Week 8 -- Rotting Fish Somewhere in the Miami Harbor.
Can the Dolphins really be that bad? Yes. They are set up to make a run at being one of the worst teams in the history of the NFL. Take into consideration they were poised to finish last in the AFC East to begin with. Their defense has lost it's edge. They had a washed up quarterback who got his job taken by a career second stringer in Kansas City. Their O-line make sponges look like bricks. But at least they could've challenged the likes of Buffalo for 3rd place. But then you throw into consideration that the Miami injured-reserve looks like the waiting room of the Miami-Dade General Hospital OR. Their one bright spot, running back Ronnie Brown, has joined that list. With a backup quarterback, Cleo Lemon, who looks like the second coming of Jaime Martin, and a rookie coach who has never coached in the NFL before this year, you seriously have to consider that this team is seriously on pace for the first 0-16 season since the Tampa Bay Buccaneers inagural season. Let's take a look at their remaining schedule:
New York Giants - With the way the Giants' defense is playing, absolutely no shot.
BYE
Buffalo - Potentially the biggest chance they have to avoid a winless season. Still, Trent Edwards is making a name for himself, and I trust him a lot more than Cleo. Miami would've had the advantage at running back, but since Brown is gone, Mashawn Lynch will run rampant.
@Philadelphia - Don't worry, McNabb. When Miami comes to town, they'll fill you with false hope that you're still good again.
@Pittsburgh - No chance.
New York Jets - Another small chance. But I have a feeling by this point, the Jets will have Kellen Clemens lining up for them. And that shot of youth will propel them.
@Buffalo - Winter will be in full swing in northern New York. The team from sunny Miami has no shot at winning in the cold, even against the hapless Bills.
Baltimore - Their defense may be overrated, but it still packs a wallop for teams with less than stellar o-lines and with struggling QBs. Lucky for the Ravens, Miami has both.
@New England - This game will probably be a record for the biggest spread in gambling history. Does a 35 point spread sound absurd? And I still bet no one bets against the spread.
Cincinnati - DING DING DING DING! We have a winner! Think I'm crazy? Well, consider that a team who is 0-15 going into the last week of the season is going to play their heart out to avoid getting shut out for the season. Miami is at home. Cincy has been a world of disappointment. Who knows if Carson Palmer is going to play this game with nothing on the line, or if he's even healthy at this time. And Cam Cameron HAS to have pulled the plug on Cleo Lemon by this point and gone with John Beck. So they'll have the shot of youth to push this team to their sole win of the year.
Still, even at 1-15, you'd have to consider this to be one of the most putrid teams ever. ... Now let's look at the week.
Seeing that it's 10 minutes to kickoff, there'll be no Madden interpretation. Not like there were that many big matchups this week anyway...
Cleveland at St. Louis
Derek Anderson is stepping it up and giving fans something to cheer about in the Dawg Pound.
If there's one IR list that looks more like a hospital ward than Miami, it's St. Louis. Paging Dr. Bendova.
27 - 13, Browns
Detroit at Chicago
Jon Kitna is falling back to earth a bit. But it's not affecting the team's play.
Chicago is coming out of it's funk. But is it too little too late?
This one will be the biggest game of the week. Say what you will, the Bears are undeniably tough to beat at Soldier. I think it's just by the home field advantage that they scrape out a victory and climb back into the NFC North race.
24 - 21, Bears
Indianapolis at Carolina
What post Super Bowl funk? Peyton and co. look nigh unstoppable.
Carolina looks to ride the ageless Vinny to fight out an NFC South title.
It will be hard fought, and I think the Colts COULD lose to them. But I look at Peyton vs. Vinny, and just laugh. Could they lose? Yes. Will they? Definitely not.
35 - 28, Colts
NY Giants vs. Miami (Wembeley Stadium, London England)
New York is opening eyes with Eli's consistency and persistence, and that defense is back from the dead.
The Dolpins ... ... ... (insert laugh track here). They're a punchline without a set up!
It'd be very easy for the G-men to laugh off the team. But they said they were aware of the possibility of upset, and geared to keep their mindset that Miami was capable of it. Capable or not, there's no way the Giants lose this one in front of the Britons.
24 - 14, Giants
Oakland at Tennessee
The Raiders are hit-or-miss lately. Though that's a step up from last year when they were all miss-no hit.
Vince Young comes back. It'll be interesting to see how he responds against the impressive Oakland D.
31 - 21, Titans
Philadelphia at Minnesota
The Eagles are a mess. Will McNabb ever be himself again?
The Vikes hung tough against the Cowboys last week. If Tarvaris Jackson can get anything going, this could be a dangerous spoiler team.
I'm calling the upset. In the Metrodome, a questionable McNabb, a defense coming into their own. The Vikes take the upset.
21 - 17, Vikings
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
The Steelers look to respond after a crushing defeat by the Broncos.
The Bengals are on a downslide.
Pittsburgh owns the Bengals just like day owns the night every sunrise.
33 - 28, Steelers
Buffalo at NY Jets
Trent Edwards is in for the Bills.
How long is it until Kellen Clemens is in for the Jets?
Both teams are playing for next year.
28 - 24, Jets
Houston at San Diego
The Texans are being reminded that they are the Texans. No Matt Schaub will bring them back to Earth.
The Chargers are also back to Earth.. the Earth where they dominate.
It'll be closer than expected, with Houston's improved defense. If they can contain LT, they have a shot. But that's a big if.
35 - 33, Chargers
Jacksonville at Tampa Bay
Jacksonville has the wherewithal to go far. But they ran into a buzzsaw known as the Colts.
The Bucs looked promising until getting drilled by the Lions.
These two teams are remarkably similar. The loss of David Garrard will be the downfall though.
28 - 17, Bucs
New Orleans at San Francisco
The Saints are catching their stride. They don't look elite yet, and it'll be a big dogpile for the NFC South.
The 9ers are making those many analysts who called them the class of the NFC West look like fools.
San Fran still has a lot of improving to do. The Saints may have overachieved last year, but they're still a good team.
28 - 10, Saints
Washington at New England
The Skins look good. Jason Campbell is making a name for himself.
Goddammit, I hate the Pats.
This one will be closer than people expect. And by close, I mean within 10 points.
35 - 24, Pats
MONDAY NIGHT:
Green Bay at Denver
The Pack look like they're back to form. Does Favre have the cahonies to keep it going all year?
The Broncos looked good last year. They're still alive and kicking in that AFC West.
This will be a good game. The Broncos hinge on Jay Cutler's performance. Both defenses are solid. As for a prediction, I just cannot pick against Favre on Monday Night. The guy is stellar on Mondays.
35 - 30, Packers
New York Giants - With the way the Giants' defense is playing, absolutely no shot.
BYE
Buffalo - Potentially the biggest chance they have to avoid a winless season. Still, Trent Edwards is making a name for himself, and I trust him a lot more than Cleo. Miami would've had the advantage at running back, but since Brown is gone, Mashawn Lynch will run rampant.
@Philadelphia - Don't worry, McNabb. When Miami comes to town, they'll fill you with false hope that you're still good again.
@Pittsburgh - No chance.
New York Jets - Another small chance. But I have a feeling by this point, the Jets will have Kellen Clemens lining up for them. And that shot of youth will propel them.
@Buffalo - Winter will be in full swing in northern New York. The team from sunny Miami has no shot at winning in the cold, even against the hapless Bills.
Baltimore - Their defense may be overrated, but it still packs a wallop for teams with less than stellar o-lines and with struggling QBs. Lucky for the Ravens, Miami has both.
@New England - This game will probably be a record for the biggest spread in gambling history. Does a 35 point spread sound absurd? And I still bet no one bets against the spread.
Cincinnati - DING DING DING DING! We have a winner! Think I'm crazy? Well, consider that a team who is 0-15 going into the last week of the season is going to play their heart out to avoid getting shut out for the season. Miami is at home. Cincy has been a world of disappointment. Who knows if Carson Palmer is going to play this game with nothing on the line, or if he's even healthy at this time. And Cam Cameron HAS to have pulled the plug on Cleo Lemon by this point and gone with John Beck. So they'll have the shot of youth to push this team to their sole win of the year.
Still, even at 1-15, you'd have to consider this to be one of the most putrid teams ever. ... Now let's look at the week.
Seeing that it's 10 minutes to kickoff, there'll be no Madden interpretation. Not like there were that many big matchups this week anyway...
Cleveland at St. Louis
Derek Anderson is stepping it up and giving fans something to cheer about in the Dawg Pound.
If there's one IR list that looks more like a hospital ward than Miami, it's St. Louis. Paging Dr. Bendova.
27 - 13, Browns
Detroit at Chicago
Jon Kitna is falling back to earth a bit. But it's not affecting the team's play.
Chicago is coming out of it's funk. But is it too little too late?
This one will be the biggest game of the week. Say what you will, the Bears are undeniably tough to beat at Soldier. I think it's just by the home field advantage that they scrape out a victory and climb back into the NFC North race.
24 - 21, Bears
Indianapolis at Carolina
What post Super Bowl funk? Peyton and co. look nigh unstoppable.
Carolina looks to ride the ageless Vinny to fight out an NFC South title.
It will be hard fought, and I think the Colts COULD lose to them. But I look at Peyton vs. Vinny, and just laugh. Could they lose? Yes. Will they? Definitely not.
35 - 28, Colts
NY Giants vs. Miami (Wembeley Stadium, London England)
New York is opening eyes with Eli's consistency and persistence, and that defense is back from the dead.
The Dolpins ... ... ... (insert laugh track here). They're a punchline without a set up!
It'd be very easy for the G-men to laugh off the team. But they said they were aware of the possibility of upset, and geared to keep their mindset that Miami was capable of it. Capable or not, there's no way the Giants lose this one in front of the Britons.
24 - 14, Giants
Oakland at Tennessee
The Raiders are hit-or-miss lately. Though that's a step up from last year when they were all miss-no hit.
Vince Young comes back. It'll be interesting to see how he responds against the impressive Oakland D.
31 - 21, Titans
Philadelphia at Minnesota
The Eagles are a mess. Will McNabb ever be himself again?
The Vikes hung tough against the Cowboys last week. If Tarvaris Jackson can get anything going, this could be a dangerous spoiler team.
I'm calling the upset. In the Metrodome, a questionable McNabb, a defense coming into their own. The Vikes take the upset.
21 - 17, Vikings
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati
The Steelers look to respond after a crushing defeat by the Broncos.
The Bengals are on a downslide.
Pittsburgh owns the Bengals just like day owns the night every sunrise.
33 - 28, Steelers
Buffalo at NY Jets
Trent Edwards is in for the Bills.
How long is it until Kellen Clemens is in for the Jets?
Both teams are playing for next year.
28 - 24, Jets
Houston at San Diego
The Texans are being reminded that they are the Texans. No Matt Schaub will bring them back to Earth.
The Chargers are also back to Earth.. the Earth where they dominate.
It'll be closer than expected, with Houston's improved defense. If they can contain LT, they have a shot. But that's a big if.
35 - 33, Chargers
Jacksonville at Tampa Bay
Jacksonville has the wherewithal to go far. But they ran into a buzzsaw known as the Colts.
The Bucs looked promising until getting drilled by the Lions.
These two teams are remarkably similar. The loss of David Garrard will be the downfall though.
28 - 17, Bucs
New Orleans at San Francisco
The Saints are catching their stride. They don't look elite yet, and it'll be a big dogpile for the NFC South.
The 9ers are making those many analysts who called them the class of the NFC West look like fools.
San Fran still has a lot of improving to do. The Saints may have overachieved last year, but they're still a good team.
28 - 10, Saints
Washington at New England
The Skins look good. Jason Campbell is making a name for himself.
Goddammit, I hate the Pats.
This one will be closer than people expect. And by close, I mean within 10 points.
35 - 24, Pats
MONDAY NIGHT:
Green Bay at Denver
The Pack look like they're back to form. Does Favre have the cahonies to keep it going all year?
The Broncos looked good last year. They're still alive and kicking in that AFC West.
This will be a good game. The Broncos hinge on Jay Cutler's performance. Both defenses are solid. As for a prediction, I just cannot pick against Favre on Monday Night. The guy is stellar on Mondays.
35 - 30, Packers