Writing blurgleweegsnazzer
So.
I've reached Crisis #27 in my writing life (this number may seem sorta high or unbelievably low depending on your own relationship with the critical weasels in your head).
I'm a fanfic writer. I've been doing it since 2007 (holy shit, right?). Almost all of my fandoms are dead (V for Vendetta, La Femme Nikita (TV), Person of Interest, White Collar, Forever, BBC's Sherlock). I still write for Criminal Minds, but the reboot holds no interest for me, so new canon content probably won't happen. I've come to the awkward realization that I'm starting to recycle story ideas, and that usually means that my 'muse' is tapped out. I've been here before and, while uncomfortable, it eventually passes when a new fandom takes my interest.
The Crisis this time is that the quality of my stories has slipped in the past few years. Stuff I wrote pre-pandemic is sorta crisper, sexier than what I'm producing now. Something in me has stalled. And this is a problem because, more and more, writing has become my creative outlet. Some of you may know that my day job is in design. But after creating for 9 hours per day, 5 days per week each week, I don't have much left in the tank to do my own artwork. That's why writing has become so important over the years: it satisfies that personal creative drive without burning me out. So, Crisis #27 has almost become an existentialist crisis: like, what am I here for?!?
I've recently decided that I need to take a stab at writing original fiction (if only to prove that my ambitions are bigger than my talent and that I should stay in my fanfiction lane). So far those efforts have been excruciating, but not enough to stop. I convinced myself to write something I could submit to OFIC (a digital quarterly original fiction publication for fanfic writers). Having a goal helps to focus the work, right? OFIC is fun but limited - they only accept 8-10 submissions per quarter and have a limit on how often you can submit quarter-after-quarter. The target I'm aiming for is laughably small and I've already decided that I won't make the cut (to lessen the disappointment when I actually don't make the cut). The piece I'm writing for OFIC is already too big (there's a word limit) and perhaps too unfocused, too serious, too caught-up-in-its-own-importance. I'm finding it really hard to tell if it's any good. I'm an amateur and worldbuilding isn't my jam; I'm feeling the limitations of honing my skills while creating within an established, fixed universe such as fanfiction. It's also very much a story I would like to read, but maybe no one else would? Does anyone else read stuff - any stuff - and think, "Jesus, I just don't care about what the characters are wearing or how they feel about cats or care to listen to their internal monologues while cooking..."? I don't care about stuff that doesn't drive the narrative forward, and it appears that TONS of original fiction (and fanfic) contains stuff I deem unnecessary. Am I failing at a basic writing rule here? I dunno.
So, in summary, my crisis is twofold: my fanfic stuff has stalled but I may also suck at creating original fiction, both of which could put a serious dent in my confidence and backfire on the hobby that keeps me creatively sane. Crisis #27 is turning out to be a real bitch.
I'm not sure there's an answer to this dilemma other than to keep trying. I guess I'm just afraid of the day when I realize that I'm not good at something I thought I was good at and the magic disappears on me. The world sorely needs more magic, not less. And I suppose I need to know if my particular brand of magic is really worth anything outside my head. Ugh.
I've reached Crisis #27 in my writing life (this number may seem sorta high or unbelievably low depending on your own relationship with the critical weasels in your head).
I'm a fanfic writer. I've been doing it since 2007 (holy shit, right?). Almost all of my fandoms are dead (V for Vendetta, La Femme Nikita (TV), Person of Interest, White Collar, Forever, BBC's Sherlock). I still write for Criminal Minds, but the reboot holds no interest for me, so new canon content probably won't happen. I've come to the awkward realization that I'm starting to recycle story ideas, and that usually means that my 'muse' is tapped out. I've been here before and, while uncomfortable, it eventually passes when a new fandom takes my interest.
The Crisis this time is that the quality of my stories has slipped in the past few years. Stuff I wrote pre-pandemic is sorta crisper, sexier than what I'm producing now. Something in me has stalled. And this is a problem because, more and more, writing has become my creative outlet. Some of you may know that my day job is in design. But after creating for 9 hours per day, 5 days per week each week, I don't have much left in the tank to do my own artwork. That's why writing has become so important over the years: it satisfies that personal creative drive without burning me out. So, Crisis #27 has almost become an existentialist crisis: like, what am I here for?!?
I've recently decided that I need to take a stab at writing original fiction (if only to prove that my ambitions are bigger than my talent and that I should stay in my fanfiction lane). So far those efforts have been excruciating, but not enough to stop. I convinced myself to write something I could submit to OFIC (a digital quarterly original fiction publication for fanfic writers). Having a goal helps to focus the work, right? OFIC is fun but limited - they only accept 8-10 submissions per quarter and have a limit on how often you can submit quarter-after-quarter. The target I'm aiming for is laughably small and I've already decided that I won't make the cut (to lessen the disappointment when I actually don't make the cut). The piece I'm writing for OFIC is already too big (there's a word limit) and perhaps too unfocused, too serious, too caught-up-in-its-own-importance. I'm finding it really hard to tell if it's any good. I'm an amateur and worldbuilding isn't my jam; I'm feeling the limitations of honing my skills while creating within an established, fixed universe such as fanfiction. It's also very much a story I would like to read, but maybe no one else would? Does anyone else read stuff - any stuff - and think, "Jesus, I just don't care about what the characters are wearing or how they feel about cats or care to listen to their internal monologues while cooking..."? I don't care about stuff that doesn't drive the narrative forward, and it appears that TONS of original fiction (and fanfic) contains stuff I deem unnecessary. Am I failing at a basic writing rule here? I dunno.
So, in summary, my crisis is twofold: my fanfic stuff has stalled but I may also suck at creating original fiction, both of which could put a serious dent in my confidence and backfire on the hobby that keeps me creatively sane. Crisis #27 is turning out to be a real bitch.
I'm not sure there's an answer to this dilemma other than to keep trying. I guess I'm just afraid of the day when I realize that I'm not good at something I thought I was good at and the magic disappears on me. The world sorely needs more magic, not less. And I suppose I need to know if my particular brand of magic is really worth anything outside my head. Ugh.