In which he feels it is time to rant...
First off Es, I'm want to thank you for the subject style. Second off, as the LJ Icon suggests this carries a Parental Advisory Warning.
I want to start off by saying I am so fucking tired of Mike Langford. Mike Langford is an IT guy for AMC. He is a fucking idiot and I am over him. However, work has surprisingly not been the major issue in my life at the moment.
I have been doing some reflecting over the past day or so and want to thank my true friends (to be fair not everyone I know reads this, and honestly this is more of a post for me to blow off steam anyway). I have grown to realize, unfortunately some of the people I thought would be close to me for a very long time are much farther away from what I had thought. I don't know what can be done about that fucking situation. I really don't. I just want my fucking friends. I will be close to those that desire to be close to me. I've grown tired of trying to sustain friendships with those who do not try to return that favor.
I have been told that I should try to be happy. I wish that I could just say "Matt, Be happy" and that would work. I really, don't think that I will be happy until I hold "her" in my arms and know that "she" loves me. Who is this magical person, I don't have a fucking clue. Does this person exist? I hope. I won't dare say that I pray, because well, you all know. There's no point in me praying.
Back to the friendship thing. I don't really think that everyone understands how hard it is or my to let people close. I really don't want to trust anyone. I don't want to let you close. I am an emotional person, and can't be hurt if you can't reach my heart (that I wear on my sleeve). Oh, well. I had so much more that I wanted to say, but I decided to have a few drinks. I figured that I should enjoy the Monday Night Football game, and well that turned out to be lopsided at halftime (I should have just turned back on the 4th quarter since that's when it got interesting) so I just decided to drink more. Didn't help that my cousin came home so I didn't feel guilty drinking.
I plan on following this up tomorrow with a much clearer post. I refuse to delete this drunk, tired, fucking rant.
I want to start off by saying I am so fucking tired of Mike Langford. Mike Langford is an IT guy for AMC. He is a fucking idiot and I am over him. However, work has surprisingly not been the major issue in my life at the moment.
I have been doing some reflecting over the past day or so and want to thank my true friends (to be fair not everyone I know reads this, and honestly this is more of a post for me to blow off steam anyway). I have grown to realize, unfortunately some of the people I thought would be close to me for a very long time are much farther away from what I had thought. I don't know what can be done about that fucking situation. I really don't. I just want my fucking friends. I will be close to those that desire to be close to me. I've grown tired of trying to sustain friendships with those who do not try to return that favor.
I have been told that I should try to be happy. I wish that I could just say "Matt, Be happy" and that would work. I really, don't think that I will be happy until I hold "her" in my arms and know that "she" loves me. Who is this magical person, I don't have a fucking clue. Does this person exist? I hope. I won't dare say that I pray, because well, you all know. There's no point in me praying.
Back to the friendship thing. I don't really think that everyone understands how hard it is or my to let people close. I really don't want to trust anyone. I don't want to let you close. I am an emotional person, and can't be hurt if you can't reach my heart (that I wear on my sleeve). Oh, well. I had so much more that I wanted to say, but I decided to have a few drinks. I figured that I should enjoy the Monday Night Football game, and well that turned out to be lopsided at halftime (I should have just turned back on the 4th quarter since that's when it got interesting) so I just decided to drink more. Didn't help that my cousin came home so I didn't feel guilty drinking.
I plan on following this up tomorrow with a much clearer post. I refuse to delete this drunk, tired, fucking rant.