Murder, Mystery, Page 7
Reuben could have killed Elizabeth! This was not our idea. we could never have thought such a thing. This was not Esther thinking. This was Reuben thinking: I could have killed Elizabeth. Reuben did not think he had actually killed Elizabeth, but he knew he was capable of murder and there were parts of days and parts of weeks that he could not remember. It was as though his mind had left his body to be possessed by some other force--a force capable of imitating him..
Reuben was a member of the Community. He was about Esther's age. a close friend of Esther and Elizabeth and Joseph. Together with Esther, he was the only young person who tried to keep the original teachings pure.
Members of the Community often went to Mount Merow, the area near the massacre, to pray. This included women and it included people who had left the Community and those who stood at the edge of leaving, like Elizabeth. There was a story being told among another group that claimed to follow the teacher, one of those groups being called "Christian," that the teacher had begun his career with a forty day retreat in "the wilderness" near Mount Mero. Other Galileans also used the area for solitude and prayer; and, though they usually went singly, it was not unheard of that men would go in groups. Many voices joined in prayer might more easily reach God's ear and many ears might better receive God's voice. The thirteen slain men (their bodies having been finally counted and, as nearly as possible, properly buried). had no doubt been praying. The rulers knew this was a place of prayer and they usually did not follow people there.
Maybe they had finally begun to realize that the God of the Jews was a god of power and might?
We in the community no longer thought much in those terms. The teacher had emphasized love and deemphasized power.
But thoughts of power and vengeance were starting to come back into the Community.
Reuben knew he could have killed Elizabeth because there were blank spaces in the day she was slain.
He could have killed her because anybody could kill, anybody except the teacher, maybe
He could have killed her because he knew he had no conscience.
Without a conscience proper behavior could only be maintained by fear.
Reuben also was fearless.
He could have killed Elizabeth because he wanted her and she did not want him.
But he did very much want to want to help.
We in the Community no longer thought much in those terms; the teacher had emphasized love and ignored power.