Clothes
So since I'm not allowed within some 50 yards or so of my apartment, I have like 2 pairs of pants and 2 shirts and like 5 sweaters. gee thanks blair for getting me all those clothes I needed.
I'm sooo tired, and I don't want to fight, but I'm too damned stubborn to stay down. The thing that pisses me off the most lately is that Blair has never mentioned in her LJ the countless times she'd hit me or put holes in our walls, or break things of mine to make me angry, or rip up a lab notebook that can't be replaced which I spent over 60 hours working on, or how she would cut my power cords to practically everything I owned. Suddenly I'm a villain. I just want a bullet in the stomach right now, I'd just watch it bleed and then I'd have good reason to scream out.
How do you go up to a college professor and say "Oh, I missed class Monday because my girlfriend had me arrested- but I'm totally innocent, just thought you should know..." or "Sorry I missed lab tuesday morning because I had to get permission from the county sheriff's office to be on a campus where someone with a restraining order may be while I'm there."
Until you've appeared in front of a judge in stripes and shackles in front of someone you never show any weakness to, you've never been humbled. Until you eat meals off nasty trays sitting on a stainless steel toilet, you don't know how good fucking porcelain lids are.
While I was sitting in jail, the poeple all around me were talking about how they pulled a gun on somebody, or how they stole a car, or how the cop found all their residue in their bong, or how they had a backpack full of fake i.d.'s. I never belonged in handcuffs, I never belonged in a cinderblock hut with one cellmate that speaks only broken english and one who just stares at me while I sleep then clears his throat obnoxiously to spit over me into the toilet I was sleeping next to.
God hates me and he hates the whole fucking world.
I'm sooo tired, and I don't want to fight, but I'm too damned stubborn to stay down. The thing that pisses me off the most lately is that Blair has never mentioned in her LJ the countless times she'd hit me or put holes in our walls, or break things of mine to make me angry, or rip up a lab notebook that can't be replaced which I spent over 60 hours working on, or how she would cut my power cords to practically everything I owned. Suddenly I'm a villain. I just want a bullet in the stomach right now, I'd just watch it bleed and then I'd have good reason to scream out.
How do you go up to a college professor and say "Oh, I missed class Monday because my girlfriend had me arrested- but I'm totally innocent, just thought you should know..." or "Sorry I missed lab tuesday morning because I had to get permission from the county sheriff's office to be on a campus where someone with a restraining order may be while I'm there."
Until you've appeared in front of a judge in stripes and shackles in front of someone you never show any weakness to, you've never been humbled. Until you eat meals off nasty trays sitting on a stainless steel toilet, you don't know how good fucking porcelain lids are.
While I was sitting in jail, the poeple all around me were talking about how they pulled a gun on somebody, or how they stole a car, or how the cop found all their residue in their bong, or how they had a backpack full of fake i.d.'s. I never belonged in handcuffs, I never belonged in a cinderblock hut with one cellmate that speaks only broken english and one who just stares at me while I sleep then clears his throat obnoxiously to spit over me into the toilet I was sleeping next to.
God hates me and he hates the whole fucking world.