And now for something completely different...
Well, hmmm. Where was I?
Let's see.
Apparently I'm really on edge. Last Friday, that is, Jan. 21, I drank myself into amnesia during and after trivia. Frankly, I'm a little too old to be playing, "Let's Reconstruct The Evening!" I still don't know exactly everything that happened. Not a good thing. I'm not in jail, and everyone I live with is still talking to me, so I guess it can't have been too bad. It was however, quite disconcerting.
So, I'd let myself off with a, "Gee that was dumb." Except for the fact that it was clear to those who spoke with me later that, well, I was clearly strung out, got drunk and exploded. Or, as was put to me, "You really need to relax."
So, I have to ask, why am I so strung out?
Time. I have no time.
Everything I do has a time cost. I need to sleep a lot, about 8 hours or more per night sometimes. During the week, I work 8 hours per day, and, if I am working at the office that is further away, I travel 1.5 hours round trip. So, right off the bat, we're talking 17.5 hours per day, 5 days a week are shot. Which, for those of us playing at home, leaves 6.5 hours for everything else.
Weekdays, I spend an hour between when I retireve Mads and when iccubis and Eccentrica Galumbits get home. This means I get an hour of quality time with the kid, but not with any adults. I also have to focus most of my attention towards her during that time, as she needs to eat when we get home, and, well, you don't really want to leave a 2 year old unattended for too long.
So, that leaves 5.5 hours when my whole family is likely to be around on weekdays. (This is not exactly true, but I am making an engineering approximation.)
If I decide to go to the YMCA so that I don't turn into a lump of lard during the winter, that's somewhere between 1.5 or 2 hours. So, say that leaves 3.5 hours.
That's 3.5 - 5.5 hours that I have at home. On average it comes to about 21.5 hours per week. Really, that's not a lot. Not if you count a nice half-hour on the can to read a little. Not if you want to brush your teeth. Or read e-mail...or LiveJournal. Or spend a night playing D&D with your friends, or go to the Arc and play trivia.
It comes as such a shock that I am cherishing so much as 15 minutes to myself.
Pay the bills? I have to fit it in at lunch. Balance the checkbook? Has to wait for the weekend. Get the car washed? Clean the toilets? Return the beer bottles? (Only the screwtops. I know tenner and rockingrobin are collecting for their brewery.) Visit people? Walk the dog? Write Christmas Thank-You notes? Have sex? It has to get stolen from some other activity.
Weekends are sketchy. A lot of stuff can get done if I'm not taking a trip for the weekend. A lot of the time, however, weekends are spoken for. Sunday nights are the potlucks that can be my only external social interaction for a week. Saturday and early Sunday ends up being spent doing many of the things that are neglected during the week.
The thing that's going down the tubes is the me time. The time to rip a couple of CD's to mp3. The time to compile a new version of AbiWord that actually prints properly. The time to read a book. The time to reset my internal clock so I can process the things that are going on in my life with a reasonable degree of perspective. How can I prioritize things if everything comes at me with an equally high priority and it can't all be done?
Spending time with my family is a high priority.
Spending time with my friends is a high priority.
Going to work and performing well while there is a high priority.
Maintaining my physical fitness and health is a high priority.
Sleeping properly is a high priority.
Playing music is a high priority.
Reading and exercising my intellect is a high priority.
Chores around the house are a high priority.
Paying the bills and maintaining the house books is a high priority.
So, feeling nailed up against the wall by the priorities in my life, I had a few beers and cut loose, trying to escape it for a while. Escape I did, so well that most recollection of it escapes me.
I considered over the past week that I might become a teetotaler. However, it was suggested, and ultimately I agree, that the booze ain't the culprit. Mind you, it is a potent drug and could easily become a problem for someone in my situation and I need to be careful about it. More careful than I have been. This isn't college or grad school anymore.
One thing that I do not want to hear are suggestions on how to use my time more "efficiently." I think, at this point, my efficiency is maxxed out. In fact, I think what I am missing are the serene moments in the slack time when I am doing things inefficiently. There is something to be said for schlepping up and down Central Ave. to get a loaf of bread and a tank of gas, when you realize you need to go back from where you came to hit the ATM.
Maybe it says something that I work for the government, but I'm tired of being efficient with my time.
Let's see.
Apparently I'm really on edge. Last Friday, that is, Jan. 21, I drank myself into amnesia during and after trivia. Frankly, I'm a little too old to be playing, "Let's Reconstruct The Evening!" I still don't know exactly everything that happened. Not a good thing. I'm not in jail, and everyone I live with is still talking to me, so I guess it can't have been too bad. It was however, quite disconcerting.
So, I'd let myself off with a, "Gee that was dumb." Except for the fact that it was clear to those who spoke with me later that, well, I was clearly strung out, got drunk and exploded. Or, as was put to me, "You really need to relax."
So, I have to ask, why am I so strung out?
Time. I have no time.
Everything I do has a time cost. I need to sleep a lot, about 8 hours or more per night sometimes. During the week, I work 8 hours per day, and, if I am working at the office that is further away, I travel 1.5 hours round trip. So, right off the bat, we're talking 17.5 hours per day, 5 days a week are shot. Which, for those of us playing at home, leaves 6.5 hours for everything else.
Weekdays, I spend an hour between when I retireve Mads and when iccubis and Eccentrica Galumbits get home. This means I get an hour of quality time with the kid, but not with any adults. I also have to focus most of my attention towards her during that time, as she needs to eat when we get home, and, well, you don't really want to leave a 2 year old unattended for too long.
So, that leaves 5.5 hours when my whole family is likely to be around on weekdays. (This is not exactly true, but I am making an engineering approximation.)
If I decide to go to the YMCA so that I don't turn into a lump of lard during the winter, that's somewhere between 1.5 or 2 hours. So, say that leaves 3.5 hours.
That's 3.5 - 5.5 hours that I have at home. On average it comes to about 21.5 hours per week. Really, that's not a lot. Not if you count a nice half-hour on the can to read a little. Not if you want to brush your teeth. Or read e-mail...or LiveJournal. Or spend a night playing D&D with your friends, or go to the Arc and play trivia.
It comes as such a shock that I am cherishing so much as 15 minutes to myself.
Pay the bills? I have to fit it in at lunch. Balance the checkbook? Has to wait for the weekend. Get the car washed? Clean the toilets? Return the beer bottles? (Only the screwtops. I know tenner and rockingrobin are collecting for their brewery.) Visit people? Walk the dog? Write Christmas Thank-You notes? Have sex? It has to get stolen from some other activity.
Weekends are sketchy. A lot of stuff can get done if I'm not taking a trip for the weekend. A lot of the time, however, weekends are spoken for. Sunday nights are the potlucks that can be my only external social interaction for a week. Saturday and early Sunday ends up being spent doing many of the things that are neglected during the week.
The thing that's going down the tubes is the me time. The time to rip a couple of CD's to mp3. The time to compile a new version of AbiWord that actually prints properly. The time to read a book. The time to reset my internal clock so I can process the things that are going on in my life with a reasonable degree of perspective. How can I prioritize things if everything comes at me with an equally high priority and it can't all be done?
Spending time with my family is a high priority.
Spending time with my friends is a high priority.
Going to work and performing well while there is a high priority.
Maintaining my physical fitness and health is a high priority.
Sleeping properly is a high priority.
Playing music is a high priority.
Reading and exercising my intellect is a high priority.
Chores around the house are a high priority.
Paying the bills and maintaining the house books is a high priority.
So, feeling nailed up against the wall by the priorities in my life, I had a few beers and cut loose, trying to escape it for a while. Escape I did, so well that most recollection of it escapes me.
I considered over the past week that I might become a teetotaler. However, it was suggested, and ultimately I agree, that the booze ain't the culprit. Mind you, it is a potent drug and could easily become a problem for someone in my situation and I need to be careful about it. More careful than I have been. This isn't college or grad school anymore.
One thing that I do not want to hear are suggestions on how to use my time more "efficiently." I think, at this point, my efficiency is maxxed out. In fact, I think what I am missing are the serene moments in the slack time when I am doing things inefficiently. There is something to be said for schlepping up and down Central Ave. to get a loaf of bread and a tank of gas, when you realize you need to go back from where you came to hit the ATM.
Maybe it says something that I work for the government, but I'm tired of being efficient with my time.