Wow. Sooo long ago.
It has been so long since I last posted on here! I can't believe I even remembered my user name and password. I am just looking back on my past journal entries. It's interesting to see, as time passes, I am still a complete idiot. I'm still working at Daniel's, but I have actually gone back to school to MCC. I only have 2 more classes and 2 more semesters left and I will officially have a certificate in medical transcription. After winter semester, I will hopefully be able to start putting in applications and fanning out my resume. I do NOT want to spend another July 4th in that hot ass kitchen. I am living in Hesperia still. I like the duplex I rent. I walked away from the house Chris and I bought 3 years ago. A year ago today I said yes to a man named Jesus Olivas. Our relationship is far from perfect, but everyday we wake up and we choose each other. We choose to live for and with each other. I don't believe that he'll ask me to marry him any time soon. I'm not sure what I'd say if he did. I find it's hard for me to really place myself in that position even in theory. I just don't know if I will ever find someone that I will want to be with for the rest of my life and be satisfied in that relationship. I don't know if it's possible for someone to want that with me either. I am absolutely crazy. I do long to have that bond with someone. If I am not going to be with Jesus, I hope that I can find a man that wants a family soon. If that's even in the cards for me! I just don't know. I am still unsure if having children is what I want to begin with. I can hardly be there for Jesus' kids. I do try and I want to be important to them, I just am unsure if it's what I should want to do. It'll be Christmas soon. I'm sort of looking forward to its passing. I find it hard to have any excitement for the holidays anymore. It always seems more stressful than enjoyable anymore. I think the integral family members that kept us all glued together, have passed. So hard to be happy with people you can barely stand to be around anymore. I do realize that I am luckier than most to have both of my parents here with me. Even if all they are doing is seeing me FAIL miserably at life. I want to be better. I want to make them see I am not a loser and that I will be someone to be proud of. I want to take care of them and I want them to be happy for me and for themselves. I have been so lucky in the last couple of years to have made good contact with Lisa Alvey. I am so happy she and I can just pick back up from where we left off in high school. It is a great comfort to me to be able to call her a friend. I may go on vacation this year. My "little brother" Brad Schooley is going to bring me out to Pittsburgh to visit him in his new place. He has just gotten a job for Microsoft and is doing quite well for himself. I am so proud of him and all of his achievements. He deserves all the best. He's worked so hard to get where he is. I hope he continues to rise to the top. I think this is enough for now...