The Night Santa Went Crazy.
Son of a bitch.
Just when I thought it was safe to go out, there were carolers on my street. Fucking carolers! NOT cool. All this "Silent Night" and "Noel" and "Jingle Bells" junk. You want a carol? Here's a freaking carol for you.
"Down in the workshop
All the elves were making toys
For the good gentile girls
And the good gentile boys
When the boss busted in
Nearly scared em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands
And cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots
He was covered in camo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled
Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said
With a twinkle in his eye
'Merry Christmas to all
Now you're all gonna die!'
The night Santa went crazy!
The night St. Nick when insane.
Realized he was getting the raw deal
Something finally must've snapped hin his brain
Well the workshop is gone now
He decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces
Of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers
And he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph
Into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer
With an old German luger
And he slashed up Dasher
Just like Freddy Kruger
And he picked up a flamethrower
And barcebued Blitzen
Then he took a big bite and said
'It tastes just like chicken'
The night Santa went crazy!
The night Kris Kringler went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts
There's the national guard
And the FBI
There's a van from the eyewitness news
And helicopters circling round in the sky
And the bullets are flying
The body count's rising
And everyone's dying to know
'Oh, Santa, Why?
Whywhywhywhywhywhy
You used to be such a jolly guy'
Yes, Virginia.
Now Santa's doing time
In a federal prison
For his infamous crime
Hey little friend, now
Don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior
In 700 more years
But now Vixen's in therapy
And Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs
Working for the Postal Service
And they say Mrs. Claus
She's on the phone every night
With a lawyer negotiating
the movie rights
They're talking about...
The night Santa went crazy!
The night St. Nicholas flipped.
Broke his back for some
Milk and cookies.
Sounds to me like he was
Tired of getting gypped.
The nght Santa went crazy!
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he was getting the raw deal
Something finally must've snapped
In his brain
Tell ya
Something finally must've snapped
...In his brain."
Merry fuckin' Christmas to all
And to all ... a merry fuckin' Christmas, what did I just say?
Just when I thought it was safe to go out, there were carolers on my street. Fucking carolers! NOT cool. All this "Silent Night" and "Noel" and "Jingle Bells" junk. You want a carol? Here's a freaking carol for you.
"Down in the workshop
All the elves were making toys
For the good gentile girls
And the good gentile boys
When the boss busted in
Nearly scared em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands
And cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots
He was covered in camo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled
Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said
With a twinkle in his eye
'Merry Christmas to all
Now you're all gonna die!'
The night Santa went crazy!
The night St. Nick when insane.
Realized he was getting the raw deal
Something finally must've snapped hin his brain
Well the workshop is gone now
He decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces
Of Cupid and Comet
And he tied up his helpers
And he held the elves hostage
And he ground up poor Rudolph
Into reindeer sausage
He got Dancer and Prancer
With an old German luger
And he slashed up Dasher
Just like Freddy Kruger
And he picked up a flamethrower
And barcebued Blitzen
Then he took a big bite and said
'It tastes just like chicken'
The night Santa went crazy!
The night Kris Kringler went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Pole
Without stepping in reindeer guts
There's the national guard
And the FBI
There's a van from the eyewitness news
And helicopters circling round in the sky
And the bullets are flying
The body count's rising
And everyone's dying to know
'Oh, Santa, Why?
Whywhywhywhywhywhy
You used to be such a jolly guy'
Yes, Virginia.
Now Santa's doing time
In a federal prison
For his infamous crime
Hey little friend, now
Don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior
In 700 more years
But now Vixen's in therapy
And Donner's still nervous
And the elves all got jobs
Working for the Postal Service
And they say Mrs. Claus
She's on the phone every night
With a lawyer negotiating
the movie rights
They're talking about...
The night Santa went crazy!
The night St. Nicholas flipped.
Broke his back for some
Milk and cookies.
Sounds to me like he was
Tired of getting gypped.
The nght Santa went crazy!
The night St. Nick went insane
Realized he was getting the raw deal
Something finally must've snapped
In his brain
Tell ya
Something finally must've snapped
...In his brain."
Merry fuckin' Christmas to all
And to all ... a merry fuckin' Christmas, what did I just say?