Love Hangover - Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff One-Shot
“I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry, Adam,” Tommy murmured. Every single one of his words hurt Adam like someone was stabbing a knife into his heart.
Tommy had called about half an hour ago and asked Adam to come over to talk to him about something important. Now here they were standing in the hallway of Adam’s house.
“What exactly are you talking about?” Adam asked quietly, looking Tommy directly in the eye. Of course he could guess what Tommy wanted to say, but he had to hear it from him to be able to really believe that Tommy was kinda breaking up with him - if you could say that. They were not exactly dating but they had this thing going on.
“This ‘friends with benefits’-relationship we’re having,” Tommy replied, looking down at the floor. He seemed to be pretty nervous, his fingers playing with the hem of his sweatshirt.
Tommy’s words hurt like hell and Adam was damn glad he had awesome acting skills. Otherwise, Tommy would have definitely noticed that Adam’s ideal little world was breaking into pieces right now.
They’d started making out after the concert in Auckland - Tommy’s birthday concert. After the show they’d been sitting in Adam’s dressing room - only the two of them - joking around, tickling each other, and all of sudden they’d started kissing. Adam didn’t even remember who’d started that first kiss but within minutes they’d been touching each other and jerking each other off. At first Adam had felt bad because he’d wanted Tommy since the moment he had first laid eyes on him and he felt like he’d taken advantage of him in this very moment, but Tommy had told him that everything was fine and how much he had enjoyed being so close to him.
Afterwards they’d had a long talk about how to handle the whole situation and had decided together that since they had enjoyed themselves that if it happened again it wouldn’t be weird between them. Over the time they had begun to think of their relationship as “friends with benefits” with no serious feelings involved. It was certainly not about being in love with each other.
But that was months ago and a lot had changed since then, at least for Adam. The closer he and Tommy became the more Adam fell in love with him. First, it had just been just a little crush, but now he loved him with all of his heart. He’d even been planning to tell Tommy and now Tommy was ending what they had - just like that.
It felt like an eternity before Adam gathered himself enough to react to Tommy’s words which were still hanging in the air.
“Why?” he asked calmly, looking at Tommy who finally looked back at him.
“Because I fell in love,” Tommy answered.
Until then Adam had thought Tommy couldn’t hurt him anymore than he already had, but in that very moment his heart shattered into pieces.
“I see,” he finally managed to say, taking a deep breath.
Tommy stared at him with a pained look. “That’s all you have to say?” he asked, biting his bottom lip. He seemed slightly upset, and Adam didn’t exactly know what he’d done wrong but he managed to get himself together and put a fake smile on his lips.
“No, I’m sorry. It’s just... very surprising, you know. But of course it’s great news, Tommy. I’m happy for you, truly happy. If someone deserves this, it’s you.” He took a step forward and pulled Tommy into his arms, feeling Tommy tense for a second or two, but then Tommy wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist and returned the embrace.
Adam had no idea how long they were standing there like that, tangled together, but eventually Tommy let loose and took a step back.
“I have to go now. I’m meeting someone,” Adam heard him say. He nodded absently, trying not to show Tommy how sad he was and judging by Tommy’s smile, he did a damn fine job. Again he was glad that he could act like that even though he didn’t really want to lie to Tommy, but in this case it was for the best.
“Call me when you get home, will you?” he asked when Tommy was already at the door.
Tommy turned around once more and nodded. “Sure. Bye, Adam.” With these words he opened the door, and seconds later he was gone. Adam’s knees went weak and he sank onto the floor leaning against the wall behind him. His eyes started burning and suddenly he couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.
“FUCK!” he cursed as and a choked sob left his lips. “Fuck,” he repeated once more, feeling the tears running down his cheeks. He was such an idiot. How could he have thought for even a second that Tommy could maybe feel the same way as he did? Of course he didn’t and now he had fallen in love with someone. Adam didn’t want to know any details and he prayed to the universe that Tommy would never ask him for advice when he had problems with his new girlfriend, because he was pretty sure he couldn’t deal with a situation like that. It was bad enough that he’d lost Tommy to someone else; he definitely didn’t want to know when he or his girlfriend screwed up.
He pulled his legs close to his body and pillowed his head on his knees. He knew he would need some time to get over Tommy and he most definitely wouldn’t start getting over him right then. Right then the only thing he wanted to do was to cry and wallow in his own pain. At least for a while.
+++
“And after you told him you’re in love and that you’re meeting someone, you just left?” Taylor stared at Tommy with disbelief.
They were sitting on the couch in Taylor’s living room. Tommy had shown up at Taylor’s place out of the blue with the words ‘I didn’t know who else I could go to’. Since he seemed to be a little upset, desperate even, Taylor had let him in. And then Tommy had told him what had happened back at Adam’s place.
Tommy nodded slightly. “What else should I have done? I mean, he said he’s happy for me. He didn’t seem to care who I was in love with.”
“You told him you fell in love. What did you expect him to do, Tommy Joe?” Taylor asked, rolling his eyes.
Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know, okay? But I had hoped he would at least want to know who I’m in love with. I thought this thing between us was something special for the both of us but I guess I was wrong.”
“You’re an idiot, Tommy. You know that, don’t you?” Taylor let out a long sigh.
Tommy looked at him in confusion. “Why?”
Taylor let out a laugh. “You wanna know why? Because the two of you drive me insane. And it’s not just me but also everyone else.”
With ‘everyone else’ he obviously meant Terrance, Brooke, Sasha, Monte, Camilla and Isaac - the Glamily. It was what they called themselves because they were the closest thing to family any of them had during the Glam Nation Tour.
“How?” Tommy asked innocently, because he really didn’t know what he or Adam had done wrong.
Taylor sighed again and he closed the distance between himself and Tommy putting an arm around his shoulder. “Tommy, seriously. Even a blind man could see how much you two are in love with each other. The only two people who obviously don’t get it are you and Adam.”
“What?” Tommy cocked his head. “What are you talking about, Tay?”
“I’m talking about you and Adam. I mean, it’s not only us who have noticed that something’s changed between the two of you, even the fans see it. So get the fuck up and do something.”
“I tried to,” Tommy defended himself.
“By telling him you’re in love?” Taylor raised an eyebrow. “And you think that’s the right way to tell someone you wanna be with him?”
Tommy shrugged. “I thought it could work. I already imagined Adam getting all jealous and wanting to beat this guy up or tell this girl to fuck off, whatever. But nothing like that happened.”
“Because this is not a movie, Tommy. It’s real life and things don’t tend to work like that in real life.” He paused and put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Listen to me, Tommy,” he started, waiting for Tommy to look at him, and when he finally did, he continued. “You love Adam, don’t you?” He already knew the answer, but he needed this kind of confirmation.
Tommy nodded without hesitating. “More than anything else.”
“Good.” A smile crossed Taylor’s lips. “Then you have to act like you do. Show him that it’s him you want.”
“And how exactly do I do that?”
Taylor slid closer to Tommy, looking him directly in the eye. “That’s what I’m gonna tell you right now…”
+++
Tommy’s heart was beating like he’d just run a marathon when he was standing at Adam’s doorstep, ready to ring. He wore tight leather pants and the silky dark-blue shirt Adam had given him as a birthday present a few months ago. The one Adam loved so much on him because it was the perfect contrast to Tommy’s pale skin. At least that’s what Adam had told him, but Tommy had loved it from the first moment because it was from Adam and if that wouldn’t be already reason enough it felt awesome on his skin.
He bit his bottom lip and took a few breaths. This was harder than he’d imagined and he was nervous as hell. What if Taylor was wrong? What if Adam didn’t love him after all and he was making a fool of himself? And wouldn’t that destroy their whole friendship?
He hesitated for a moment, not sure if he should really ring the bell, but then he thought “Fuck it” and did just that.
He had a long-stemmed dark red rose in his hand, hoping Adam would finally get a clue about his feelings for him.
A minute passed, maybe two, and Tommy let out a desperate sigh. Maybe Adam wasn’t at home anymore, because of course he had better things to do than to wait for Tommy come to his senses.
“One last time,” he thought and pressed the doorbell again, and then he could finally hear footsteps from inside Adam’s house.
When the door opened Tommy held his breath for a few seconds, trying to calm himself down but when Adam appeared in the doorway, the only thing he was able to do was to stare at him for what felt like an eternity.
“Tommy?” Adam asked, confused. He seemed exhausted and when Tommy took a closer look he recognized the redness around his eyes, feeling guilty immediately.
“Have… have you been crying?” Tommy demanded to know, feeling slightly sick to his stomach. Maybe Taylor was right after all. Maybe Adam loved him the same way he loved Adam and he had broken his heart by telling him he was in love with someone, even though that was never his intention.
“No!” Adam blurted out. “Of course not. Why would I?” He shook his head hastily. “I think I’m allergic to this new cleaning spray I’m using.”
Tommy could tell he was lying, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he crossed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around the back of Adam’s neck, pulling him into a tight embrace.
At first Adam’s whole body stiffened, but after a few seconds he started returning the embrace, pulling Tommy even closer until they were tightly pressed against each other.
“I’m so sorry, Adam,” Tommy whispered into Adam’s ear, stroking his back gently. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never do that on purpose.”
“I know,” he heard Adam say, feeling Adam’s hands at his shoulders. “And it’s my own fault, because I wasn’t able to control my feelings. I mean, we agreed that it was just sex whenever we needed it but it became so much more for me and after a while I didn’t even want to think that this beautiful thing could ever end.” He paused for a few seconds before he continued. “But I know I have to let go. I know I have to let you go, because you’ve finally found someone you love.”
They were still pressed against each other, but since Tommy wanted to look Adam in the eye when he confessed his feelings for him, he released Adam just enough to be able to touch his face with one hand. With the other, he was still holding the rose which Adam apparently hadn’t even noticed yet.
“I did,” he said after a few seconds of just looking into Adams deep blue eyes. “But it’s not just someone. It’s you.”
Adam stared at him half shocked, half surprised. “What?”
A small smile appeared on Tommy’s lips. “Taylor was right: you can be an idiot sometimes.”
Adam slightly cocked his head. “What are you talking about, Tommy?”
“I’m in love with you, Adam. It’s you I fell for, and it’s you I want to be with. You’re the one I’m longing for. You and no one else,” he clarified.
Tears welled up in Adam’s eyes and he quickly wiped them away, obviously feeling embarrassed. “I… I’m… I don’t know what to say.”
Tommy couldn’t do anything but smile. He handed Adam the rose and reached for one of Adam’s hands. “First, you could invite me in. And second you could finally kiss me. That would be answer enough for me. At least for the moment.”
Without hesitating, Adam pulled Tommy into his house, shut the door, and only seconds later Tommy felt himself pressed against the door. Then he finally, finally felt Adam’s lips on his own and both of his hands on his back. He had no clue where the rose went, but right then he didn’t give a damn anyways.
Never in his life had he been so happy that Taylor was right and he was wrong. He would most definitely have to find a way to thank him for this later. When he was less busy.
+++ End +++