(no subject)
Wow...
I just saw pictures of a girl that I could've swore for a second was Paula. The pictures kind of suggest the girl in these pictures is a stripper..or at least one of those "hoochie" models.
It kind of fucked with me, because she became obscure from me like 3 years or so ago..and I only got the chance to talk to her once since then. As far as I knew she was still going off to college to become a marine biologist. I miss her a lot. She kind of set the "standard" for my "archetypal girl", if you will. My first love ^_^
You know..I look back on Paula, Mia, Brittney. I'm just happy I had the experience you know? I've shared some of the best and worst moments/memories/thoughts of my lives with the three mentioned, and I'm just thankful for the times we shared together.
It'd be nice if me and Brittney ended up with something together, but uh..right now I just want her love and friendship. I think it's time for me to start doing me for now..make this easier on the both of us. I wont say "it's over", because I don't believe that..it's just..I'm not going to try and make it more than what it is anymore..or more than what the circumstances permit. She wants to be just friends for now, and that's what it must be for now..I respect her and what she wants in life. It's time for Paqui to do his "thang" though, enjoy life, just work at all my goals, and do everything as good and big as I can.
Who knows what the future holds? Who knows what it holds for me, for Brittney, for a relationship together (whatever it may be..even if it only remains best friends..it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship. Maybe that's just not what we were meant to be..or maybe it is but not right now..I don't know). Who knows where me, Britt, or any of my loved ones will be a month, year, or YEARS from now. One thing is for certain though..life always has a way of surprising me with new good things.
So..I'll keep ramblin on. Now more improved, educated, etc. Smarter, stronger, and wiser. I learn as I go along, learn to be a better me. It's a challenge, but I love being challenged and I've always been the type of person that taunts any opposition with a "bring it on" type attitude.
However, it still troubles me that the reasoning as to why I remained the opposite of the biggest and most true part of me for 3-4 months escapes me. I understand it in a way, and see some reasoning behind it. The overthinking, the insecurities, the paranoia, the idealism, the anxiety, the feelings of inadequecy..I understand the reasoning but not the full explanation. It is ok though, it has shown me things I needed to know, and as long as I know the reasoning..I can learn to forgive myself for it.
and with a deep breathe and relieved sigh, I ramble on. With my passion, compassion, intellect, mind, spirit, optimism, personality, warmth, and all else in-tact..I rammmmble on.
Yeah..I'm ready to do this. Whatever THIS is.
I just saw pictures of a girl that I could've swore for a second was Paula. The pictures kind of suggest the girl in these pictures is a stripper..or at least one of those "hoochie" models.
It kind of fucked with me, because she became obscure from me like 3 years or so ago..and I only got the chance to talk to her once since then. As far as I knew she was still going off to college to become a marine biologist. I miss her a lot. She kind of set the "standard" for my "archetypal girl", if you will. My first love ^_^
You know..I look back on Paula, Mia, Brittney. I'm just happy I had the experience you know? I've shared some of the best and worst moments/memories/thoughts of my lives with the three mentioned, and I'm just thankful for the times we shared together.
It'd be nice if me and Brittney ended up with something together, but uh..right now I just want her love and friendship. I think it's time for me to start doing me for now..make this easier on the both of us. I wont say "it's over", because I don't believe that..it's just..I'm not going to try and make it more than what it is anymore..or more than what the circumstances permit. She wants to be just friends for now, and that's what it must be for now..I respect her and what she wants in life. It's time for Paqui to do his "thang" though, enjoy life, just work at all my goals, and do everything as good and big as I can.
Who knows what the future holds? Who knows what it holds for me, for Brittney, for a relationship together (whatever it may be..even if it only remains best friends..it doesn't have to be a romantic relationship. Maybe that's just not what we were meant to be..or maybe it is but not right now..I don't know). Who knows where me, Britt, or any of my loved ones will be a month, year, or YEARS from now. One thing is for certain though..life always has a way of surprising me with new good things.
So..I'll keep ramblin on. Now more improved, educated, etc. Smarter, stronger, and wiser. I learn as I go along, learn to be a better me. It's a challenge, but I love being challenged and I've always been the type of person that taunts any opposition with a "bring it on" type attitude.
However, it still troubles me that the reasoning as to why I remained the opposite of the biggest and most true part of me for 3-4 months escapes me. I understand it in a way, and see some reasoning behind it. The overthinking, the insecurities, the paranoia, the idealism, the anxiety, the feelings of inadequecy..I understand the reasoning but not the full explanation. It is ok though, it has shown me things I needed to know, and as long as I know the reasoning..I can learn to forgive myself for it.
and with a deep breathe and relieved sigh, I ramble on. With my passion, compassion, intellect, mind, spirit, optimism, personality, warmth, and all else in-tact..I rammmmble on.
Yeah..I'm ready to do this. Whatever THIS is.