Another week, another cry...
I can't get away from my past. Recently, I helped Ms. Hatch host the Region 3 Academic Decathlon Meet at the high school. I was in the back helping Rick Hopkins score all the tests, posting the scores, assembling the packets for the teams, and making sure there were no errors in the grading. I thought I was doing it because I was helping out Ms. Hatch. But I found myself with the TM Acadec team during one of the breaks, just sitting there. After the break was over and the team left the room, I divulged some scores to Moore and Knezek. After going back to the scoring, I sat back down to my work, scanning an insane amount of scantrons.
Pretty soon, the Super Quiz Relay began to creep up. I almost left right then and there. I told those around me that I would feel stupid not knowing any of the questions that came up on the overhead.
That wasn't the real reason, though. I would have wanted to sit down in the TM team row. I would have wanted to cheer my teammates on. I would have wanted to go sit by some random coach and hear that phrase "Pencils up!" 5 times. I would have wanted to agonize over how close our score was to Alice's. (Well ... I did that anyway.) I would have wanted to celebrate with my team after we got our 2nd place medals.
But I went to the Relay anyway. I stood by Knezek and tried to answer some of the questions, getting 17/45 right. Most of them were complete guesses, but I knew maybe 3 or 4. There was one moment where I regretted going to the Relay, though. When it was Sara's turn at bat, I was commenting on how she was trying to get the TM crowd to cheer. Knezek turned to me and said, "She's doing it because it could be her last Relay." or something to that effect. Those words almost made me break down and cry right then and there. A tear rolled down my eye and I struggled to keep my composure. When Sara got 5/5 correct, I almost cried again. I went and gave her a hug and almost cried again. I quickly left the gym before I could break down in tears.
After all was said and done, and the final Super Quiz scantrons were scanned, it was time for the awards ceremony. Our team got 2nd to Alice, of course. But Nicole got 1st in her division. Sara got 2nd, and Travis got 3rd. I feld so bad that Sara didn't get to share that same feeling I did when I won the first place at Regionals last year. Her 5/5 Relay feat was something even I hadn't done. I knew all this because I could peek at the scores. After making the speech notes for Mrs. Burnett, who was the Master of Ceremonies, I sat down at the Steering Committee table in the commons.
I quickly knew that lasting through the whole award ceremony without crying was going to be impossible. I acted like my phone was ringing and that my mom needed me back at home. I hugged Ms. Hatch and left the building. After calling mom and telling her that I was on my way home, I broke down and cried all the way home.
As I sit here typing this, I'm crying. Call me immature. Call me crazy. Call me oversensitive. I don't care. I miss studying with my teammates. I miss giving my speech over and over and over and over. I miss joking with Josh and teasing Eric about ... well ... being Eric. I miss the after school practices. I miss the overnight lock-ins. I miss Moore and Knezek. I miss Nicole, Eileen, Annie, Sara, Josh, Theron, and Eric.
I miss my family.
I seem to have a deep emotional attachment to almost anything related to my 4 years in high school, especially Decathlon. The 10 of us seemed to me more of a family than my actual family. My very personality was put together from every member of my team: the rigidity and formality of Eric, the randomness of Annie, the outspokenness of Sara, the quiet and reservation of Theron, the jokester in Josh, the creativeness of Nicole, and the gentleness and friendship of Eileen.
After actually not being in high school for a month or two, I started to feel alone and depressed. I missed being around my family. Now that college is in full swing, I'm seeing myself visit the high school as often as I can. I've even listened to the team's speeches a couple of times. I've even started to be a substitute teacher at the high school. These are just attempts by me to salvage what I had before I graduated. I'm even altering my future to stay at the high school. Instead of becoming a pharamcist, I'm becoming a math teacher.
I just can't let go of my past.
Pretty soon, the Super Quiz Relay began to creep up. I almost left right then and there. I told those around me that I would feel stupid not knowing any of the questions that came up on the overhead.
That wasn't the real reason, though. I would have wanted to sit down in the TM team row. I would have wanted to cheer my teammates on. I would have wanted to go sit by some random coach and hear that phrase "Pencils up!" 5 times. I would have wanted to agonize over how close our score was to Alice's. (Well ... I did that anyway.) I would have wanted to celebrate with my team after we got our 2nd place medals.
But I went to the Relay anyway. I stood by Knezek and tried to answer some of the questions, getting 17/45 right. Most of them were complete guesses, but I knew maybe 3 or 4. There was one moment where I regretted going to the Relay, though. When it was Sara's turn at bat, I was commenting on how she was trying to get the TM crowd to cheer. Knezek turned to me and said, "She's doing it because it could be her last Relay." or something to that effect. Those words almost made me break down and cry right then and there. A tear rolled down my eye and I struggled to keep my composure. When Sara got 5/5 correct, I almost cried again. I went and gave her a hug and almost cried again. I quickly left the gym before I could break down in tears.
After all was said and done, and the final Super Quiz scantrons were scanned, it was time for the awards ceremony. Our team got 2nd to Alice, of course. But Nicole got 1st in her division. Sara got 2nd, and Travis got 3rd. I feld so bad that Sara didn't get to share that same feeling I did when I won the first place at Regionals last year. Her 5/5 Relay feat was something even I hadn't done. I knew all this because I could peek at the scores. After making the speech notes for Mrs. Burnett, who was the Master of Ceremonies, I sat down at the Steering Committee table in the commons.
I quickly knew that lasting through the whole award ceremony without crying was going to be impossible. I acted like my phone was ringing and that my mom needed me back at home. I hugged Ms. Hatch and left the building. After calling mom and telling her that I was on my way home, I broke down and cried all the way home.
As I sit here typing this, I'm crying. Call me immature. Call me crazy. Call me oversensitive. I don't care. I miss studying with my teammates. I miss giving my speech over and over and over and over. I miss joking with Josh and teasing Eric about ... well ... being Eric. I miss the after school practices. I miss the overnight lock-ins. I miss Moore and Knezek. I miss Nicole, Eileen, Annie, Sara, Josh, Theron, and Eric.
I miss my family.
I seem to have a deep emotional attachment to almost anything related to my 4 years in high school, especially Decathlon. The 10 of us seemed to me more of a family than my actual family. My very personality was put together from every member of my team: the rigidity and formality of Eric, the randomness of Annie, the outspokenness of Sara, the quiet and reservation of Theron, the jokester in Josh, the creativeness of Nicole, and the gentleness and friendship of Eileen.
After actually not being in high school for a month or two, I started to feel alone and depressed. I missed being around my family. Now that college is in full swing, I'm seeing myself visit the high school as often as I can. I've even listened to the team's speeches a couple of times. I've even started to be a substitute teacher at the high school. These are just attempts by me to salvage what I had before I graduated. I'm even altering my future to stay at the high school. Instead of becoming a pharamcist, I'm becoming a math teacher.
I just can't let go of my past.