Daily Journaling
In the four and three fourths years since i began this journal, i have posted 1855 times, a little more than one post per day. Many times what i posted were not my own thoughts or words; for example i have posted over 430 poems, almost all of them written by other people. And though i have posted twelve times in a single day, i have gone a week or more without posting anything. Still, it is rather a shock to discover that i have been so faithful to the project of keeping this journal, though i have been less than true to its original, spiritual purpose.
I have sometimes posted, always with some hesitation, about my feelings and my family. Here is an area that i have difficulty understanding. It is a function of my condition that i find personal experience, either my own or others, rather boring. I live by preference and, perhaps, necessity in a world of ideas. Ideas frighten me far less than people do, and i will entertain almost any idea while remaining a terrible host. Therefore, i am surprised that i got so many comments when i write about "life" and so few when i write about ideas. My own tendency is just the opposite. Yet i place much value on empathy and compassion and wish that i could be more comfortable responding to the real life experiences of others when they choose to share them with me.
I also wonder if i share this journal in order to feed my ego. My efforts to keep a private paper and pen journal have lasted for a week or less. The only exception was preparing AA type "fourth steps" where i did intend to share the results with God and one other human being. On the other hand, the very act of using the word processing function of a computer has been an extremely freeing experience which allows me to express ideas in a way that longhand writing never did. Once the thoughts get flowing, i think much faster than i write.
I think i need the discipline of a writing schedule. I write when i feel like it and don't when i don't. Sometimes i spend hours on the computer, as though i was preparing an essay for publication. I need to set a time and restrict myself to that time, to just sit down and start typing and see what emerges. This took about thirty minutes to write. That seems like a reasonable effort I wrote from 4:30pm to 5:00 pm, possibly a good time on most days. Let's see how it goes.