2007, God, life.
2007 was a great year, most deafinatly the best year of my life so far. But this year will be even better. So much has happened in the space of a year. I've changed so much. It hasn't always been easy, there have been some really hard, and even painful times, but they all turned out served a purpose or were part of moving on and dealing with stuff (always good, not always pleasant). I've really experienced the truth of the verse 'in all things God works for the best of those who love him.
For anyone who doesn't know, I've been studying at a Christian School of Ministry in a place called Horsham. I'm not too sure how best to describe what we do there, it is a time of equipping and training for life, to be effective both within a Church context and outside of Church. Its a time of encountering God and growing in relationship with him, developing faith, learning to love God and others, and embrace and move into his call and purposes.
For some time I had huge issues with God being a him. Because of issues being scared of men I held God at arms length. I loved him deeply but couldn't fully express that or, more importantly, let him love me. But in his gentleness and kindness he waited for me to be ready, whilst he worked on my heart by his love. It sounds kind of odd to describe it, it's such a personal thing. One thing I've really learnt is that God knows me and understands me fully, he is actually the only one who can fully understand. And such a marvel it is to know that he fully understands! I don't even have to try to explain to him what I'm going through, but simply come to my loving heavenly Father and ask for help. And when my heart is right with him he never fails to give it.
I was already quite free when I started the course. I was free from the depression, SI, ED, and 95% from the behaviours. But I've gone through a lot of stuff on the men issue. I didn't realise just how badly the sexual abuse, "date rape", and abusive relationships had affected me. God's been so good and so patient with me, helping me through and setting me free from all the pain and trauma. Teaching me a new way to cope - going to him and letting him carry me. It was really painful for a while, I felt like I was being ripped apart, dealing with phobias and fears and flashbacks and guilt and forgiving and so on. But every step of the way, every minute of the pain he has been there. reassuring me that he will never leave me or forsake me. I've been really fortunate to have had a couple really understanding lady Pastors who I could go to, but I've only seen them maybe ten times at most. Most of the healing and liberating has come directly from God - in meeting him in times of worship and prayer, in allowing him to put his finger on stuff and sort it out. And the awesome thing is that with God it doesn't take a load of going back over the past. It can be just one word, one scripture, one picture or dream, and some wrong thing is broken and life and peace come in. "You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free".
I'm still a work in progress. There have been so many other things that God has dealt with in me. Living in a small residential community, sharing rooms, with a dynamic of Christian love can raise some challenges! You really meet yourself and realise what you are like, and you really meet other people and learn how to love them where they are at and not where you think they should be. It's awesome. I've made such good friends. I've never really had friends like this before. I always used to be so scared of people, the only people I would talk to were on-line. Now I can pretty much talk to anyone, whether I know them or not. It's so liberating.
I'm whole. I'm free. I'm literally a new person. I know where home is, where I belong. I'm accepted and loved. My deep desire now is to help other people find that.
>>> Picture of Bobbie (Need hair styling more help! Photo doesn't show the hair very well actually. I've got highlights now which make it look so much better. Thinking about maybe getting it cut shorter too.)
For anyone who doesn't know, I've been studying at a Christian School of Ministry in a place called Horsham. I'm not too sure how best to describe what we do there, it is a time of equipping and training for life, to be effective both within a Church context and outside of Church. Its a time of encountering God and growing in relationship with him, developing faith, learning to love God and others, and embrace and move into his call and purposes.
For some time I had huge issues with God being a him. Because of issues being scared of men I held God at arms length. I loved him deeply but couldn't fully express that or, more importantly, let him love me. But in his gentleness and kindness he waited for me to be ready, whilst he worked on my heart by his love. It sounds kind of odd to describe it, it's such a personal thing. One thing I've really learnt is that God knows me and understands me fully, he is actually the only one who can fully understand. And such a marvel it is to know that he fully understands! I don't even have to try to explain to him what I'm going through, but simply come to my loving heavenly Father and ask for help. And when my heart is right with him he never fails to give it.
I was already quite free when I started the course. I was free from the depression, SI, ED, and 95% from the behaviours. But I've gone through a lot of stuff on the men issue. I didn't realise just how badly the sexual abuse, "date rape", and abusive relationships had affected me. God's been so good and so patient with me, helping me through and setting me free from all the pain and trauma. Teaching me a new way to cope - going to him and letting him carry me. It was really painful for a while, I felt like I was being ripped apart, dealing with phobias and fears and flashbacks and guilt and forgiving and so on. But every step of the way, every minute of the pain he has been there. reassuring me that he will never leave me or forsake me. I've been really fortunate to have had a couple really understanding lady Pastors who I could go to, but I've only seen them maybe ten times at most. Most of the healing and liberating has come directly from God - in meeting him in times of worship and prayer, in allowing him to put his finger on stuff and sort it out. And the awesome thing is that with God it doesn't take a load of going back over the past. It can be just one word, one scripture, one picture or dream, and some wrong thing is broken and life and peace come in. "You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free".
I'm still a work in progress. There have been so many other things that God has dealt with in me. Living in a small residential community, sharing rooms, with a dynamic of Christian love can raise some challenges! You really meet yourself and realise what you are like, and you really meet other people and learn how to love them where they are at and not where you think they should be. It's awesome. I've made such good friends. I've never really had friends like this before. I always used to be so scared of people, the only people I would talk to were on-line. Now I can pretty much talk to anyone, whether I know them or not. It's so liberating.
I'm whole. I'm free. I'm literally a new person. I know where home is, where I belong. I'm accepted and loved. My deep desire now is to help other people find that.
>>> Picture of Bobbie (Need hair styling more help! Photo doesn't show the hair very well actually. I've got highlights now which make it look so much better. Thinking about maybe getting it cut shorter too.)
