Ch. 3
I carefully opened my front door and as quietly as I could I slid in. I shut the door without a sound and tip toed to my bed room. The house was dark and felt empty. This was not because it was night and everyone was asleep. It was always very dark and very empty now. It had always been relatively dark, but never empty. At one time this house was full of music and laughter and stand up comics on the television and big stories told over glasses of wine. At one time this house was a home.
I peeled off my clothes and tossed them into my hamper. I slid into my bed wearing nothing but my underwear and bra. My cool sheets felt good against my hot skin, still surprised from that nights activities. I sighed. I always thought it would be so much more, but as it turned out-it was just sex. I knew of course that at some point it wouldn't hurt, that at some point it would be fun. I knew that at some point I would be able to enjoy it as much as Jeramy, but it all felt empty now. It was just like everything else. I once had this fantasy of what my first kiss would be like. When I kissed Jeramy for the first time it fell just short. I pushed away that fantasy though, because I liked Jeramy, and I liked kissing him. His tongue always caught me off guard and made me giggle in the middle of kissing. He never got mad at me though, because I read him an article from Cosmo that said it meant that I was comfortable with him. When he asked if I was ready to go further, I thought perhaps it would be something amazing. That we would have this magical connection that would just make the world go away, but to follow suite of the kiss, it fell just short. He was very good with his fingers, but I never fully enjoyed myself anyways. I had a hard time letting go of this fantasy. And now this, I had been let down by my little fantasies again.
As I turned over, letting the sheets warm up with me, I decided I was done with fantasies.
I peeled off my clothes and tossed them into my hamper. I slid into my bed wearing nothing but my underwear and bra. My cool sheets felt good against my hot skin, still surprised from that nights activities. I sighed. I always thought it would be so much more, but as it turned out-it was just sex. I knew of course that at some point it wouldn't hurt, that at some point it would be fun. I knew that at some point I would be able to enjoy it as much as Jeramy, but it all felt empty now. It was just like everything else. I once had this fantasy of what my first kiss would be like. When I kissed Jeramy for the first time it fell just short. I pushed away that fantasy though, because I liked Jeramy, and I liked kissing him. His tongue always caught me off guard and made me giggle in the middle of kissing. He never got mad at me though, because I read him an article from Cosmo that said it meant that I was comfortable with him. When he asked if I was ready to go further, I thought perhaps it would be something amazing. That we would have this magical connection that would just make the world go away, but to follow suite of the kiss, it fell just short. He was very good with his fingers, but I never fully enjoyed myself anyways. I had a hard time letting go of this fantasy. And now this, I had been let down by my little fantasies again.
As I turned over, letting the sheets warm up with me, I decided I was done with fantasies.