whenever I sit at my computer and try to get something done, i always seem contradict myself
Britt is in California... go her but that just reminds me that I wish that I had a vacation away from Swansea to look foward to... Im just a bit cynical and aggravated that my summer has been spent working 9-5 5 days a week - I am dead tired at work every day to the point where i take naps on my lunch hour because every second im not at work im out trying to make the best of summer and see friends - But it just sucks... I wish i had more time to relax, enjoy things, get things that need to be done accomplished... instead of time flying by. I just dont like knowing that im going to wake up the last week of august and say to myself 'WOW, summer went by so fast and you didnt do half of the things that you wanted to do..." It is inevitable that it will happen... and then School will start and I will be extremely poor again - not too mention stressed out because this will be the busiest/craziest semester of my life as of yet (im dreading it just a bit). I know everyone has this fantasy... but im going to say it anyway... lol. I WISH I COULD JUST PAUSE THE WORLD SOMETIMES!!!!! mostly because I HATE missing out on things & its impossible to find the time to do everything i want to do!!!!!! I neeeeed to work for obvious reasons (bills & my lifestyle) and I like work BUTTTT I hate missing out on Friends and Sleep and Doing more meaningful, productive things with my days instead of Insurance. lol. I want to get my school stuff done... and find time to read the list of books i havent touched, and i want to work on WMST ORG & psi chi... but how can i find time for that when i cant even find time to hang out with ALL the friends and find time for MYSELF! but instead i will continue to work all week and party all weekend and look back at my summer full of regrets. but im the asshole ranting in my livejournal about it on a sunday instead of doing something about it... so i supposed the blame can be pointed right back at myself. dont get me wrong... this summer has been a blast... but not at all what it needs to be and im not looking foward to facing up to the consequences of my choices. I have an image of my ideal self and then there is the actual Nichole of this summer. I dont know how much i love her. Let me know if you understand anything i ranted about... lol...
I do know that I worry about things too much. that im great at over reacting and that I spend more time analyzing situations rather then doing something about them. and lastly, i do know that i would like to change these things about me.
On a more optimistic note... MY BIRTHDAY IS IN 20 DAYS! YAY! I took the week off of work and am fully prepared to make the most of it in an assortment of different ways... join me!!