HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO ME.
Sam, Katrina and Vicki came over last night and gave me a couple of Birthday cards...at 12:03 in the morning. That rocked. Other than that, there's a lot of shit I'm trying like hell not to think of, but I do...hell...I dream about it now, and I think that I need to figure out what the hell is going on. I'm a little lost at the moment, but I'll climb my way out. I don't really know about anything anymore...but at least I quit drinking again. woohoo...sobered up the weekend before my birthday. That fucking blows.
I'm tired of feeling like shit. Everything I've gone through has made me feel fucking worthless again, and now, the only recourse I have is to pick my head up and pretend everything's ok. Fine...everything's okay...I'm fucking up, but it's all good, I wish I could just go to sleep for days, but it's fine, I wish I didn't wake up, but I'll be alright...
Why the hell can't I do anything right? Why the hell do I hurt so much? GODDAMMIT EVERYTHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY, AND INSTEAD IT'S ALL BULLSHIT.
I'm not feeling self pity or any of that bullshit, I just want some goddamn answers. Why do people care what I do, after I'm so hurt I can't stand up without shaking? Why do I feel guilty for things I've done after I gave up everything? Don't I deserve better than this?
So, today, I think I'm going to be all Emo and shit, just because I haven't allowed myself that bit of cowardace. I hate myself enough, I don't need to be constantly reminded that I'm a piece of shit.
I'm tired of being hit...about time I started throwing some punches of my own.
"twenty six years now, seems like I've just begun, to understand my, my intimite is no one."
I'm tired of feeling like shit. Everything I've gone through has made me feel fucking worthless again, and now, the only recourse I have is to pick my head up and pretend everything's ok. Fine...everything's okay...I'm fucking up, but it's all good, I wish I could just go to sleep for days, but it's fine, I wish I didn't wake up, but I'll be alright...
Why the hell can't I do anything right? Why the hell do I hurt so much? GODDAMMIT EVERYTHING WAS SUPPOSED TO BE OKAY, AND INSTEAD IT'S ALL BULLSHIT.
I'm not feeling self pity or any of that bullshit, I just want some goddamn answers. Why do people care what I do, after I'm so hurt I can't stand up without shaking? Why do I feel guilty for things I've done after I gave up everything? Don't I deserve better than this?
So, today, I think I'm going to be all Emo and shit, just because I haven't allowed myself that bit of cowardace. I hate myself enough, I don't need to be constantly reminded that I'm a piece of shit.
I'm tired of being hit...about time I started throwing some punches of my own.
"twenty six years now, seems like I've just begun, to understand my, my intimite is no one."