Right, Wrong, or Just Pissed Off?
If you've noticed a lack of Bobbo Rants lately, you're not the only one. Is it because I've become mild and my annoyance factor has been raised? Hardly. It's just hard to focus on a certain topic and just drill it anymore because there is just SO much of it. I have a handful of topics I've been meaning to blast, but just never had enough ready material to fill up an entire post for a quality rant. So I've compiled these mini-rants into one post so as to still give you my negative thoughts on these plagues on society.
High School Musical
If you stepped foot in any retail store within the last 3 or so months, you've undoubtedly seen this:
How could you miss it? It's plastered on EVERYTHING! Talk about beating a dead horse. The merchandising of this where the hell did this come from, made-for-TV Walt Disney puke bucket seriously has to rival the likes of Spider Man and Harry Potter. Backpacks and 9 different compilations and dolls and all this damn hullabaloo. It literally is a frenzy. When was the last time a made-for-TV movie was this celebrated? Seriously, I can't think of one.
It's amazing how 6 nothing actors can piece together a retarded TV musical and sweep away a nation. The kids just go nuts for them. Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay, and the other three that no one cares about. And it just goes-- wait... Sharpay? The hell kind of name is that? I thought that was just a marker. Why didn't they just name her Crayola or some shit like that if they were going down that road. ANYWAY, I write this rant having not seen this abomination. Had I decided to make a full-fledged rant of this, I would have to take it upon myself to do so so I knew what I was talking about. But there was no way in hell that was going to happen. Rant be damned, I can't bring myself to watch it. My evasion of watching it is amazing considering I have a young sister and a girlfriend both equally obsessed with it.
With this show's massive success, plus the releases of such films as The Producers and more recently Hairspray and Across the Universe, there are some hapless dopes known as "movie experts" who say that movie musicals or on a comeback. Someone put a bullet in my face so I don't have to endure that kind of torture. I already find the irony in the fact that they made a musical about being in a musical quite retarded. Can we not push the envelope please? I know Hollywood is rapidly running out of original ideas, but can we please restrain these people from snatching Broadway plays and obscure dumbasseries such as all things musical away from the movie theater?
Who can you thank for such a monstrosity that High School Musical is? None other than the Disney Channel. The same barf factory that's given us such thrills as Lizzie MacGuire and Johnny Tsunami. And as if on cue, the so called singers get a record contract thrown at them. It's smart really. Hell, if I were a music exec, I would too. Millions of junior high kids everywhere would buy their CDs. However, since I am a consumer of music and not a corporate proprietor, I of course find this move to be sacrilegious. Ashley Tisdale was the first, then Cordin Bleu then... ...wait. Cordin Bleu? The hell kind of name is that?! I wonder how many times he's had his name referenced to a famous French chicken recipe. Disney loves to give the music world useless singers with phony talent. Hey, while we're on the subject...
[EDIT: So I guess his name is actually Corbin Bleu. Chicken Cordon Bleu reference is still in tact, though]
Hannah Montana
Hilary Duff outgrew her Lizzie MacGuire character and broke away from Disney (and the fact that she's still afloat is amazing. Well.. maybe not that amazing, but still). So to replace her, they throw yet another young blonde kid who can barely hold a tune at us. And it's along the same exact line. First it started with her own TV show. Then a movie or two. And now they gave her a record contract to feast on the dollars from 10 year olds' piggy banks. It should be a crime.
And as much merchandising that High School Musical is getting, Hannah is getting nearly as much. Fucking Hannah Montana alarm clock. That's just beyond sad. I almost bought it just so I can hit it with a hammer. While that would certainly relieve some stress, I would only get angry at the fact I just wasted 10 bucks, and angrier still that my 10 bucks just went to pay the big guns at Disney, which in turn would lead them to churn out more Lizzie MacGuire/Hannah Montana spin offs. Which will only cause my head to explode into a bloody and brainy mess.
Here's the real point of aggravation though. Hannah Montana is played by some shrimp named Miley Cyrus. Miley is the daughter of a man named Billy Ray Cyrus. She's the Achy Breaky Daughter. And with her recent success, Dad has tried to bank off that success by coming back to the music biz and release a new album. So basically, we can exponentially blame Disney for the reason why Billy Ray Cyrus has become remotely relevant again (not that he was ever relevant to begin with). Damn you, Disney. Damn you all to Hell!
"Big Girls Don't Cry"
I hate you, Fergie. God can't even measure my depth of hatred for this woman. She looks like somebody hit her in the face with a sack of doorknobs. I've already well stated that she probably has the absolute worst voice of any woman ever given a recording contract short of Cyndi Lauper. And with such timeless classics as "London Bridge" and "Fergalicious" in her past, she moves on to this weepy shmoozfest about how you have to grow up... or at least that's what I think it's supposed to be about. Because all I hear is "Blah blah blah, whine whine whine, monkey noises, I pissed myself on stage with the Black Eyed Peas" (yes, you think the world has forgotten, but you would be wrong. HAH!) I find it ironic that though the title of the song is "Big Girls Dont' Cry", this is the biggest whine-fest I've ever heard. Big girls may not cry, but I guarantee you EVERYONE--big or small--will weep in pain over this trash.
And from this phenomenal piece of shit, we have a nominee for the worst lyric of all time. And it comes from the gag me with a chainsaw chorus:
"When I'm gone, I miss you like a child misses their blanket"
Everytime I hear that, I want to step on a kitten. That's how angry I am. That one line is enough for me to crush a baby kitty. That sounds monstrous, but blame Fergie. That line is single-handedly the most pathetic attempt at expressing romantic absence since the 90s hit "I miss you like the deserts miss the rain". It gives me a headache just thinking about it. I just want to take a Q-tip and crush my eardrums with it, seeing as that would put me in less pain.
Congratulations, Fergie. I've never had two songs from the same artist piss me off to the point of a rant and a half like you have (recall London Bridge. KUDOS FOR THAT AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
High School Musical
If you stepped foot in any retail store within the last 3 or so months, you've undoubtedly seen this:
How could you miss it? It's plastered on EVERYTHING! Talk about beating a dead horse. The merchandising of this where the hell did this come from, made-for-TV Walt Disney puke bucket seriously has to rival the likes of Spider Man and Harry Potter. Backpacks and 9 different compilations and dolls and all this damn hullabaloo. It literally is a frenzy. When was the last time a made-for-TV movie was this celebrated? Seriously, I can't think of one.
It's amazing how 6 nothing actors can piece together a retarded TV musical and sweep away a nation. The kids just go nuts for them. Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay, and the other three that no one cares about. And it just goes-- wait... Sharpay? The hell kind of name is that? I thought that was just a marker. Why didn't they just name her Crayola or some shit like that if they were going down that road. ANYWAY, I write this rant having not seen this abomination. Had I decided to make a full-fledged rant of this, I would have to take it upon myself to do so so I knew what I was talking about. But there was no way in hell that was going to happen. Rant be damned, I can't bring myself to watch it. My evasion of watching it is amazing considering I have a young sister and a girlfriend both equally obsessed with it.
With this show's massive success, plus the releases of such films as The Producers and more recently Hairspray and Across the Universe, there are some hapless dopes known as "movie experts" who say that movie musicals or on a comeback. Someone put a bullet in my face so I don't have to endure that kind of torture. I already find the irony in the fact that they made a musical about being in a musical quite retarded. Can we not push the envelope please? I know Hollywood is rapidly running out of original ideas, but can we please restrain these people from snatching Broadway plays and obscure dumbasseries such as all things musical away from the movie theater?
Who can you thank for such a monstrosity that High School Musical is? None other than the Disney Channel. The same barf factory that's given us such thrills as Lizzie MacGuire and Johnny Tsunami. And as if on cue, the so called singers get a record contract thrown at them. It's smart really. Hell, if I were a music exec, I would too. Millions of junior high kids everywhere would buy their CDs. However, since I am a consumer of music and not a corporate proprietor, I of course find this move to be sacrilegious. Ashley Tisdale was the first, then Cordin Bleu then... ...wait. Cordin Bleu? The hell kind of name is that?! I wonder how many times he's had his name referenced to a famous French chicken recipe. Disney loves to give the music world useless singers with phony talent. Hey, while we're on the subject...
[EDIT: So I guess his name is actually Corbin Bleu. Chicken Cordon Bleu reference is still in tact, though]
Hannah Montana
Hilary Duff outgrew her Lizzie MacGuire character and broke away from Disney (and the fact that she's still afloat is amazing. Well.. maybe not that amazing, but still). So to replace her, they throw yet another young blonde kid who can barely hold a tune at us. And it's along the same exact line. First it started with her own TV show. Then a movie or two. And now they gave her a record contract to feast on the dollars from 10 year olds' piggy banks. It should be a crime.
And as much merchandising that High School Musical is getting, Hannah is getting nearly as much. Fucking Hannah Montana alarm clock. That's just beyond sad. I almost bought it just so I can hit it with a hammer. While that would certainly relieve some stress, I would only get angry at the fact I just wasted 10 bucks, and angrier still that my 10 bucks just went to pay the big guns at Disney, which in turn would lead them to churn out more Lizzie MacGuire/Hannah Montana spin offs. Which will only cause my head to explode into a bloody and brainy mess.
Here's the real point of aggravation though. Hannah Montana is played by some shrimp named Miley Cyrus. Miley is the daughter of a man named Billy Ray Cyrus. She's the Achy Breaky Daughter. And with her recent success, Dad has tried to bank off that success by coming back to the music biz and release a new album. So basically, we can exponentially blame Disney for the reason why Billy Ray Cyrus has become remotely relevant again (not that he was ever relevant to begin with). Damn you, Disney. Damn you all to Hell!
"Big Girls Don't Cry"
I hate you, Fergie. God can't even measure my depth of hatred for this woman. She looks like somebody hit her in the face with a sack of doorknobs. I've already well stated that she probably has the absolute worst voice of any woman ever given a recording contract short of Cyndi Lauper. And with such timeless classics as "London Bridge" and "Fergalicious" in her past, she moves on to this weepy shmoozfest about how you have to grow up... or at least that's what I think it's supposed to be about. Because all I hear is "Blah blah blah, whine whine whine, monkey noises, I pissed myself on stage with the Black Eyed Peas" (yes, you think the world has forgotten, but you would be wrong. HAH!) I find it ironic that though the title of the song is "Big Girls Dont' Cry", this is the biggest whine-fest I've ever heard. Big girls may not cry, but I guarantee you EVERYONE--big or small--will weep in pain over this trash.
And from this phenomenal piece of shit, we have a nominee for the worst lyric of all time. And it comes from the gag me with a chainsaw chorus:
"When I'm gone, I miss you like a child misses their blanket"
Everytime I hear that, I want to step on a kitten. That's how angry I am. That one line is enough for me to crush a baby kitty. That sounds monstrous, but blame Fergie. That line is single-handedly the most pathetic attempt at expressing romantic absence since the 90s hit "I miss you like the deserts miss the rain". It gives me a headache just thinking about it. I just want to take a Q-tip and crush my eardrums with it, seeing as that would put me in less pain.
Congratulations, Fergie. I've never had two songs from the same artist piss me off to the point of a rant and a half like you have (recall London Bridge. KUDOS FOR THAT AND KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.