Thanksgiving.
Ryan's birthday thing was on Friday. He was definitly surprised as fuck. Saturday started off okay, by 6:00 pm though, WW3 was about to erupt. Everything's better now. I'm having a hard time going to work. I've never been one to give up, but lately I feel like I'm ready to. I feel like I can't control it. I'm scared I'll give up on him. Like the feeling of regurgitating as it slowly creeps it's way up your esophagus and into the back of your throat. You can't stop it til it's already there. And by that time, you're already in bad shape. There are so many times I'll be in a crowded room with people that I generally consider my friends, and I'll feel like every single last one of them wants me to leave. I feel like the people that say they really care about me, only think of me when I'm actually sitting there staring them in the face. It's a sad but prevalent truth. Watching those comedic romance movies with the sappy endings always leave me wishing for someone like the boy in the movie. I'm always wishing for a girl that I can trust day in / day out to be there for me. To laugh with me. To get ready with me. I need to learn to be thankful for what I have. He may not look like Ryan Reynolds or Ashton Kutcher, but he's so damn sexy and he has the prettiest eyes I've ever seen on a boy. Ryan is better then the boys in the movies, because he's real. He isn't acting. No matter what happens, he supports me. He takes care of me. HE COOKS AND CLEANS FOR CHRIST SAKE. When my Mom first found out we were getting married, there were so many things she told me that I just shrugged off my shoulders. But now, I know why she said them. I swear, I have the most amazing Mom in the world. She knows everything and she knows when to say it. She tries not to lecture. She can be a bitch, but if she wasn't, where would I get it from? I have Avery too. She's such a good friend and I have so much fun with her. We just smoke and smoke and smoke and do the same thing everytime we hang out. But I know I can trust her and I can rely on her. I know she won't stab me in the back. I know she won't try to fuck my boyfriend if they hang out here alone all day or even all night. She's one of the best friends anyone could ask for. I think I need to stop worrying so much about making others happy, going out of my way to comfort those who wouldn't do the same for me. I need to start concentrating on the important things. I need to start going to work everyday like I'm supposed to. I've called in three times in the past two weeks.
This thanksgiving I'm going to be thankful that I am who I am. That I'm funny, smart, attractive and outgoing. I'm going to be thankful that I have pretty eyes and that my boyfriend falls in love with me all over again every day. I'm going to be thankful for Avery, and how she turns black when she smokes. I'm going to be thankful that my boyfriend is good in bed. I'm going to be thankful for blue and baby. I'm going to be thankful that Ryan although sometimes weak, he has a heart of gold and that although sometimes covered in steal, I have the heart of a lion. I'm going to be thankful for all the boys that have came and gone that paved the way. I'm going to be thankful for Carly and Lorel and be thankful it's been so easy becoming such good friends with them. They are both two of the most beautiful girls on the inside and out. I'm going to be thankful for my parents and all the help they've given me. I'm going to be thankful that I have made it this far. I'm going to be thankful that I have a good paying job. I'm going to be thankful for Jack and all the happiness he brings me and Ryan. I'm going to be thankful for life. For the beauty of it simplicities and the lessons of it's hardships. And I'm going to make a point to be thankful for at least one thing everyday from that day forward.
Life.
This thanksgiving I'm going to be thankful that I am who I am. That I'm funny, smart, attractive and outgoing. I'm going to be thankful that I have pretty eyes and that my boyfriend falls in love with me all over again every day. I'm going to be thankful for Avery, and how she turns black when she smokes. I'm going to be thankful that my boyfriend is good in bed. I'm going to be thankful for blue and baby. I'm going to be thankful that Ryan although sometimes weak, he has a heart of gold and that although sometimes covered in steal, I have the heart of a lion. I'm going to be thankful for all the boys that have came and gone that paved the way. I'm going to be thankful for Carly and Lorel and be thankful it's been so easy becoming such good friends with them. They are both two of the most beautiful girls on the inside and out. I'm going to be thankful for my parents and all the help they've given me. I'm going to be thankful that I have made it this far. I'm going to be thankful that I have a good paying job. I'm going to be thankful for Jack and all the happiness he brings me and Ryan. I'm going to be thankful for life. For the beauty of it simplicities and the lessons of it's hardships. And I'm going to make a point to be thankful for at least one thing everyday from that day forward.
Life.