MIDGES!
Dear Mother Nature,
Have I offended you in some way? If so, please accept my most profound apologies for the slight - it was not intentionally done.
I realize that you have a playful sense of humor, evidenced by the recent temperature fluctuations, the monsoon rains and crazy-ass winds. I assume that this is payback for that whole global warming thing, so touche, I get the point. You know that I'm a fan of gothic weather anyway... However, it has gotten to the point where I often peer up into the sky with skepticism and trepidation, and I have to pack a second set of clothes to accompany me on any outing. Still, I admire your ability to constantly fuck with us and your endless inventiveness.
I draw the line, however, at the APOCALYPTIC PACKS OF SUICIDAL MIDGES which seem to lurk under every tree, bush or shadowed area of my walk to and from work each day.
With the utmost respect and reverence: what. the. fuck.
Given the amount of midge corpses that I have accidentally inhaled, eaten, swatted, squashed, or had die in my hair and cleavage this week, I'd have to say that if you had concerns about midge population control, that I've taken care of that for you. I especially take umbrage at the damned things getting entangled in my hair (which, due to your windy magnificence, happens quite frequently as I walk down the street with my already unruly hair flapping like a fiery flag in the breeze). It takes hours to relieve myself of all of their miniature bodies, sometimes not noticing their decaying little selves until unconsciously playing with my hair later on. Ewwww.
Give a girl a break, okay? Tell you what... I'll be nicer to worms, I won't complain about the humidity this summer, I'll recycle a whole lot more... Whatever it takes. I'm sure that we can work something out.
In lieu the aforementioned bribery, I offer up this delightful ditty for your desk dancing pleasure. (Don't try to tell me that you don't desk dance... it's Friday!) By the way, I have no idea why it has a German voiceover and then is subtitled in Spanish: just ignore that.
With warmth and affection in anticipation of your munificence,
- Blythe.
Have I offended you in some way? If so, please accept my most profound apologies for the slight - it was not intentionally done.
I realize that you have a playful sense of humor, evidenced by the recent temperature fluctuations, the monsoon rains and crazy-ass winds. I assume that this is payback for that whole global warming thing, so touche, I get the point. You know that I'm a fan of gothic weather anyway... However, it has gotten to the point where I often peer up into the sky with skepticism and trepidation, and I have to pack a second set of clothes to accompany me on any outing. Still, I admire your ability to constantly fuck with us and your endless inventiveness.
I draw the line, however, at the APOCALYPTIC PACKS OF SUICIDAL MIDGES which seem to lurk under every tree, bush or shadowed area of my walk to and from work each day.
With the utmost respect and reverence: what. the. fuck.
Given the amount of midge corpses that I have accidentally inhaled, eaten, swatted, squashed, or had die in my hair and cleavage this week, I'd have to say that if you had concerns about midge population control, that I've taken care of that for you. I especially take umbrage at the damned things getting entangled in my hair (which, due to your windy magnificence, happens quite frequently as I walk down the street with my already unruly hair flapping like a fiery flag in the breeze). It takes hours to relieve myself of all of their miniature bodies, sometimes not noticing their decaying little selves until unconsciously playing with my hair later on. Ewwww.
Give a girl a break, okay? Tell you what... I'll be nicer to worms, I won't complain about the humidity this summer, I'll recycle a whole lot more... Whatever it takes. I'm sure that we can work something out.
In lieu the aforementioned bribery, I offer up this delightful ditty for your desk dancing pleasure. (Don't try to tell me that you don't desk dance... it's Friday!) By the way, I have no idea why it has a German voiceover and then is subtitled in Spanish: just ignore that.
With warmth and affection in anticipation of your munificence,
- Blythe.
Click to view