In which I malign my own difficulties

[blythechild]

Before I get too far, I should preface this entry with the following:

• I am having problems finishing (writing) projects
• I constantly undervalue the art that I create

Because things are so slow at work right now (and I can't spend every waking moment dealing with that), I have launched myself into a lot of fannish activities, challenges and the like. This weekend I have reworked my illustration for smallfandombang but am still not entirely pleased with it. Since entries for that challenge are now being posted, I'm sort of appalled by what is being passed off as "fan art". Then I look at my entry and wonder WHY I can't be happier with it. Considering the level of thought and planning that I've put into it, and the general mediocrity of other entries, I should be A LOT happier. *grumble, grumble*

I entered a fanfiction/fan art gift exchange recently and was given my prompts for my 'giftee' this weekend. The requester's prompts are... unhelpful. She has been fairly vague about what she gets (fic or art, though I specifically told the mods that I'd only provide art) - then specified slash - then suggested a hetero pairing in one prompt (that actually made me cringe, so... no) - then provided another prompt so detailed and non-sexual (even though she'd prefer smut) that I have NO CLUE what to draw for her now. THIS was the best match-up that the comm could provide me with?!? Since I'm new to the challenge I went back through the comm to see what art had been provided in the past and it's all stunning, but pretty much provided by the same 3 artists. I don't know how to proceed. I can't ask for clarity, so - what? - do I just do something that I'd like that ties into one of the weird, vague prompts and hope for the best? I guess so... Hurm.

This weekend I also created an illustration for one of my own stories that isn't even finished yet. Like, what is my problem? I can't finish a damned thing but I can go ahead and create artwork for something that may not see the light of day for months? I swear to DaVinci that I'm doing this all backwards.

Finally, I signed up to do a hc_bingo monthly challenge that involves CROSSOVERS - something at which I suck. So, on top of all of my ongoing, failure-to-launch writing projects, I now have to create an h/c crossover by month's end. And I volunteered to do this!

Honestly, guys, what's my deal here?