I'm breaking down.
With little more than three weeks left before my first final exam this semester, I'm breaking down.
The past week has been so frustrating. Balikbayan relatives. Parents who baby me incessantly. My own reprehensible lack of independence and utter helplessness. Teachers who make us feel like slugs, or even lower life-forms. Groupmates. Oblicon homework. Random errands. Money. Dogs. Household help. Lack of driver, lack of car.
Sometimes I just want to crawl into a hole and die.
This is one of those times.
It's almost 1AM and I haven't read anything for my classes later. Fuck my life.
I wish I were independent, really; that's the heart of the thing.
I've decided not to sleep tonight because, well, the wee hours of the morning are the hours when
the television sets are off,
everyone's asleep,
Lola won't be asking me random stuff and
I won't feel obliged to talk to her because I don't talk to her often enough,
there are no balikbayans or random people in my house,
the dogs are quiet, and
there are no other family obligations.
I feel like a zombie. And I will be one, later, in school. I hate feeling this way.
What would it be like to live on my own? I wonder if I'd be any happier. Maybe I could be. Maybe I could lock out all the noise.
The past week has been so frustrating. Balikbayan relatives. Parents who baby me incessantly. My own reprehensible lack of independence and utter helplessness. Teachers who make us feel like slugs, or even lower life-forms. Groupmates. Oblicon homework. Random errands. Money. Dogs. Household help. Lack of driver, lack of car.
Sometimes I just want to crawl into a hole and die.
This is one of those times.
It's almost 1AM and I haven't read anything for my classes later. Fuck my life.
I wish I were independent, really; that's the heart of the thing.
I've decided not to sleep tonight because, well, the wee hours of the morning are the hours when
the television sets are off,
everyone's asleep,
Lola won't be asking me random stuff and
I won't feel obliged to talk to her because I don't talk to her often enough,
there are no balikbayans or random people in my house,
the dogs are quiet, and
there are no other family obligations.
I feel like a zombie. And I will be one, later, in school. I hate feeling this way.
What would it be like to live on my own? I wonder if I'd be any happier. Maybe I could be. Maybe I could lock out all the noise.