(no subject)
Before this, I'd never attempted to journal a trip before. I told myself it couldn't be documented.
But this time I had to. I had to remember everything and my purse was bursting with ticket stubs and schedules and receipts.
I attended this Global Youth Conference this summer, [the dork that I am],
a UN-type summit for 360 kids of 100 different countries to debate and attempt to resolve global issues.
A trip of the mind? Learned, learned, learned.
.1: GO
.2: JUMP IN
black txt: "kids of every race and color, ideal and background, coming together to be one."
.3
txt: "The plane ride was long, 5 or 5 hours, but it passed in a blur of anticipation and dozens of hemp bracelets, Katie and my last-minute attempt at a 'cultural exchange item.' The stewardesses would sometimes watch and ask what number we were on./ We arrived late and missed the orientation, those first few awkward 'hello's. It was okay; we'd have many more in the days to come./ We were herded like multi-racial cattle into this tiny chapel. I don't remember much of the speech - Katie and I were scanning the room for hot foreign boys, and trying to steer away from the dorks next to us./ "Stand up if you speak more than 5 languages...stand up if you travelled more than 16 hours to get here."/ It was incredible how different we were.
.4: THEY TELL US WE ARE FRANCE
green txt: "We already have different ideas of what it means to be a leader."
.5
green txt: "But we don't seem to be any sort of unit to me, much less a country with shared ideals and goals./ We were asked to describe a leader, and we already have different ideas of what that means./ I'm observing./ The girl on my left introduces herself as 'Loud Lauren', the girl from Texas announces that Jesus is her hero, and the fidgety Indian kid laughs out loud. It's freezing cold in this little room, and despite the many different climates we're all used to, we're all shivering."
.6: WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DISREGARD THAT (home) FOR THIS, (france), & I THINK I GOT LOST SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN
.7
black txt: "This speaker, Gary Weaver, has all these ideas that he calls the "iceberg theory", that 6/7s of all CULTURE is beneath the surface, and the root of it all is where we can relate, if we don't fall victim to the stereotypes of SURFACE CULTURE -- behavior, manners, etc. 'You can never know yourself, and your culture, until you leave it.'"
.8: 'READ, READ, READ. THEN READ WHAT IS IN BETWEEN THE LINES, THEN READ WHAT IS NOT SAID.'
blue txt: "I'm sitting next to Alexandra, my new friend from Colombia. She has a lot to say, all the time. I prefer to doodle the Zimbabwe lady's many chins rather than listen to her. She's not saying anything, really."
.9
red txt: "These are the type of pictures which won't really pull any heartstrings when it's all over, which is too bad. I'm waiting for the trip to really start. But until then, I'm stuck doing just that - waiting."
.10: WHO KNEW SALMON TRADE COULD GET A BUNCH OF KIDS SO HEATED?
red txt: "It's a really weird idea, this conference, bringing together the 'leaders' of every nation, the loudest, most opinionated kids of the entire WORLD. We're already yelling over each other, just be heard. Oh, irony..."
.11: HOW I FEEL TODAY
green txt: "I've never been around this many loud peple before in one room I think I'm going crazy at home I'm the loudest but here I'm simply average I can't even imagine what it's like for the quiet kids. They didn't prepare us for THIS challenge."
.12: IMPERMEABLE
black txt: "This morning was the World Bank presentation. The speech was practiced but unsatisfying, like something impermeable that they prepared to charm us with. But we know there's more to this than what they say. People, here, are impermeable too. I'm not sure which crusts I should be cracking, or even just attempting to. It's raining and I can't quite see clearly. I'm not even sure what I should be seeing."
.13
navy/purple/navy txt: "We're beginning to question everything as we hear it - just because there's more to this than meets the eye. Nikhil and I have been collaborating at lunchtime, trying to fix our group's problem of talking too much and not saying enough. We're both big-idea people, me and Nik, but we also both know when to step back and let others dance - middlemen of our group, apparently. We've come up with "oppisote day" which might work, where the quiet people step up and the loud ones shut the hell up. Either way, it's nice to find an ally in all this chaos./ Maybe this is what leadership actually means. To ensure freedom, and freedom of speech."
.14: MAY I SIT HERE?
greenyblack txt on red: "'Stephanie from the Bay Area, right? I remembered from the questions.' But I didn't ask any. And in that 1/2 hour, I knew you were different."
.15: EVERYTHING TURNS AROUND ON WEDNESDAY
blue/red txt: "I've been the outsider with Katie's group, annoyed with my own, riding the tail of Lauren's 'fab' posse. Today I sat in the Smithsonian, calling home, anything to pass time, waiting for Wednesday to work its inexplicable magic./ I was sitting by myself on the bus, hoping and dreading someone would sit beside me, when this boy with a silly tie took the seat. He and I cut past the idle chat quickly. In 30 minutes, I knew he was different. He made fun of the newspaper _. He fulfills what this place is sorely lacking -- a sense of humor, sarcasm, wit."
.16: IDEALS COLLIDE
red txt: "We're slowly beginning to trade in our home countries' interests for those of France. Ideals collide but we are France. We speak of "we" and "our goals" when we speak of France, and in today's peace & security council, we lobbied and promoted as France. I was elected Ambassador from my group of 3, not that it matters since Joe and Azhar are the quietest people here. I stepped back in this morning's LGM and let Lauren, Skylar, Eddy, Alex & Nikhil write France's position statement. I'm not used to all this government stuff, Moldova and UN procedure & resolutions, I don't know what I was expecting but this all feels SO REMOVED from the issues. I shook when I read our position statement outloud. I don't know why. My roommate was in the room. It was weird, but I missed France. They're beginning to feel like home."
black txt: "I keep glancing around for Doug, that boy I met yesterday. Just because I miss sarcasm, I tell myself."
.17: LET YOURSELF BE SHOCKED
black txt: "Today I was randomly chosen to go to this panel in Virgina, on freeing modern slaves. It was the most inspirational thing I've encountered so far - here's something that's an eminant issue, real and ready to be tackled. This is what we should be presented with every day - these are the chances for leadership that we should learn to seize. 28 million slaves in the world today, 10,000 in the US. What will we do?"
.18: VIVA LE FRANCE!
black txt: "Tonight was the first time I felt any ounce of French pride, at the French Embassy. I sat next to Erin on the ride over, and we talked deeply about the culture shock that has been throwing all of us into such disarray lately. I admired her earnesty. / The first several minutes were awkward, as usual. I had just before bonded with my roommates - meeting that boy seems to have opened my mouth $ fueled my optimism. Anyway, fluttering between Rashmir, and Katie's group, & Alex's & Lauren's, I was finally right when Nikhil spotted me and we spent the rest of the evening arm in arm, with Christine, elitely "critiquing" art and generally being amused by our own wit. Nikhil really brings us together, it's starting to seem. Lauren may be 'such a leader' but we follow Nik. ...Occasionally, we drifted over to the pianos to 'be charmed' by the music. It was a while before I realized Doug was playing."
.19
black txt on white: "I grabbed Doug on the way out, declaring in a flippant tone that he was my 'third date of the evening.' While I prided myself on being so forthright, what I didn't add was that I wanted this one to count. The bus ride went by in a flirty, sarcastic blur, and I wasn't ready to let him go so quickly. I was radiating still from the euphoria of the French Embassy. We didn't part ways as we stepped off the bus - very much the oppisote. We drifted blissfully toward the monuments in our own bubble, where Eddy met up with us. The three of us together at once felt right; odd on paper, but we worked. Doug's pants were a bit too short, Eddy's a bit too tight, and my dress was slightly mussed. We never really made it to the monuments that night - our world was far more interesting that those of dead presidents. We sat on the steps of the Lincoln memorial and talked of everything. It always seems like everything when the night is perfect & filled with hope. Eddy kept getting lost between Doug and my sarcasm, but the good thing about Eddy is that he doesn't ask questions./ We look like a bit of an odd group: the gay fashionista, the slightly unkempt southern boy, and me, all wearing each others' shoes because mine hurt too much to walk in."
black txt on silver: "Eddy approaches me and Doug and asks Doug if he has any gum. 'Sure, man,' says Doug and reaches up to his mouth, splits his own gum into two, and gives half to Eddy. After a minute of silent chewing, I ask: 'Have you two met yet?!"
.20: EDDY AND I MIGHT BE BEST FRIENDS (we both love pens)
black txt: This morning, instead of listening to the Women's Rights panel, Eddy and I traced our lifelines with his super pilot pen. It was goofy/perfect. I can be with him who I want to be, who I can't be with Lauren or with Katie's friends. I don't need a big clique of friends here, I'm realizing. But I do need Eddy. He's also the best pillow ever. I've always been a bestfriend type of girl. / I keep sneaking peeks at Doug during the panel. He's sitting next to that big guy from Washington state who I sang Kaiser Chiefs on the bus with a few days ago. / This super-presumptous guy from the Israel group goes up to the mike and asks, 'Some people say that Women's Rights has done all they need to do and is now simply destroying the roles of wife & daughter...' I want to slap him. So does Eddy."
.21: WORK MAKES YOU FREE/ for the dead and the living, we must bear witness
"After lunch in one of the most patriotic shopping malls I've ever been in, we faced the Holocaust Museum. Eddy at my side, I was less afraid - we're both Jewish and we both intended to take this very seriously - how could we not? We started off with Doug, but I was already put off by his casual stance and ability to make jokes while waiting in line for the museum. I turned cold, I know I did, and barely noticed when he sped up and drifted away. I was already emersed in the horror that I felt it everytime I took a breath, seeping into my lungs and body. Eddy was my solid rock, my reliable comfort - he waited for me at every station and hugged me when I looked ready to break down. I did, twice - entering the train compartment where I could almost feel my ancestors' presence, and in that horrible shoe room. Eddy and I were the last ones to leave. When we stepped outstide, we found Doug eating a snowcone with that girl Lauren from Miami. They were smiling sheepishly. I started, but then considered: who do I have to take everything so personally? Maybe Doug has the right idea. But---for the living and the dead, we must bear witness..."
.22: WE'RE IN THE SAME WATER BUT WE'RE MAKING VERY DIFFERENT SPLASHES
green/purple txt: Eddy and I are still getting over the shock of the Holocaust Museum as we walk around FDR. France, for once, is sort of drifting through together, taking pictures on the corny statues and flinging fistfulls of water at each other. Lauren, never the timid one, peels off her 6-inch heels and dips her feet right in the waterfall. Alex & I shortly follow, and when Doug shows up with 'Lauren From Miami' clinging to one arm, we're laughing and splashing each other, almost to our knees. Doug grins at me and hops in, too. / Before Jenell and Lauren can drag him off to the waterfront, I make Doug promise that we're sitting together on the bus tomorrow. With that in mine, I hardly care when Lauren clamps herself to his free arm and leads him away."
.23: AMUSING OURSELVES HAS NEVER BEEN THIS EASY
green txt: "Yesterday, I snagged Doug before someone else could, asking if he'd sit with me on the long bus ride today, didn't think twice about it. You'd be impressed at how forthright I'm being with this boy, but I think he brings it out in me. For the first half of the ride, we obnoxiously blew grass blades in eachothers' ears and I taught him how to make hemp bracelets. Our theme was grass."
black txt: "That girl Lauren has been claiming a lot of Doug's time and sympathy by saying that this guy forced himself on her. Even her best friend thinks it's not true, but Doug's too kind-hearted to believe anything else. / Everyone is sleeping but us. How could we? We each have 16 years' worth of stories to tell, the rest of our lives to ponder. We could sit right here forever..."
.24: TIME STOPS FOR US AS WE MOVE
black txt: "People trying to sleep are glaring at us, so we stop giggling and start passing notes & playing Hangman. We watch 'Love Actually' on Katie's laptop and the sex scenes aren't even awkward."
.25: YOU ARE HERE (together, off the beaten path, for now)
black txt: "Stopped in Philly for lunch/ to be able to say we went to Philly. Red bricks everywhere. They deposited us in front of a crappy food court, as usual, and we moved in an embarrassing sea of white T-shirted tourists, through the mall. After a quick shared ice cream and turning up our noses at cheesesteaks, Eddy (ever the city whiz) led us out the door in hunt of 'real restaurant food'. I understand that not everyone can afford anything else, but food courts are starting to get pretty old. "Us" is me, Eddy, and Doug, by the way. I really hope it stays that way. I wanted to go off on an adventure, but we just ended up at a bright yellow cafe on a backstreet definitely "out of bounds", feeling far more sophisticated and comfortable and unique than all the suckers in the mall. We bought grilled veggie sandwiches, settled down in a green cracked-leather booth, and talked seriously about religion, political persuasions, marijuana, gay marraige and our families for 2 long hours. It was perfect, and I almost forgot we had to go back. I've found my matches in intellectual stimulation and sarcastic wit. Doug is the first religious Republican who I can understand, respect, and relate to."
.26: I NEVER NOTICED HOW MUCH I LIKED IT HERE UNTIL EVERYTHING CHANGED
blue txt: "We arrived around 6 & sat awkwardly on the hot pavement until our floor was called. The elevator was broken and so we lugged our suitcases up 6 flights of stairs. Then Isabelle came to my room - we're not close but I could tell she needed some company. She told me she thinks Doug might have a girlfriend back home, that he's hiding it from me. There's something off about this place already. / Eddy and I have gotten awfully good at complaining. He doesn't like it here either."
.27: SOHO ('girl, there's no way we're buying crappy knockoffs in Chinatown when Soho is 10 minute away...')
purple txt: "Doug went off somewhere with Lauren. I didn't try to follow him. / Eddy knows this city. He makes sure I don't get lost."
.28: THIS IS CONTENTMENT
green txt: "When they dropped us off at Prospect Park today, I was dreading what was sure to be awkwardness with Doug, after Isabelle's confession last night. No matter that Doug had no idea I knew - I tried to explain to Eddy, everything would be different now. I know how I can get so awkward, so quickly. But here's the thing - I wasn't. He bought me an ice cream, raspberry with vanilla, and I walked away. He caught up. Eddy and I trailed off, being bitchy, and he caught up. Suddenly it felt stupid to resent him, and more right to flop in the grassy fields ('off limits', but whatever - our best times are always out-of-bounds.') After Lauren and Isabelle left, it was just me and my boys, enjoying the sun and grass and Jack Johnson coming from my Ipod."
black txts: "Eddy knows what I'm up to, he always knows. But he doesn't judge or question - that's the beauty of Eddy. And when I need him to, he'll bitch about Lauren with me - nothing more than the truth, though."
"When you smile at me like that and shake your head, everything goes a little funny."
"Skylar and I like the same sort of music. I flirt with him a little too much, and only when Doug's looking. Today me and Sky made up our own language, to speak when Isabelle & Eddy start firing away in Spanish."
.29: WE SAT AND WATCHED THE DUCKS AWHILE
green/black txt: "We were supposed to go to this flower museum, or something, for the second half of the afternoon. When Erin walked by and saw how perfectly content we were, she winked and told us to stay put. We were more than happy to oblige, and passed the next 2 hours just as easily. / I've never been the 'guy's girl' at home, so why start now? But it seems like I'm only happy here, only myself, with my boys."
.30: IT'S A FRENCH THING
blue txt: "Tonight is the rally and spirits are high. We, the proud French, met for an hour to discuss our plan. Camille actually benefitted the group for once by being a Texan cheerleader, and got the faux-French blood in our bodies pumping to a whole new level. Skylar had us all cracking up with his enthusiastic French rap. 'Bonjour' is the extent of my French, but that didn't matter when Sky depicted all of us in our glory - Loud Lauren, Chic Eddy, Comical 'Fangy B'. We knew already that no one would find it funny but us, which only brought us closer. / I stepped up to organize us, although this time the yelling-over-each-other was enthusiastic, not violent. Isabelle taught us "ale le blu" and when we stormed the stage, we were louder than them all. We're used to loud, but this time we were proud."
.31: AND SO WE MEET AGAIN, MY FRIEND (I guess we both had to grow up sometime)
black txt: "I ditched the MoMA today and went to meet Mat at a diner down the street, where we ordered choco chip pancakes and talked about everything except for how we've changed. / I had been expecting awkward silences, but what I got was so much worse - easy laughter and nostalgia, reminders of a time when I was never awkward at all. What am I doing here?"
.32: I'M TOO TIRED TO FIGHT TO SURVIVE IN THIS CITY
blue txt: "When my Ipod runs out of juice, I share Eddy's. I feel safe, sleeping on his chest, knowing we both hear the same melodies. / We were in an Elliot Smith mood today. / This city is so big, but our world is small and warm."
.33: DEVELOPMENT
purple/black/black/green/dark green: "Eddy and I chose the development commission so we could be together. These meetings go on forever, and we're all starting to miss LGMs. I know development is important, but it feels like we're just spouting bullshit. / Jose Maria is Katie's friend. He's Portugese and gorgeous! He kissed my hand when we were first introduced. / Jose Maria is full of bullshit! He talks and talks and doesn't say anything at all. I call him on it. I don't think he likes me very much. / Christiana is great. She cracks up at really inappropriate moments, and then slaps her hand over her mouth like she's embarrassed, but I know she's not. / These meetings bore us so much. We waste time by passing notes and proclaiming our love for 'our' home country, France."
.34: TODAY I GUIDED FRANCE TO VICTORY
green txt: "When it came down to negotiations time, we were back to France, back to our relative comfort - and this thing that has become our family. It came time to elect 'Head Negotiator' and although something inside me purred, I hushed it quickly, prepared to step back as I've been doing so much lately. But then Isabelle nominated me, Azhar seconded it when he recalled the ferocious notes I scribbed during our first simulation, and then they elected me. / They chose me over Eddy, Christiana, Doug and Megan, and that was all it took to remind me I deserved this."
.35: THEY'RE ALL CALLING MY NAME
green txt: And then I found my place, the source of calm amidst the chaos, knowing just which counties' ties were strong and just what buttons to press. And just like that, the leader in me roared. It just took some coaxing to get her out of hiding. I love when they called my name, 5 of them at once, shouting their accomplishments or desperately seeking the right answer. I loved surveying them, my team of brilliant minds. And then, suddenly, I fit right in, not as the sheep but as their leader."
.36: SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE PICTURE. IT WAS ONLY JUST STARTING TO DEVELOP.
.37: APPARENTLY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FALL ASLEEP DURING THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
.38: THIS IS IT
.39: WE'VE SOLVED GLOBAL ISSUES IN JUST TWO WEEKS
black txt: "It takes forver to get through the security and on into the UN building, and our stomachs are filling with anticipation all the while. There's no more 'winging it', no more bullshitting our answers - this summit will take place in one of the UN's real conference rooms, and it is as real as they come. We've heard that they are taping us to send to the UN, as a record of the 'youth's input', or that UN workers will be sitting in the back rows, watching. I don't know about that, but I do know this is real to US, no matter if it doesn't immediately make a difference in the world - just the facts of all of us coming together in diplomacy, despite our varied backgrounds, to find resolutions to some of the world's toughest challenges - it proves that there IS hope for tomorrow, no matter how corny that sounded when they told us the first day. When we file into the room, opinions don't immediately start flying like they usually do - this is not a time for chaos. This is a time for the order that we've worked so hard to achieve. Positions are stated, clearly and concisely, although no minds are changed, and we vote quickly and decidedly on each issue. The tough stuff is behind us, really. We're taking this seriously, but we're also basking in our accomplishments thus far. As we raise our hands to vote, as France, I realize - finally, we are one country."
.40
black txt: "Sierra Leone has been getting on the bus several minutes after us lately. Despite my frequent glances, the straining of my neck, I can't help it when Eddy and I plant ourselves near the back and Doug and Lauren grab seats at the front when they board. It'd be ridiculous to wait for him, right? But today, on our long and rainy ride from the UN, Doug kept text-messaging me to come to the front. I refused, using Eddy's cold as an excuse ('I have to keep him company') - I just couldn't be around her. I'm not up to this jealous fight. Instead, I thoroughly enjoyed my ride with Eddy, in deep discussions of art and classes. He's so insightful, we never run out of things to say."
.41
black txt: "We get back to campus with 45 minutes left to change, so I sprint to Katie's room and throw on my new white dress from Bloomingdale's. I look good, though I'm not sure it matters anymore. It's raining as I take my now-usual seat next to Eddy on the bus, and it will only rain harder as the night goes on. I decide not to worry where Doug is, and what's going on, and enjoy my last night with France. Skylar throws me his tie and announces I'm his date, and we head to the dance floor with Eddy, Christine, Nikhil, Joe and Veronica. Nik is the life of the party, showing me and Christine some crazy moves on the second, international-music floor, and I get caught up with Latin fever dancing salsa with Eddy. This is nice, I belong here. And then I see him - without her. He grins at me as the music turns slow and takes my hand, pulling me close as the lights of the harbor flash outside. But over my shoulder, Lauren is watching, glaring, whispering things to her table. As the dance ends, I don't look forward to her revenge. / She takes his arm and yanks him away, treating him like property - and I'm too tired to fight back."
.42: AND IT WILL BE THE FACES I'LL REMEMBER
black txt: "Our little group gathered for the last time in Conference room 6 this morning, late and scattered and half-packed. I curled up on Eddy's chest and looked at all the faces I had not known 2 weeks earlier. In the midst of 'France' anecdotes, group pictures and 'warm fuzzies' (Erin's idea), leaving wasn't real until Nikhil suddenly stood, cleared his throat. By the time he was through, tears were streaming down ALL of our faces. And in that moment, our faces looked exactly the same.
purple/green/purple/green: "'As a filmaker, I'm always looking for the stories in everyones' lives. The stories of our lives are beautiful, and they wove together for some time. Now that those stories are diverging, my greatest wish would be to follow each one of you are your paths go wonderful places. And I have no doubt we'll meet again someday...'"
.43: TWO WEEKS LATER, WE'RE PREPARED FOR ANY CHALLENGE - EXCEPT LEAVING
green txt: "Katie and I had 4 1/2 long hours at the airport to cry, crack up and reflect on what went wrong, and what went so right."
.44
.45
.46: I'LL SEE Y'ALL ON THE MOON
X-posted in jr__nal.
But this time I had to. I had to remember everything and my purse was bursting with ticket stubs and schedules and receipts.
I attended this Global Youth Conference this summer, [the dork that I am],
a UN-type summit for 360 kids of 100 different countries to debate and attempt to resolve global issues.
A trip of the mind? Learned, learned, learned.
.1: GO
.2: JUMP IN
black txt: "kids of every race and color, ideal and background, coming together to be one."
.3
txt: "The plane ride was long, 5 or 5 hours, but it passed in a blur of anticipation and dozens of hemp bracelets, Katie and my last-minute attempt at a 'cultural exchange item.' The stewardesses would sometimes watch and ask what number we were on./ We arrived late and missed the orientation, those first few awkward 'hello's. It was okay; we'd have many more in the days to come./ We were herded like multi-racial cattle into this tiny chapel. I don't remember much of the speech - Katie and I were scanning the room for hot foreign boys, and trying to steer away from the dorks next to us./ "Stand up if you speak more than 5 languages...stand up if you travelled more than 16 hours to get here."/ It was incredible how different we were.
.4: THEY TELL US WE ARE FRANCE
green txt: "We already have different ideas of what it means to be a leader."
.5
green txt: "But we don't seem to be any sort of unit to me, much less a country with shared ideals and goals./ We were asked to describe a leader, and we already have different ideas of what that means./ I'm observing./ The girl on my left introduces herself as 'Loud Lauren', the girl from Texas announces that Jesus is her hero, and the fidgety Indian kid laughs out loud. It's freezing cold in this little room, and despite the many different climates we're all used to, we're all shivering."
.6: WE'RE SUPPOSED TO DISREGARD THAT (home) FOR THIS, (france), & I THINK I GOT LOST SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN
.7
black txt: "This speaker, Gary Weaver, has all these ideas that he calls the "iceberg theory", that 6/7s of all CULTURE is beneath the surface, and the root of it all is where we can relate, if we don't fall victim to the stereotypes of SURFACE CULTURE -- behavior, manners, etc. 'You can never know yourself, and your culture, until you leave it.'"
.8: 'READ, READ, READ. THEN READ WHAT IS IN BETWEEN THE LINES, THEN READ WHAT IS NOT SAID.'
blue txt: "I'm sitting next to Alexandra, my new friend from Colombia. She has a lot to say, all the time. I prefer to doodle the Zimbabwe lady's many chins rather than listen to her. She's not saying anything, really."
.9
red txt: "These are the type of pictures which won't really pull any heartstrings when it's all over, which is too bad. I'm waiting for the trip to really start. But until then, I'm stuck doing just that - waiting."
.10: WHO KNEW SALMON TRADE COULD GET A BUNCH OF KIDS SO HEATED?
red txt: "It's a really weird idea, this conference, bringing together the 'leaders' of every nation, the loudest, most opinionated kids of the entire WORLD. We're already yelling over each other, just be heard. Oh, irony..."
.11: HOW I FEEL TODAY
green txt: "I've never been around this many loud peple before in one room I think I'm going crazy at home I'm the loudest but here I'm simply average I can't even imagine what it's like for the quiet kids. They didn't prepare us for THIS challenge."
.12: IMPERMEABLE
black txt: "This morning was the World Bank presentation. The speech was practiced but unsatisfying, like something impermeable that they prepared to charm us with. But we know there's more to this than what they say. People, here, are impermeable too. I'm not sure which crusts I should be cracking, or even just attempting to. It's raining and I can't quite see clearly. I'm not even sure what I should be seeing."
.13
navy/purple/navy txt: "We're beginning to question everything as we hear it - just because there's more to this than meets the eye. Nikhil and I have been collaborating at lunchtime, trying to fix our group's problem of talking too much and not saying enough. We're both big-idea people, me and Nik, but we also both know when to step back and let others dance - middlemen of our group, apparently. We've come up with "oppisote day" which might work, where the quiet people step up and the loud ones shut the hell up. Either way, it's nice to find an ally in all this chaos./ Maybe this is what leadership actually means. To ensure freedom, and freedom of speech."
.14: MAY I SIT HERE?
greenyblack txt on red: "'Stephanie from the Bay Area, right? I remembered from the questions.' But I didn't ask any. And in that 1/2 hour, I knew you were different."
.15: EVERYTHING TURNS AROUND ON WEDNESDAY
blue/red txt: "I've been the outsider with Katie's group, annoyed with my own, riding the tail of Lauren's 'fab' posse. Today I sat in the Smithsonian, calling home, anything to pass time, waiting for Wednesday to work its inexplicable magic./ I was sitting by myself on the bus, hoping and dreading someone would sit beside me, when this boy with a silly tie took the seat. He and I cut past the idle chat quickly. In 30 minutes, I knew he was different. He made fun of the newspaper _. He fulfills what this place is sorely lacking -- a sense of humor, sarcasm, wit."
.16: IDEALS COLLIDE
red txt: "We're slowly beginning to trade in our home countries' interests for those of France. Ideals collide but we are France. We speak of "we" and "our goals" when we speak of France, and in today's peace & security council, we lobbied and promoted as France. I was elected Ambassador from my group of 3, not that it matters since Joe and Azhar are the quietest people here. I stepped back in this morning's LGM and let Lauren, Skylar, Eddy, Alex & Nikhil write France's position statement. I'm not used to all this government stuff, Moldova and UN procedure & resolutions, I don't know what I was expecting but this all feels SO REMOVED from the issues. I shook when I read our position statement outloud. I don't know why. My roommate was in the room. It was weird, but I missed France. They're beginning to feel like home."
black txt: "I keep glancing around for Doug, that boy I met yesterday. Just because I miss sarcasm, I tell myself."
.17: LET YOURSELF BE SHOCKED
black txt: "Today I was randomly chosen to go to this panel in Virgina, on freeing modern slaves. It was the most inspirational thing I've encountered so far - here's something that's an eminant issue, real and ready to be tackled. This is what we should be presented with every day - these are the chances for leadership that we should learn to seize. 28 million slaves in the world today, 10,000 in the US. What will we do?"
.18: VIVA LE FRANCE!
black txt: "Tonight was the first time I felt any ounce of French pride, at the French Embassy. I sat next to Erin on the ride over, and we talked deeply about the culture shock that has been throwing all of us into such disarray lately. I admired her earnesty. / The first several minutes were awkward, as usual. I had just before bonded with my roommates - meeting that boy seems to have opened my mouth $ fueled my optimism. Anyway, fluttering between Rashmir, and Katie's group, & Alex's & Lauren's, I was finally right when Nikhil spotted me and we spent the rest of the evening arm in arm, with Christine, elitely "critiquing" art and generally being amused by our own wit. Nikhil really brings us together, it's starting to seem. Lauren may be 'such a leader' but we follow Nik. ...Occasionally, we drifted over to the pianos to 'be charmed' by the music. It was a while before I realized Doug was playing."
.19
black txt on white: "I grabbed Doug on the way out, declaring in a flippant tone that he was my 'third date of the evening.' While I prided myself on being so forthright, what I didn't add was that I wanted this one to count. The bus ride went by in a flirty, sarcastic blur, and I wasn't ready to let him go so quickly. I was radiating still from the euphoria of the French Embassy. We didn't part ways as we stepped off the bus - very much the oppisote. We drifted blissfully toward the monuments in our own bubble, where Eddy met up with us. The three of us together at once felt right; odd on paper, but we worked. Doug's pants were a bit too short, Eddy's a bit too tight, and my dress was slightly mussed. We never really made it to the monuments that night - our world was far more interesting that those of dead presidents. We sat on the steps of the Lincoln memorial and talked of everything. It always seems like everything when the night is perfect & filled with hope. Eddy kept getting lost between Doug and my sarcasm, but the good thing about Eddy is that he doesn't ask questions./ We look like a bit of an odd group: the gay fashionista, the slightly unkempt southern boy, and me, all wearing each others' shoes because mine hurt too much to walk in."
black txt on silver: "Eddy approaches me and Doug and asks Doug if he has any gum. 'Sure, man,' says Doug and reaches up to his mouth, splits his own gum into two, and gives half to Eddy. After a minute of silent chewing, I ask: 'Have you two met yet?!"
.20: EDDY AND I MIGHT BE BEST FRIENDS (we both love pens)
black txt: This morning, instead of listening to the Women's Rights panel, Eddy and I traced our lifelines with his super pilot pen. It was goofy/perfect. I can be with him who I want to be, who I can't be with Lauren or with Katie's friends. I don't need a big clique of friends here, I'm realizing. But I do need Eddy. He's also the best pillow ever. I've always been a bestfriend type of girl. / I keep sneaking peeks at Doug during the panel. He's sitting next to that big guy from Washington state who I sang Kaiser Chiefs on the bus with a few days ago. / This super-presumptous guy from the Israel group goes up to the mike and asks, 'Some people say that Women's Rights has done all they need to do and is now simply destroying the roles of wife & daughter...' I want to slap him. So does Eddy."
.21: WORK MAKES YOU FREE/ for the dead and the living, we must bear witness
"After lunch in one of the most patriotic shopping malls I've ever been in, we faced the Holocaust Museum. Eddy at my side, I was less afraid - we're both Jewish and we both intended to take this very seriously - how could we not? We started off with Doug, but I was already put off by his casual stance and ability to make jokes while waiting in line for the museum. I turned cold, I know I did, and barely noticed when he sped up and drifted away. I was already emersed in the horror that I felt it everytime I took a breath, seeping into my lungs and body. Eddy was my solid rock, my reliable comfort - he waited for me at every station and hugged me when I looked ready to break down. I did, twice - entering the train compartment where I could almost feel my ancestors' presence, and in that horrible shoe room. Eddy and I were the last ones to leave. When we stepped outstide, we found Doug eating a snowcone with that girl Lauren from Miami. They were smiling sheepishly. I started, but then considered: who do I have to take everything so personally? Maybe Doug has the right idea. But---for the living and the dead, we must bear witness..."
.22: WE'RE IN THE SAME WATER BUT WE'RE MAKING VERY DIFFERENT SPLASHES
green/purple txt: Eddy and I are still getting over the shock of the Holocaust Museum as we walk around FDR. France, for once, is sort of drifting through together, taking pictures on the corny statues and flinging fistfulls of water at each other. Lauren, never the timid one, peels off her 6-inch heels and dips her feet right in the waterfall. Alex & I shortly follow, and when Doug shows up with 'Lauren From Miami' clinging to one arm, we're laughing and splashing each other, almost to our knees. Doug grins at me and hops in, too. / Before Jenell and Lauren can drag him off to the waterfront, I make Doug promise that we're sitting together on the bus tomorrow. With that in mine, I hardly care when Lauren clamps herself to his free arm and leads him away."
.23: AMUSING OURSELVES HAS NEVER BEEN THIS EASY
green txt: "Yesterday, I snagged Doug before someone else could, asking if he'd sit with me on the long bus ride today, didn't think twice about it. You'd be impressed at how forthright I'm being with this boy, but I think he brings it out in me. For the first half of the ride, we obnoxiously blew grass blades in eachothers' ears and I taught him how to make hemp bracelets. Our theme was grass."
black txt: "That girl Lauren has been claiming a lot of Doug's time and sympathy by saying that this guy forced himself on her. Even her best friend thinks it's not true, but Doug's too kind-hearted to believe anything else. / Everyone is sleeping but us. How could we? We each have 16 years' worth of stories to tell, the rest of our lives to ponder. We could sit right here forever..."
.24: TIME STOPS FOR US AS WE MOVE
black txt: "People trying to sleep are glaring at us, so we stop giggling and start passing notes & playing Hangman. We watch 'Love Actually' on Katie's laptop and the sex scenes aren't even awkward."
.25: YOU ARE HERE (together, off the beaten path, for now)
black txt: "Stopped in Philly for lunch/ to be able to say we went to Philly. Red bricks everywhere. They deposited us in front of a crappy food court, as usual, and we moved in an embarrassing sea of white T-shirted tourists, through the mall. After a quick shared ice cream and turning up our noses at cheesesteaks, Eddy (ever the city whiz) led us out the door in hunt of 'real restaurant food'. I understand that not everyone can afford anything else, but food courts are starting to get pretty old. "Us" is me, Eddy, and Doug, by the way. I really hope it stays that way. I wanted to go off on an adventure, but we just ended up at a bright yellow cafe on a backstreet definitely "out of bounds", feeling far more sophisticated and comfortable and unique than all the suckers in the mall. We bought grilled veggie sandwiches, settled down in a green cracked-leather booth, and talked seriously about religion, political persuasions, marijuana, gay marraige and our families for 2 long hours. It was perfect, and I almost forgot we had to go back. I've found my matches in intellectual stimulation and sarcastic wit. Doug is the first religious Republican who I can understand, respect, and relate to."
.26: I NEVER NOTICED HOW MUCH I LIKED IT HERE UNTIL EVERYTHING CHANGED
blue txt: "We arrived around 6 & sat awkwardly on the hot pavement until our floor was called. The elevator was broken and so we lugged our suitcases up 6 flights of stairs. Then Isabelle came to my room - we're not close but I could tell she needed some company. She told me she thinks Doug might have a girlfriend back home, that he's hiding it from me. There's something off about this place already. / Eddy and I have gotten awfully good at complaining. He doesn't like it here either."
.27: SOHO ('girl, there's no way we're buying crappy knockoffs in Chinatown when Soho is 10 minute away...')
purple txt: "Doug went off somewhere with Lauren. I didn't try to follow him. / Eddy knows this city. He makes sure I don't get lost."
.28: THIS IS CONTENTMENT
green txt: "When they dropped us off at Prospect Park today, I was dreading what was sure to be awkwardness with Doug, after Isabelle's confession last night. No matter that Doug had no idea I knew - I tried to explain to Eddy, everything would be different now. I know how I can get so awkward, so quickly. But here's the thing - I wasn't. He bought me an ice cream, raspberry with vanilla, and I walked away. He caught up. Eddy and I trailed off, being bitchy, and he caught up. Suddenly it felt stupid to resent him, and more right to flop in the grassy fields ('off limits', but whatever - our best times are always out-of-bounds.') After Lauren and Isabelle left, it was just me and my boys, enjoying the sun and grass and Jack Johnson coming from my Ipod."
black txts: "Eddy knows what I'm up to, he always knows. But he doesn't judge or question - that's the beauty of Eddy. And when I need him to, he'll bitch about Lauren with me - nothing more than the truth, though."
"When you smile at me like that and shake your head, everything goes a little funny."
"Skylar and I like the same sort of music. I flirt with him a little too much, and only when Doug's looking. Today me and Sky made up our own language, to speak when Isabelle & Eddy start firing away in Spanish."
.29: WE SAT AND WATCHED THE DUCKS AWHILE
green/black txt: "We were supposed to go to this flower museum, or something, for the second half of the afternoon. When Erin walked by and saw how perfectly content we were, she winked and told us to stay put. We were more than happy to oblige, and passed the next 2 hours just as easily. / I've never been the 'guy's girl' at home, so why start now? But it seems like I'm only happy here, only myself, with my boys."
.30: IT'S A FRENCH THING
blue txt: "Tonight is the rally and spirits are high. We, the proud French, met for an hour to discuss our plan. Camille actually benefitted the group for once by being a Texan cheerleader, and got the faux-French blood in our bodies pumping to a whole new level. Skylar had us all cracking up with his enthusiastic French rap. 'Bonjour' is the extent of my French, but that didn't matter when Sky depicted all of us in our glory - Loud Lauren, Chic Eddy, Comical 'Fangy B'. We knew already that no one would find it funny but us, which only brought us closer. / I stepped up to organize us, although this time the yelling-over-each-other was enthusiastic, not violent. Isabelle taught us "ale le blu" and when we stormed the stage, we were louder than them all. We're used to loud, but this time we were proud."
.31: AND SO WE MEET AGAIN, MY FRIEND (I guess we both had to grow up sometime)
black txt: "I ditched the MoMA today and went to meet Mat at a diner down the street, where we ordered choco chip pancakes and talked about everything except for how we've changed. / I had been expecting awkward silences, but what I got was so much worse - easy laughter and nostalgia, reminders of a time when I was never awkward at all. What am I doing here?"
.32: I'M TOO TIRED TO FIGHT TO SURVIVE IN THIS CITY
blue txt: "When my Ipod runs out of juice, I share Eddy's. I feel safe, sleeping on his chest, knowing we both hear the same melodies. / We were in an Elliot Smith mood today. / This city is so big, but our world is small and warm."
.33: DEVELOPMENT
purple/black/black/green/dark green: "Eddy and I chose the development commission so we could be together. These meetings go on forever, and we're all starting to miss LGMs. I know development is important, but it feels like we're just spouting bullshit. / Jose Maria is Katie's friend. He's Portugese and gorgeous! He kissed my hand when we were first introduced. / Jose Maria is full of bullshit! He talks and talks and doesn't say anything at all. I call him on it. I don't think he likes me very much. / Christiana is great. She cracks up at really inappropriate moments, and then slaps her hand over her mouth like she's embarrassed, but I know she's not. / These meetings bore us so much. We waste time by passing notes and proclaiming our love for 'our' home country, France."
.34: TODAY I GUIDED FRANCE TO VICTORY
green txt: "When it came down to negotiations time, we were back to France, back to our relative comfort - and this thing that has become our family. It came time to elect 'Head Negotiator' and although something inside me purred, I hushed it quickly, prepared to step back as I've been doing so much lately. But then Isabelle nominated me, Azhar seconded it when he recalled the ferocious notes I scribbed during our first simulation, and then they elected me. / They chose me over Eddy, Christiana, Doug and Megan, and that was all it took to remind me I deserved this."
.35: THEY'RE ALL CALLING MY NAME
green txt: And then I found my place, the source of calm amidst the chaos, knowing just which counties' ties were strong and just what buttons to press. And just like that, the leader in me roared. It just took some coaxing to get her out of hiding. I love when they called my name, 5 of them at once, shouting their accomplishments or desperately seeking the right answer. I loved surveying them, my team of brilliant minds. And then, suddenly, I fit right in, not as the sheep but as their leader."
.36: SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE PICTURE. IT WAS ONLY JUST STARTING TO DEVELOP.
.37: APPARENTLY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO FALL ASLEEP DURING THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.
.38: THIS IS IT
.39: WE'VE SOLVED GLOBAL ISSUES IN JUST TWO WEEKS
black txt: "It takes forver to get through the security and on into the UN building, and our stomachs are filling with anticipation all the while. There's no more 'winging it', no more bullshitting our answers - this summit will take place in one of the UN's real conference rooms, and it is as real as they come. We've heard that they are taping us to send to the UN, as a record of the 'youth's input', or that UN workers will be sitting in the back rows, watching. I don't know about that, but I do know this is real to US, no matter if it doesn't immediately make a difference in the world - just the facts of all of us coming together in diplomacy, despite our varied backgrounds, to find resolutions to some of the world's toughest challenges - it proves that there IS hope for tomorrow, no matter how corny that sounded when they told us the first day. When we file into the room, opinions don't immediately start flying like they usually do - this is not a time for chaos. This is a time for the order that we've worked so hard to achieve. Positions are stated, clearly and concisely, although no minds are changed, and we vote quickly and decidedly on each issue. The tough stuff is behind us, really. We're taking this seriously, but we're also basking in our accomplishments thus far. As we raise our hands to vote, as France, I realize - finally, we are one country."
.40
black txt: "Sierra Leone has been getting on the bus several minutes after us lately. Despite my frequent glances, the straining of my neck, I can't help it when Eddy and I plant ourselves near the back and Doug and Lauren grab seats at the front when they board. It'd be ridiculous to wait for him, right? But today, on our long and rainy ride from the UN, Doug kept text-messaging me to come to the front. I refused, using Eddy's cold as an excuse ('I have to keep him company') - I just couldn't be around her. I'm not up to this jealous fight. Instead, I thoroughly enjoyed my ride with Eddy, in deep discussions of art and classes. He's so insightful, we never run out of things to say."
.41
black txt: "We get back to campus with 45 minutes left to change, so I sprint to Katie's room and throw on my new white dress from Bloomingdale's. I look good, though I'm not sure it matters anymore. It's raining as I take my now-usual seat next to Eddy on the bus, and it will only rain harder as the night goes on. I decide not to worry where Doug is, and what's going on, and enjoy my last night with France. Skylar throws me his tie and announces I'm his date, and we head to the dance floor with Eddy, Christine, Nikhil, Joe and Veronica. Nik is the life of the party, showing me and Christine some crazy moves on the second, international-music floor, and I get caught up with Latin fever dancing salsa with Eddy. This is nice, I belong here. And then I see him - without her. He grins at me as the music turns slow and takes my hand, pulling me close as the lights of the harbor flash outside. But over my shoulder, Lauren is watching, glaring, whispering things to her table. As the dance ends, I don't look forward to her revenge. / She takes his arm and yanks him away, treating him like property - and I'm too tired to fight back."
.42: AND IT WILL BE THE FACES I'LL REMEMBER
black txt: "Our little group gathered for the last time in Conference room 6 this morning, late and scattered and half-packed. I curled up on Eddy's chest and looked at all the faces I had not known 2 weeks earlier. In the midst of 'France' anecdotes, group pictures and 'warm fuzzies' (Erin's idea), leaving wasn't real until Nikhil suddenly stood, cleared his throat. By the time he was through, tears were streaming down ALL of our faces. And in that moment, our faces looked exactly the same.
purple/green/purple/green: "'As a filmaker, I'm always looking for the stories in everyones' lives. The stories of our lives are beautiful, and they wove together for some time. Now that those stories are diverging, my greatest wish would be to follow each one of you are your paths go wonderful places. And I have no doubt we'll meet again someday...'"
.43: TWO WEEKS LATER, WE'RE PREPARED FOR ANY CHALLENGE - EXCEPT LEAVING
green txt: "Katie and I had 4 1/2 long hours at the airport to cry, crack up and reflect on what went wrong, and what went so right."
.44
.45
.46: I'LL SEE Y'ALL ON THE MOON
X-posted in jr__nal.