Pond Scum.
Sup, internet?
I've already well chronicled how the internet acts a drug to me, and that it's very disclusion sends me into heroine rehab patient-like withdrawals within days. However, and thankfully, it didn't happen this latest disconnection. I've just been too damn busy to notice since it's snipping Thursday night. Between rapidly getting all my shit to the new place, i.e: here, cleaning up the old place, i.e: there, and working 30 hours between Thursday, the disconnection, and today, the reconnection. So even if I had the net, I'd hardly be at it. In a way, I'm glad I cut it when I did, so there was little distraction.
The new place is great. It's still small, but at least it's an actual apartment and not a studio or "efficiency room" as some might put it. God, I hated that place. That is an easy lesson learned, I will never wait until the last second to find an apartment again. That was just a terrible year in that place. You all know because I've bitched about it on multiple occasions. This place isn't exactly a happening pad, so to speak, but it certainly does the job of holding my shit AND providing comfort and livability, something Old Place didn't have.
And as if I needed another reason to think that Old Place was a gigantic mistake, now my old landlord is trying to deny me returning my security deposit. I got a voicemail at work of her sounding like an offended bitch, saying that "it'll take all day to clean this place". And that "keeping the place clean was in the lease" and as such, apparently I breached that part of the lease, so they're withholding my deposit. It took a lot in me not to explode into a sea of berserker rage in front of my coworkers. But I sat there, swallowed hard, and kinda let it seep in. But I found something out. Apparently when I get seething with anger that I'm trying to hold in, my right arm twitches uncontrollably. I finished out the day at work, and REALLY wanted to either call her back or better yet go down to the old place and give her a piece of my mind. But common sense prevailed. Because I knew if I did, I would definitely end up yelling at her. And yelling and screaming doesn't usually change someone's mind, especially a cold-hearted bitch. I knew landlords tried to gyp everyone out of their deposit in one way or another, but she can go choke and die. She did me no favors at all while I lived there. Why in God's name should I do her any? Then the thought of taking her ass to court. But that thought was quickly nixed seeing that, even if I won and got my $600 back, that would quickly be drained on the lawyer I had hired... unless I included his bill in the winnings. And then the logical thought came in and said that I probably wouldn't win because, while it says nothing about ceasing the return of a deposit, that the domicile should be clean. But it was, I don't know what her big deal was. Yeah, it wasn't scrubbed sparkly clean. But jesusfuck, it was fine and good. A lesser person wouldn't have noticed. So I don't want to call her again because I know I'll yell myself hoarse. I can't sue her because I probably won't win. But I really don't want to sit by and let this ice queen steal $600 from me. What to do, what to do.
I landed a transfer to in-stocks at Target, which is a big plus. A quarter raise, full time 40 hours, benefits, and a steady schedule. This decision coming after I was denied the promotion to cash office specialist. That one kinda hurt. They said I lacked enough managerial experience, but that a transition to in-stocks would help build that experience. I seriously wanted to walk out. In the last 6 months, this is the third promotion I've been denied, even the the last 2 times, I received extremely positive feedback that I was a shoe-in. And I even told a couple people that if I was denied this promotion that I was going to find employment elsewhere. I probably would've followed through if not for the steadiness of in-stocks. It's pretty much everything I wanted save for the management title and payings. And it's a morning to afternoon shift, meaning now I get a lot more free time with my evenings off. Evenings off, man that hasn't happened in a long time. I need to get a life again pretty soon. It's going to be hard to train my sleep cycle properly again. I haven't had to get up at 6:00 in the morning daily since I was a junior in high school. I've alway been a night person, and this is certainly going to kill that part of me. The Nocturnal part of me is yelling "NOOOOOOO!" right now. It'll be hard to train, as it's 12:15 right now, which I should hammer home is too late to be up by now. By the end of the week, I'm thinking.
Birthday in one week. 21. The Blackjack Year. Believe it or not, I don't think getting sloshed is on the list of things to do on my birthday, which is a huge shame. But you know, I'll be 21 for the rest of my life... er, have the privelege of a 21 year old the rest of my life that is. I can (and will) drink later. Plans fell through to go to Montreal due to financial tugs and lack of planning, so I'm probably heading to L-Town for the day to hang with people. The following day it's to Connecticut where some drinking MAY occur, but probably not a lot since I'd have work the following morning. And what seems to be the norm now, I'm beginning to grow anxious, yet dread my upcoming birthday. Last year, I freaked out over being 20 because I thought now I'd have to "grow up", what with no longer being a teenager. That died. This year, I'm worried that I'm getting older since this is the last "fun age". Remember being younger and making the list of all the fun ages? 13, 16, 18, and 21. I'm saddened, and feel like now it's all downhill from here. I guess I'm just feeling to old to be young, which is ridiculous, I know. But I can't help the way I feel. I think what I really fear is my 25th birthday. I feel like that's the age when you're supposed to "be someone", you know. And I fear not being that someone. This fear was founded two years ago on my 19th birthday. 2 years ago. I like to think I've accomplished something since then, but I don't know if I have. And I only have 4 years to go to get there. ... But I have no idea where I'm going. My future is so foggy right now. It kind of scares me.
But don't get me wrong, right now, all things considered, life is pretty good. New car, new apartment, somewhat new job, good friends, girlfriend. But even then, I'm scared that while I have all these good fortunes come my way, the only way to go is down. I want to believe that this is my new, higher quality of life. But I know the moment I accept it as that, things will crash down around me. So I'd rather walk around feeling like I'm still lucky for all these good comings than allow myself to think this is the norm, no matter how long it stays the same. I fear I'm turning into a pessimist, people who I used to despise. But in the last year, year and a half, I've had things just crash down in front of me, like I said. So I've somewhat grown accustomed to the looking for the potential badness in things. It's just another thing where I don't want to grow accustomed to the good because then I'll just be heartbroken if/when they hit the fan.
Sigh. My life....
I've already well chronicled how the internet acts a drug to me, and that it's very disclusion sends me into heroine rehab patient-like withdrawals within days. However, and thankfully, it didn't happen this latest disconnection. I've just been too damn busy to notice since it's snipping Thursday night. Between rapidly getting all my shit to the new place, i.e: here, cleaning up the old place, i.e: there, and working 30 hours between Thursday, the disconnection, and today, the reconnection. So even if I had the net, I'd hardly be at it. In a way, I'm glad I cut it when I did, so there was little distraction.
The new place is great. It's still small, but at least it's an actual apartment and not a studio or "efficiency room" as some might put it. God, I hated that place. That is an easy lesson learned, I will never wait until the last second to find an apartment again. That was just a terrible year in that place. You all know because I've bitched about it on multiple occasions. This place isn't exactly a happening pad, so to speak, but it certainly does the job of holding my shit AND providing comfort and livability, something Old Place didn't have.
And as if I needed another reason to think that Old Place was a gigantic mistake, now my old landlord is trying to deny me returning my security deposit. I got a voicemail at work of her sounding like an offended bitch, saying that "it'll take all day to clean this place". And that "keeping the place clean was in the lease" and as such, apparently I breached that part of the lease, so they're withholding my deposit. It took a lot in me not to explode into a sea of berserker rage in front of my coworkers. But I sat there, swallowed hard, and kinda let it seep in. But I found something out. Apparently when I get seething with anger that I'm trying to hold in, my right arm twitches uncontrollably. I finished out the day at work, and REALLY wanted to either call her back or better yet go down to the old place and give her a piece of my mind. But common sense prevailed. Because I knew if I did, I would definitely end up yelling at her. And yelling and screaming doesn't usually change someone's mind, especially a cold-hearted bitch. I knew landlords tried to gyp everyone out of their deposit in one way or another, but she can go choke and die. She did me no favors at all while I lived there. Why in God's name should I do her any? Then the thought of taking her ass to court. But that thought was quickly nixed seeing that, even if I won and got my $600 back, that would quickly be drained on the lawyer I had hired... unless I included his bill in the winnings. And then the logical thought came in and said that I probably wouldn't win because, while it says nothing about ceasing the return of a deposit, that the domicile should be clean. But it was, I don't know what her big deal was. Yeah, it wasn't scrubbed sparkly clean. But jesusfuck, it was fine and good. A lesser person wouldn't have noticed. So I don't want to call her again because I know I'll yell myself hoarse. I can't sue her because I probably won't win. But I really don't want to sit by and let this ice queen steal $600 from me. What to do, what to do.
I landed a transfer to in-stocks at Target, which is a big plus. A quarter raise, full time 40 hours, benefits, and a steady schedule. This decision coming after I was denied the promotion to cash office specialist. That one kinda hurt. They said I lacked enough managerial experience, but that a transition to in-stocks would help build that experience. I seriously wanted to walk out. In the last 6 months, this is the third promotion I've been denied, even the the last 2 times, I received extremely positive feedback that I was a shoe-in. And I even told a couple people that if I was denied this promotion that I was going to find employment elsewhere. I probably would've followed through if not for the steadiness of in-stocks. It's pretty much everything I wanted save for the management title and payings. And it's a morning to afternoon shift, meaning now I get a lot more free time with my evenings off. Evenings off, man that hasn't happened in a long time. I need to get a life again pretty soon. It's going to be hard to train my sleep cycle properly again. I haven't had to get up at 6:00 in the morning daily since I was a junior in high school. I've alway been a night person, and this is certainly going to kill that part of me. The Nocturnal part of me is yelling "NOOOOOOO!" right now. It'll be hard to train, as it's 12:15 right now, which I should hammer home is too late to be up by now. By the end of the week, I'm thinking.
Birthday in one week. 21. The Blackjack Year. Believe it or not, I don't think getting sloshed is on the list of things to do on my birthday, which is a huge shame. But you know, I'll be 21 for the rest of my life... er, have the privelege of a 21 year old the rest of my life that is. I can (and will) drink later. Plans fell through to go to Montreal due to financial tugs and lack of planning, so I'm probably heading to L-Town for the day to hang with people. The following day it's to Connecticut where some drinking MAY occur, but probably not a lot since I'd have work the following morning. And what seems to be the norm now, I'm beginning to grow anxious, yet dread my upcoming birthday. Last year, I freaked out over being 20 because I thought now I'd have to "grow up", what with no longer being a teenager. That died. This year, I'm worried that I'm getting older since this is the last "fun age". Remember being younger and making the list of all the fun ages? 13, 16, 18, and 21. I'm saddened, and feel like now it's all downhill from here. I guess I'm just feeling to old to be young, which is ridiculous, I know. But I can't help the way I feel. I think what I really fear is my 25th birthday. I feel like that's the age when you're supposed to "be someone", you know. And I fear not being that someone. This fear was founded two years ago on my 19th birthday. 2 years ago. I like to think I've accomplished something since then, but I don't know if I have. And I only have 4 years to go to get there. ... But I have no idea where I'm going. My future is so foggy right now. It kind of scares me.
But don't get me wrong, right now, all things considered, life is pretty good. New car, new apartment, somewhat new job, good friends, girlfriend. But even then, I'm scared that while I have all these good fortunes come my way, the only way to go is down. I want to believe that this is my new, higher quality of life. But I know the moment I accept it as that, things will crash down around me. So I'd rather walk around feeling like I'm still lucky for all these good comings than allow myself to think this is the norm, no matter how long it stays the same. I fear I'm turning into a pessimist, people who I used to despise. But in the last year, year and a half, I've had things just crash down in front of me, like I said. So I've somewhat grown accustomed to the looking for the potential badness in things. It's just another thing where I don't want to grow accustomed to the good because then I'll just be heartbroken if/when they hit the fan.
Sigh. My life....