(no subject)
I'm so fucking stressed out right now. But I'll start with the positive. I had a great weekend. I got to spend it with my love Jake. We had such a fantastic time. We did the obvious, a lot of cuddling and kissing, but we had the greatest sex EVER!!!!!!!!!! We found out what works for us so that we each get the most pleasure out of the experience. I kid you not, her pleasure condoms are the greatest invention known to man. Enough about my sex life, We hung out with our friends Joanna and Matt, good times, good times. We pretty much did what we always do. But I love every minute that I get to spend with Jake. I hate Sunday nights so fricken much it's not even funny. I had to take him home last night and I really hate that. I tried my damndest not to bawl my eyes out during both of the car rides. It's so hard to see and concentrate on the road while you have a waterfall flowing from your eyes and on top of it having to drive 45 miles back home.
Anyway, about the stress stuff. I actually talked to Jake during this entery so I do feel better but anyway, here it goes. My father has beeen bothering me. it's small but it sucks none-the-less. I had him buy me cigarettes today. My brother gave me the change from buying him curtains to buy a pack of said cigarettes. Anyway, he buys them for me and gives me the change back. Ok everyhting's honkydory right. No. He gives me back the bill currencey and keeps the change. It's not really a big deal but he doeas it all the time. What he doesn't understand is that I don't have much money either. It's just really bothersome. I'm also stresses about the whole no job and no high school diploma thing. I feel like such a loser. I know that Jake loves me with all of his heart and loves everything about me but I just want to be able to provide for him without having to rely on other people. I have a job thing that I need to read up on and call on Friday, but I just want to be able to give him something nice. Do something that we can't do now.
I don't know. I hate the eeks so much. They make me want to give up or something. I hate not being around Jake. I love the man so much that it hurts. I want to be all that I can be for him if nit for me. I don't want him to have to say,"Here's Maggie my loafing girlfriend/wife." I know he would never say that and that he loves me no matter what I do but it's hard to see that when you're so down on yourself that you want to punch your favorite concrete wall and hope to the god you don't believe in that you break your hand THIS time. I have no idea if this makes any sense at all. I feel like such a whine-ass. The best I can do is do what I have to do and wait until the weekend. Hopefully by then I'll feel better about myself and my situation.
-*Maggie*-
Anyway, about the stress stuff. I actually talked to Jake during this entery so I do feel better but anyway, here it goes. My father has beeen bothering me. it's small but it sucks none-the-less. I had him buy me cigarettes today. My brother gave me the change from buying him curtains to buy a pack of said cigarettes. Anyway, he buys them for me and gives me the change back. Ok everyhting's honkydory right. No. He gives me back the bill currencey and keeps the change. It's not really a big deal but he doeas it all the time. What he doesn't understand is that I don't have much money either. It's just really bothersome. I'm also stresses about the whole no job and no high school diploma thing. I feel like such a loser. I know that Jake loves me with all of his heart and loves everything about me but I just want to be able to provide for him without having to rely on other people. I have a job thing that I need to read up on and call on Friday, but I just want to be able to give him something nice. Do something that we can't do now.
I don't know. I hate the eeks so much. They make me want to give up or something. I hate not being around Jake. I love the man so much that it hurts. I want to be all that I can be for him if nit for me. I don't want him to have to say,"Here's Maggie my loafing girlfriend/wife." I know he would never say that and that he loves me no matter what I do but it's hard to see that when you're so down on yourself that you want to punch your favorite concrete wall and hope to the god you don't believe in that you break your hand THIS time. I have no idea if this makes any sense at all. I feel like such a whine-ass. The best I can do is do what I have to do and wait until the weekend. Hopefully by then I'll feel better about myself and my situation.
-*Maggie*-