort.
*A kōan (公案?)/ˈkoʊ.ɑːn/; Chinese: 公案; pinyin: gōng'àn; Korean: 공안 (kong'an); Vietnamese: công án) is a story, dialogue, question, or statement, which is used in Zen-practice to provoke the "great doubt", and test a student's progress in Zen practice.
Kōan - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia